For my dear friend,

Today was hard for me but I know that doesn't even come close to what it was like for you. Your strength amazes me and will see you through the hard path that you and your hubby now face.
Life can be so cruel and so many things are unfair. Nothing I say can ease the pain and so all I can offer is my support and a shoulder whenever you need it.
In time you will need more than this though and hopefully I will be able to point you in the direction of some wonderful woman who understand on a more personal level so that you don't have to feel like you're alone. I wish that I could do more. I wish that I could share your pain so that it isn't so raw. I wish that I could take some of the weight off your shoulders so that the future wouldn't seems so scary.

I just hope that you know that you aren't alone and that I know that you won't want to ask for help so when I pitch up on your doorstep you don't need to say anything, you can just be and I will understand.

Comme avec toutes choses, ceci passera aussi

A

Thanks and other stuff...

It's been a long month but soon it will be over and hopefully July will bring with it some sunshine because this rain is really starting to piss me off. Cabin fever is not a pretty thing and my twins have it bad!

Today we had a welcome break from the monotony of the weather, the friend whom I mentioned in the previous post brought her hubby and daughter around and we all had a lovely time eating lunch and chatting. The kids get on wonderfully and her husband is an absolute dear. I know things are tough for both of them right now (and seeing the boys playing together can't have helped) but they're handling it as well as the can and were the perfect guests.

It has been such a long time since we've had the opportunity to socialise in such a relaxed manner and I hope that there will be many more opportunities to do so.

********************************************************

On another note I am finally compiling the list of questions and will send them to everyone who has expressed an interest but I could do with a few more. So if you have any questions, either ones that you get asked all the time or ones that you think up for yourself because you want to see what other people are doing then please pop them in the comments or drop me an e-mail.

********************************************************

Things return to normal this week as I am back in the office and so (hopefully) I'll get a chance to post more often.... here's hoping anyway.

A

When there are no words....

A very dear friend of mine got some bad news about her pregnancy yesterday and I have no words to comfort her. I know that she is tough and that she can hold it together if she needs too but I know that she is also hurting and I wish that I could help to share the weight.

I know that many of you have experienced great sorrow in your lives and that often it has resulted in a terrible loss so I'm asking for some guidance. So, what if anything have you found helpful? Who has given you the support when you needed it most and what has only served to make things worse?

I don't know what the exact problem is but I do know that the prognosis is bad and final. She's 18 weeks along now and has to face the end is around the corner.

*sigh*

Spare a thought for my dear friend she could use all the internet wishes that you can send.

A

Twin questions - not answered but asked...

I am supposed to do an entry today just so that I am a bit more up to date but I can't, my brain is tired and my body is weary. Why? I hear all you interested parties ask, well you see my friends, my boys have decided to play tag team at night and we made the mistake of giving in a couple of times so now they think that sleeping with mum & dad is the norm.

The last 2 nights I have tried to take child duty as I am on leave for the next few days and Chris is back at work. The plan has been as follows....

Baby cries, mum reacts by finding dummy, laying baby down and returning to bed.... rinse and repeat until mum grows to weary. Pick up spare duvet and pillows and lie down in the nursery next to the cots so that my reaction time is quicker..... get some sleep.

As the boys had their boosters yesterday I expected some restlessness but they really had planned it well. Thomas was restless for the first half of the night (around 11pm until about 2am) and Nathan picked up where he left off at around 3am.

I guess we'll see how things go over the week-end but I'm a little confused about how to deal with this because we can't even take the cry-it-out option as they wake each other up. Leaving them both awake means that they never go to sleep because they try and out do each others crying.

I'm sure many of you have been in this position before, what did you do? What worked for you and what made things much worse?

Interested to know!

A

I am a bad, bad blogger... (and other random things)

and even apologising is getting tired so, I hereby commit to making a better contribution PLUS there is the whole Round Robin thing that I suggested and have handled miserably...

