The luck worked, I passed. In fact I got all of the questions right (it was FAR easier than I thought it would be). I really spent far too much time worrying about this test.
You get 45 minutes to answer 24 questions. All multiple choice and really quite simple. From start to finish it took me 4 minutes. This meant that I spent minutes 5-7 stressing that I had missed something out and frantically going over my answers. The invigilator just laughed, gave me my results and sent me on my way.
I guess this means that I'll have to start preparing my application.
Thanks for all the luck - 'tis greatly appreciated.
A
Saturday, April 21, 2007
Friday, April 20, 2007
Wish me luck
I am off to write my British Citizenship test. Hopefully I will pass it without any problems, however in true style I have left the preparation for the test to the last minute.
Will let you know how it pans out (as if you care :-))
Happy bloody Friday!
A
Will let you know how it pans out (as if you care :-))
Happy bloody Friday!
A
Thursday, April 19, 2007
Yet another example of the madness..
What can be said about this?
When did woman stop having rights? Who can imagine having to lose not only a child but the mother as well, all because some fuck wit 2 stroke thinks that he can make a name for himself through the supreme court.
Late-term abortion is NEVER a lifestyle choice. Nobody decides late in a pregnancy that they 'just don't want the child'. If it wasn't for medical intervention, wonderful woman like this one
and many others would have been lost to us and would never have gone on to give life to other beautiful children.
I am so incensed that anyone would even consider this, let alone make it a law that it makes me feel sick to the stomach. it is clear that none of the people behind this little piece of history have ever been in the position where they have had to make a decision to save a life.
My only hope is that the rest of the world sees this for the madness it is and doesn't follow the US lead, because who knows where this will end?
*sigh*
A
When did woman stop having rights? Who can imagine having to lose not only a child but the mother as well, all because some fuck wit 2 stroke thinks that he can make a name for himself through the supreme court.
Late-term abortion is NEVER a lifestyle choice. Nobody decides late in a pregnancy that they 'just don't want the child'. If it wasn't for medical intervention, wonderful woman like this one
and many others would have been lost to us and would never have gone on to give life to other beautiful children.
I am so incensed that anyone would even consider this, let alone make it a law that it makes me feel sick to the stomach. it is clear that none of the people behind this little piece of history have ever been in the position where they have had to make a decision to save a life.
My only hope is that the rest of the world sees this for the madness it is and doesn't follow the US lead, because who knows where this will end?
*sigh*
A
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
Has the world gone mad?
Ever since I became a mom, watching the news has become HARD work. When I left work on Monday afternoon I was horrified to hear that 2 students had been shot at a university in Virginia. Imagine my horror when I had finished bathing the boys and had put them down for the night, to switch on the tv and find out that the story hadn't yet ended and that so many people had been involved.
My heart goes out to all those families for whom this long and harrowing journey has only just begun.
As I was watching the highlights on Sky News, I noticed that one of the journalists giving his opinion (a British journalist) was saying that although he felt terrible about what had happened, he felt that the UK and other similar countries should follow the US example and allow the individual to own a gun. His argument was that gun crime in the South West of the UK is on the increase and as a result people should be allowed to defend themselves.
There were a few things that bugged me about his statements, namely;
1) The UK has very low gun crime, that is not to say that it doesn't exist but strict gun controls mean that just the act of owning an unlicensed gun is a chargeable offence.
2) His insensitivity towards the surviving families (not to mention the shooters poor parents)
3) His assumption that he has ANY idea what it is like to live in a country where people believe that they have a right to kill someone else if in self defense.
I suspect that if anyone stumbles across this little post who is pro-gun ownership that I will be flamed for daring to question their human rights. Here's the thing though, what about the right to safety and to an education that has been taken from the victims? What about the Human Rights of every person who has ever been caught in the crossfire? Who on earth needs a semi automatic weapon if not to kill someone?
I grew up in Johannesburg, South Africa. Gun crime is massive and if you have a gun the rule is that if you're going to use it, you shoot to kill because if you only injure or maim, that same gun will be turned on you and your loved ones. I am so glad that my children don't live in that society and that they won't grow up believing that owning a gun is their right.
I know that outlawing guns really won't solve the problem because we all know that when something is made illegal it is pushed underground where the authorities have no control whatsoever - just look at the flourishing drug trade around the world if you want an example. I don't know what the overall solution is but I would say that making the act of buying a gun EXTREMELY difficult and making the penalty for owning/handling an unlicensed gun as steep as using it to cause harm would go some way towards readdressing the [in]balance.
I don't know, I guess this post is all over the place, but so is my heart because I look at my children and I can't begin to imagine my life without them.
*sigh*
A
My heart goes out to all those families for whom this long and harrowing journey has only just begun.
As I was watching the highlights on Sky News, I noticed that one of the journalists giving his opinion (a British journalist) was saying that although he felt terrible about what had happened, he felt that the UK and other similar countries should follow the US example and allow the individual to own a gun. His argument was that gun crime in the South West of the UK is on the increase and as a result people should be allowed to defend themselves.
There were a few things that bugged me about his statements, namely;
1) The UK has very low gun crime, that is not to say that it doesn't exist but strict gun controls mean that just the act of owning an unlicensed gun is a chargeable offence.
2) His insensitivity towards the surviving families (not to mention the shooters poor parents)
3) His assumption that he has ANY idea what it is like to live in a country where people believe that they have a right to kill someone else if in self defense.
