Blogging is such a popular hobby these days and with it comes all sorts of complications, not the least of which has landed many a blogger in some hot water (see the definition of Dooce and you'll know exactly what I mean). Because of this, I suspect many bloggers censor this part of their lives in an attempt to preserve the security that a job provides. Unfortunately this also means that where the blog is a confident and a saviour for many other stresses, it provides no relief for the most stressful influence of all. And so I'm taking the plunge and using my crutch, I'm lifting the lid and I'm hoping to purge my soul....
I used to enjoy working where I do. It has never been an easy place to work but the job has in the past been quite fulfilling and relatively well paid so I was willing to overlook the odd mishap because it suited me to do so. Unfortunately those days have come and gone and all that is left is the husk of a person whose sense of self and confidence has been drained seemingly beyond repair.
I have tried speaking to the boss, to the HR Director, to the CEO, to the new boss but it seems that I have lost my ability to make people listen, to speak succinctly and with conviction because it all falls on deaf ears.
The government says that we as parents have a right to ask our employers to consider some form of flexible working. Unfortunately the specifics are vague and the employer is only required to consider the request and provide a business reason if they turn the request down. When my request was turned down, there was no explanation, I was simply told that it was a business decision and that my only alternative was to move to part-time hours. For financial reasons, this wasn't viable so I backed down.
These last 10 days at home have only reminded me of everything that I am missing. I know that many of you working mums (and dads) deal with your own measure of guilt all the time and it saddens me that we have to! Being a parent is a full time job. It is an important job and one that is too quickly dismissed by those who are too stupid/ignorant/jealous/selfish to accept that parents have a biological right to special treatment - society depends on it, the economy depends on it, hell, even survival of the species depends on it.
I guess it is safe to say that I am going through a bit of a bitter phase. I am trying to figure a way out of this mess. A way that I can experience at least part of my children's lives during the week instead of just settling for being a week-end mum. And I am actively trying and hoping that something bares fruit - preferably before I lose my mind.