New rules for the Round Robin: we will do it on the last Friday of every month and I will send out all the questions in e-mail but will also try and figure out a way to keep them here so that any new questions which you would like to add can be. (something about the structure of the sentence is completely off but I can't figure out what it is). Hopefully this will mean that we all have far more preparation time and I will be able to keep up :-)

I'd also like to say thanks to all of you for wishing my boys happy birthday - one day they will be amazed by the wonderful messages from all over the globe!

Amy

p.s. I am horribly behind on reading all of you so PLEASE forgive me if I've missed something important!

What a difference a year makes!

Exactly 1 year ago today we took our first step on the road that is parenthood. I have so few memories of that day (morphine) but I know that in the days that followed, the true magnitude of the change began to sink in and I was terrified.

A year later and things have continued to evolve and dare I say it, have even become enjoyable :-). There are tough days, and moments when the exhaustion and all the pressures and expectations become overwhelming but for the most part, life is good.

We've had such a lovely day - albeit tiring but it has been exhausting so all my big intentions for the first year post have been shelved temporarily so that I can get an early night.

Until I get a moment to do my sons life justice, here is a visual reminder of where they came from and where they are now....

Friday Round Robin - Question 2 (bltn*)

I know - I must seem like the MOST disorganised person around, I'm not usually this scatty I promise and I will distribute a list of questions to anyone who is interested, just leave a comment (Cass and Stacie, I will send the list to you as well if you're still interested?)


Question 2:
How do you cope with the logistics of having multiple babies and is the pressure always so relentless?

This is question is asked in various ways and it is usually after someone has visited/been visited for a few hours during the 'awake' time. The answer is rather surprising, or it was to me when I first thought it through. The thing is that you do cope most of the time. Having more than 1 baby at a time means that you have to plan more but you also have to accept that your planning will be useless more often. In many ways, my time management has improved drastically to accommodate the feeding/dressing/playing necessities that arise.We get up earlier, and we start getting ready for outings far in advance to allow for any hiccups and we work to a fairly constant routine.

Parenting multiples is about recognising when there is a need to compromise (with your ideals and your partner) and when you need to remain steadfast. I also think that once you've had more than 1 kid depend on you for everything, we get a little 'hooked' on the busy factor. Sure I complain about it all the time and I am in the very fortunate position of having a husband and sister who are always involved and supportive so doing it single would be a completely different story, but it has given me a lot of confidence in my abilities. I have taken on the challenge of doing a degree (something I always intended to do but never got around to it) and I am far more capable than I was before I had kids.

I guess it comes down to having a realistic outlook and fairly low expectations. :-)
A

* Better Late Than Never

Oh the pain!

So I know that it has been a while since the last post (11 days to be precise) and for those of you who noticed, I am sorry. For those of you who didn't, you don't know what you're missing, or perhaps you do which is why you never noticed???

Anyway, here's whats been going on. Last week was a wash as I had a Sales conference to attend and had a meeting with our most valued person. Add to this the driving in between, the bank holiday traffic and the exhaustion associated and you'll see why turning the laptop on became near on impossible.

It was a constructive week (which proves that the t'internet really is addictive) in that I managed to get my assignment completed on time and submitted it early. Made it through a conference of big headed, hot aired sales types without too many scars AND proved my worth to my new boss by impressing the socks off of him during an important meeting.

As it was also the first time that I was away from home and away from the boys I hoped to make the most of it by sleeping as much as possible. In reality I tossed and turned both nights and can only fathom that it was far to quiet! Maybe hotels can offer some kind of background noise option which features crying, moaning babies through the night so that us mums can sleep well!

By the third day I was getting all teary eyed whenever I saw a baby and felt desperately ready to return home. Those of you who are veterans at the 'leaving home for a few days thing' will be laughing right now because you'll know that about 5 minutes after returning home I was redy to leave again :-) - how is it possible for such small creatures to make that much noise and mess?

Anyway, it is good to be back and I know I owe a round rabin e-mail and post - getting to it on the list I promise.

A

p.s. terribly behind on blog reading too so if something wonderful/terrible has happened, please don't think that I have stopped caring because I haven't!

Multiple Round Robin Carnival

I know that I am behind in posts but Stacey has been kind enough to share her unanswered questions to get us into the swing of things. She has also suggested that we do it carnival style so if you're interested go here.

Mine to follow shortly ;-)

Let me know if it breaks.....
A

Like a bloody murder

(Thank-you for all the lovely comments and e-mails about the previous post. I hope that y'all had a lovely week-end.)


So I have a question to pose to all you mums out there. Is your evening routine as hectic as ours? I sometimes feel like the boys are expecting some kind of beating or something with the way that they carry on and I'm wondering if it's something that we're doing. Let me give you an idea of the routine (which worked perfectly until they got chicken pox, since then, they've become really difficult);

4:30pm
Dinner (usually consists of veggies, chicken/pasta and fruit
5:00pm - 5:45pm
Mum and Aunty K go through reportoire of entertainment as the boredom of the day begins to set in.
5:45pm
Dad gets home and the boys show their delight by frantically demanding his attention.
6:00pm
Dad runs the bath and entertains boys. Mum collects pj's, growbags, dummies, bottles, nappies*, cream, wipes, miscellaneous items used for distraction.
6:15pm
Boys get into the bath and dad pretends to wash them (really it's just an exercise in teaching the boys to splash water all over the place :-))
6:30pm
The boys get out of the bath and this is where the fun begins. They don't mind being taken out of the bath, in fact for some reason they find it quite funny. Until that is, we reach the bedroom and they realise that it is time for them to enter the tomb of death wherein they will be subjected to forceful drying, excessive creaming and mummified in clothing and other sleep gear. I swear that my parents can hear the screams in South Africa. And the twisting and turning seriously tests my patience.
6:50ishpm
Bottle time. They love this part and are so content that they almost fall asleep on our laps. Unfortunately no matter how carefully we carry them to their cots, by the time we reach the threshold of their room, they're already getting their second wind.
7:00pm
Mum reads a chapter from the Magic Faraway Tree accompanied by the sweet soundtrack of shrieking, sqwauking and chuckling. I think that this may be their favourite time of the day (and to be honest I love their antics too).
7:10pm
Mum & Dad attempt to settle them down for bed. All lights are switched off, dummies are given, muslins are clutched and what follows is anything between 10 minutes and an hour of.... lay down, soothe, calm, attend. Up the stairs, down the stairs until eventually they both give in.

Now I know that it doesn't sound that bad (I realise that now that I'm typing it) but I just don't get what the fuss is about when it comes to dressing them and putting them down? Do all kids do this? Should we change something in the routine? Resign ourselves to our fate?

Let me know how your evening routine pans out, I am so not above poaching all your ideas.

A

* For some reason I always forget to put nappies out for this change and the RO has to double check me so that we don't find ourselves in an awquard position.

For mothers

So Sunday is Mothers Day in some parts of the world (including South Africa) and my mum sent me an e-mail to commemorate it. Now I have to admit that I don't usually read these e-mails because they are always chain letter type things and they're usually very religious (no offense mean to the religious out there but I prefer to choose to be involved/exposed) but for once I was pleasantly surprised, I even managed to shed a tear.

Unfortunately the author hasn't signed this so I can't give credit where it is due, but if you know who it was or want to claim it as your own then please let me know so that I can amend the details.

For all of you...

This is for the mothers who have sat up all night with sick toddlers in
Their arms, wiping up barf laced with Oscar Mayer wieners and cherry
Kool-Aid saying, "It's okay honey, Mommy's here." Who have sat in
Rocking chairs for hours on end soothing crying babies who can' t be
Comforted.

This is for all the mothers who show up at work with spit-up in their
Hair and milk stains on their blouses and diapers in their purse.

For all the mothers who run carpools and make cookies and sew Halloween
Costumes. And all the mothers who DON'T.

This is for the mothers who gave birth to babies they'll never see. And
The mothers who took those babies and gave them homes.

This is for the mothers whose priceless art collections are hanging on
Their refrigerator doors. And for all the mothers who froze their buns
On metal bleachers at football or soccer games instead of watching from
The warmth of their cars, so that when their kids asked, "Did you see
Me, Mom ?" they could say, "Of course, I wouldn't have missed it for the
World," and mean it.

This is for all the mothers who yell at their kids in the grocery store
And swat them in despair when they stomp their feet and scream for ice
Cream before dinner. And for all the mothers who count to ten instead,
But realize how child abuse happens.

This is for all the mothers who sat down with their children and
Explained all about making babies. And for all the (grand) mothers who
Wanted to, but just couldn't find the words.

This is for all the mothers who go hungry, so their children can eat.
For all the mothers who read "Goodnight, Moon" twice a night for a
Year. And then read it again. "Just one more time."

This is for all the mothers who taught their children to tie their
Shoelaces before they started school. And for all the mothers who opted
For Velcro instead.

This is for all the mothers who teach their sons to cook and their
Daughters to sink a jump shot.

This is for every mother whose head turns automatically when a little
Voice calls "Mom?" in a crowd, even though they know their own offspring
Are at home -- or even away at college.

This is for all the mothers who sent their kids to school with stomach
Aches assuring them they'd be just FINE once they got there, only to get
Calls from the school nurse an hour later asking them to please pick
Them up. Right away. This is for mothers whose children have gone
Astray, who can't find the words to reach them.

This is for all the step-mothers who raised another woman's child or
Children, and gave their time, attention, and love... Sometimes totally
Unappreciated!

For all the mothers who bite their lips until they bleed when their
14-year-olds dye their hair green.

For all the mothers of the victims of recent school shootings, and the
Mothers of those who did the shooting.

For the mothers of the survivors, and the mothers who sat in front of
Their TVs in horror, hugging their child who just came home from
School, safely .

This is for all the mothers who taught their children to be peaceful,
And now pray they come home safely from a war.

What makes a good Mother anyway? Is it patience? Compassion? Broad
Hips? The ability to nurse a baby, cook dinner, and sew a button on a
Shirt, all at the same time? Or is it in her heart? Is it the ache you
Feel when you watch your son or daughter disappear down the street,
Walking to school alone for the very first time ? The jolt that takes
You from sleep to dread, from bed to crib at 2 A.M. To put your hand on
The back of a sleeping baby? The panic, years later, that comes again
At 2 A.M. When you just wan t to hear their key in the door and know
They are safe again in your home? Or the need to flee from wherever you
Are and hug your child when you hear news of a fire, a car accident, a
Child dying? The emotions of motherhood are universal and so our thoughts are for young mothers stumbling through diaper changes and sleep
deprivation...

And mature mothers learning to let go.

For working mothers and stay-at-home mothers.

For mothers-in-waiting and infertility mothers.

Single mothers and married mothers.

Mothers with money, mothers without.

And to those for whom motherhood is still a dream and a wish.

This is for you all.

For all of us.

Hang in there. In the end we can only do the best we can.

Tell them every day that we love them.



I am in awe of you mum, now that I know how hard motherhood is, I cannot begin to imagine how you managed to bring up all 4 of us. I love you and am proud to call you my mum.

Happy Mothers Day y'all!

A

p.s. I know that this was supposed to be a round robin post it being Friday and all but we'll return to that next week and hopefully I will have distributed the questions to the participating mums by Monday so that they have ample time to prepare :-).

I'm alive, barely.

Turns out that the tooth cannot be pulled under a local anesthetic (although they certainly tried) because the tooth is brittle - most likely due to the pregnancy *sigh*. The dentist tried to pull it but it immediately broke up. Instead I have to book into the dental hospital and have them removed surgically. On the one hand I'm glad that I won't be awake through it but on the other I may have to wait up to 8 weeks before it can happen.

I have been given a course of antibiotics to try and control the infection - I am even avoiding alcohol in an attempt to get the better of it.

Now onto more important matters, I have a question to pose to those of you who have had experiences with anti depressant. I have been on fluoxetine for about 10 months now and had my dose increased in January (2 x 20mg capsules daily). Since the dose was increased I have put on an excessive amount of weight and I now find that this is becoming the biggest issue for me. In terms of emotions I am feeling much better and I think that it is a good sign that I am even considering going off the meds because it is a step in the right direction.

Those of you who have been down this road, what do you think? The weight is an issue but I'll put up with it if I need too. More importantly I'll be glad to have the weird dreams stop!

Any advice/assvice is welcome - I could do with some new perspective.

A

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p.s. Thanks to Cass and Stacie for taking part in the round robin. I will try and get my stuff together and get a list of the questions sent out so that everyone has advanced notice - I'll get around to it as soon as possible because I think it was a great idea and I thoroughly enjoyed reading the different perspectives.

Emergency Intervention..

I haven't forgotten about any of you I promise!

We've just had a long week-end and I have had an enlarged lymph node in my neck for most of it. I've just come back from the doctor and now I'm off to the dentist to have a back tooth pulled!

I have many problems with this:
1) I have good teeth and I look after them
2) I hate dentists!
3) I have better things to do...

Anyway so I'll be back later and I'll update all of you properly. Until then, send me happy, painfree thoughts please!

Amy

Friday Round Robin - Question 1

(Thanks to Stacie because I have totally poached this question from her list to start us off)

How good are your babies at self-entertainment? Do you ever get any moments to yourself? What do you do with those moments?

The first 6 months were awful because they needed constant attention with little interactions. They did sleep a lot more though so getting the laundry done and preparing meals was far more successful.

Once they started sitting I found that they were best entertained by having only a few toys around them as too many distractions just meant that there was a great deal of extra falling over.

Now that they are crawling/standing/climbing life has become more hectic. For some reason they never seem content to just cuddle with me (although they will readily do this with their dad), instead they want to try and throw themselves off the end of the bed or launch themselves at the window whenever I'm around. I am constantly amazed that my sister hasn't had a complete breakdown by now because she spends every afternoon chasing them around.

The boys do play pretty well together and it can get quite funny when they wrestle over a particular object. We have found that although they like their toys they prefer things that they aren't allowed so we have filled all the shelves on their level with odds and ends that are both safe for them to play with and that won't immediately make daddy's hair stand on end (a great example of this is the tv/satellite/radio/xbox remote because every time they go near them we say, 'daddy's gonna shout' so I swear they will think that is what they are called). Their current favourite is an old discarded keyboard, cellphone and replica remote control.

Unfortunately having twins means that there isn't much 'free time'. Over week-ends my hubby looks after the boys quite a lot so that I can get practical things done (laundry, groceries, diy etc) and we haven't quite reached the point where he is comfortable to be left with them or take them out for extended periods of time. Having said that though, I have managed to squeeze in some time for myself as I have just started a part-time degree but I have to admit that all my old favourites like reading have taken a bit of a back seat.

Hopefully now that summer is here (and they LOVE being outdoors) it will mean that a little more time is free to just relax and enjoy them - without sacrificing the many tasks that make any household run.

So that's me done for today, please feel free to take the question to your blog and give us an idea of how things work with you, then leave a comment so that I know that you have!

That's all :-)
A

Mums Round Robin - Open invitation!

Stacie has a lovely section on her blog where she answers questions about being a mum. She has kindly allowed me to poach the idea and expand it a little.

On a Friday morning I will post one of the questions and my answer here. Anyone who wants to participate then takes the question away to their blog and gives their own solution.

Hopefully Stacie will help me with the logistics (she mentioned a Mr. Linky??) so that we all know who has taken part. The idea is for us to compare notes and see if anyone else has a solution that we can use. It isn't restricted to twin or multiple mums, anyone can join in and please feel free to spread the word.

So you and you and you and you, watch this space and I'll watch yours.

If you think of a better way of doing this, drop me an e-mail or leave me a comment - I am open to suggestions especially as I am fairly new to this :-)

A

For always and forever

If you have stuck around through some of the more mundane posts (and I thank-you if you have!) you will know that not to long ago I was pretty disgruntled with the whole work situation. I found it much harder to return to work than I thought possible and I was devistated by the lack of support that I received from my [then] manager. Fortunately, he has since moved on to terrorise err I mean manage some other poor bugger and has been replaced by a far more stable and personable chap.

Anyway, long story short my new boss has granted my request for flexible working in that I have been able to drop my weekly hours slightly so that I can spend an afternoon a week with my boys. Yesterday was the first such afternoon.

I don't quite know what I expected. I guess I had somehow convinced myself that this selfless(hah!) act would be hugely appreciated by my pre-ones and in return they would shower me with love and kittens and maybe even a blissful afternoon to be envied by all. Sadly this isn't quite how it worked out. In general it was a nice afternoon, I picked my sister up from wor, picked the boys up from their childminder and took them ..... wait for it.....

....

grocery shopping! (I'll bet that you're so glad that you waited huh?)

And somewhere between the aisles froxen chicken and tinned lentils, it occurred to me that this was it, for always and forever, Wednesday afternoons were no longer someone else's domain.

A

p.s. before you get too jealous, I kept the boys out too long so they became overtired and wouldn't nap. They also woke up about a gazillion times last night and I'm sure that they are getting another cold. Oh well, you can't have it all.

A friend IRL!

If I compare my life in the UK to my life in South Africa there are many differences. Some are obvious (marriage, children, weather) and some of them are only obvious to me like the lack of close, tangible friendships. If I am honest, it is one of the few things that I miss about South Africa (obviously I miss my family to but that is different) and I wish that I knew how to go about changing this sad state of affairs.

As a result I think that maybe I come across as being a bit desperate when I meet someone who I see as potential friend material. More than anything it is because I would like to fast forward through the awkward beginning phase and go straight to teasing, laughing, supporting, bonding stuff and I guess there aren't many people who agree.

A couple of days ago however, a new person started with our company and as she is one of my team members, I have been given the task of making sure that she is settled, introduced to everyone and just generally well inducted (is that a word??) and I have been very pleasently surprised by her. You see the thing is that she is French.... there I said it, will I feel the full fury of god now or later?) and we all know how most of the English feel about the French! I like her though. She is witty, sarcastic and best of all a new mum who doesn't feel strongly about any particular parenting technique, instead resorting to bribery wherever necessary.

I am hoping that this has the potential to become a real friendship because I really am late in the application process and I could definitely due with a friend in real life too!

A

In the meantime...

I promise to post something of substance soon (it has been a great week-end and I would love to get the twinny round robin going) but in the meantime, here is a little video of Thomas and Nathan teasing each other in the garden :-)



It's a little long but I haven't had a chance to edit it yet. Let me know what you think :-)

A

The proper post...

Yesterday I took a day off work so that I could take the boys through to the hospital for their follow up audiology appointment. I was blissfully unaware that there was a fairly high chance that one or both of the boys would have some trouble hearing high or low frequencies but our luck is holding and they both passed with flying colours.

After the appointment I popped in to see the sonography department and bumped into a couple of the senior staff members that had taken care of me through the last month. It was so lovely to see them and I was quite choked up that they remembered all of us by name (especially as it is a very busy department). When then continued onto the NICU unit in the hope that we would find some of our favourites on duty but sadly none of them were.

I find the NICU quite strange now because we're no longer 'family'. In the weeks following the birth of the boys when I was there 17 hours a day I knew everyone and was made to feel so welcome that I honestly believed that these people would always play a part in the boys lives. Seeing the staff yesterday though brought home how scary the NICU is. Perhaps it was that I didn't want to see (or maybe it was the morphine/adrenalin after the section) but I found it a much more unnerving place than when the boys were actually patients.

Please don't get me wrong I am forever grateful for the fantastic treatment that we had. The fact that we felt like family is all down to the incredible level of care that the NICU nurses gave it's just that I find it hard to think back at how frail they were and that ward is full of reminders.

It felt good to walk away from the hospital having had the last appointment relating to the boys premature arrival and believe me I know how lucky I am that this is the case.

A

My first one...

This isn't the main post for today, but it is so cute that I couldn't resist. Especially after this appeared which is just to adorable....



I hope that it works!

A

***edited to add that this will be entered into Stacey's fab movie idea.... not sure if I'm allowed to enter more than once but if I can then I will.