I suspect that if anyone stumbles across this little post who is pro-gun ownership that I will be flamed for daring to question their human rights. Here's the thing though, what about the right to safety and to an education that has been taken from the victims? What about the Human Rights of every person who has ever been caught in the crossfire? Who on earth needs a semi automatic weapon if not to kill someone?
I grew up in Johannesburg, South Africa. Gun crime is massive and if you have a gun the rule is that if you're going to use it, you shoot to kill because if you only injure or maim, that same gun will be turned on you and your loved ones. I am so glad that my children don't live in that society and that they won't grow up believing that owning a gun is their right.
I know that outlawing guns really won't solve the problem because we all know that when something is made illegal it is pushed underground where the authorities have no control whatsoever - just look at the flourishing drug trade around the world if you want an example. I don't know what the overall solution is but I would say that making the act of buying a gun EXTREMELY difficult and making the penalty for owning/handling an unlicensed gun as steep as using it to cause harm would go some way towards readdressing the [in]balance.
I don't know, I guess this post is all over the place, but so is my heart because I look at my children and I can't begin to imagine my life without them.
*sigh*
A
Sunday, April 15, 2007
10 months, 1 week and 2 days...
Dear Nathan and Thomas,
Today isn't particularly special. It isn't the anniversary of your births or even close to your birthday, in fact you're 10months, 1 week and 2 days old so we're right in the middle of the marked dates. Even so, today has been yet another one of those days where I have to pinch myself to make sure that I am awake and not dreaming.
I really wanted to become a parent. When I met your daddy I knew that my fate was sealed. Oh there were a few fireworks sure but mostly it just felt right, as if we were a perfect fit for one another. Marriage and starting a family became the natural progression for us and we were so excited about it when we saw the little lines that proved you were on your way. By now though, you'll have figured out that we had a bit of a rough time through the pregnancy - I hope you don't ever think that I blamed you for my experience because I don't and I wouldn't go back and change it if I could because then I wouldn't have you.
It took me a while to find my feet but now I think I'm on the right path because everyday you both grow bigger and stronger and so I must be doing something right. Recently you have both become quite clingy and you don't like it when your dad or I leave the room even if your aunty or grandparents are around. It breaks my heart that either of you ever have to feel any fear about us leaving you, we never could and we never will. Even so, a part of me rejoices when you cry a little and then stop as soon as we return because it makes me feel like we're not doing to badly.
I wanted to do a monthly recap of all your milestones but I just didn't seem to find the time. I hope that my memories don't fade too much although I suspect there are many little things that my mind has allowed to slip away. Please know that every day since you two arrived has brought some experience that I never could have comprehended before you came along and even if I don't remember every detail, I still love you desperately and always will.
Your personalities have continued to develop so much over the past few months but you have both retained the same characteristics that you displayed all those months ago when you were in the hospital. It is fascinating watching you interact with one another and we are truly lucky to be spectators as you have already created a secret bond and I have no doubt that it will only get stronger.
Thomas, you're my first born and so you will sometimes feel the weight of responsibility for you brother. Wear it proudly because there will be times when he will need you to be strong for him. You are so like me that even strangers comment out loud. Like me, you are a little bit clumsy and you get frustrated easily. That's OK - it may mean that you spill a few glasses of juice and break a few things but it also means that you're passionate and capable and that this will make people love and rely on you. I suspect that you will be led into mischief by your baby brother and that people will assume your guilt before his just because you're bigger and a bit louder. Don't worry about it too much because it will build your character (and besides we'll always know to check the details first). This month has shown your impatience because you're not content with crawling, instead you're already practicing standing on your own and I swear you're about to break into a run. Slow down just a little bit though my little man, I never said that you could grow up that fast!
Nathan sweetheart, you were so tiny when you were born and so I felt that you needed more protection but you're far tougher than you seem. Right from the start you were quietly strong, you fought to catch up to your brother and he did all he could to help you (remember that when you're bigger and he makes you mad). The nurses worried about your body temperature all the time but as soon as you started sleeping next to Tommy, he began to help you to regulate it so that you could come home. You are a child prone to bouts of deep contemplation and you spend ages figuring out everything. Your daddy is like that so it seems that you're be taking after him in most ways. You have a million different laughs and you use them all the time to make us giggle. You love it when you get a reaction and you'll ham it up until someone interferes or you hurt yourself. You are also so neat and tidy and we're not sure who you get that from because your dad and I aren't very particular about clutter. When we feed the two of you Tommy always covers himself and his surroundings but you hardly mess a drop. We all find this very funny but I hope that sometimes you'll let yourself mess because that's what being a kid is about and besides we really don't mind :-). You are also the mischevious one but you have a smile that looks so innocent. Try not to use this ability on people too often, rather let them see how sweet you are and how much you love to cuddle.
My boys, you make me very proud and I get prouder all the time. Thank-you for 'choosing[1]' us as your parents, we hope to do you proud too.
Love
Mum
[1] One of my dads theories when I was growing up was that children choose their parents at conception and sometimes I like to believe that it could be true.
Today isn't particularly special. It isn't the anniversary of your births or even close to your birthday, in fact you're 10months, 1 week and 2 days old so we're right in the middle of the marked dates. Even so, today has been yet another one of those days where I have to pinch myself to make sure that I am awake and not dreaming.
I really wanted to become a parent. When I met your daddy I knew that my fate was sealed. Oh there were a few fireworks sure but mostly it just felt right, as if we were a perfect fit for one another. Marriage and starting a family became the natural progression for us and we were so excited about it when we saw the little lines that proved you were on your way. By now though, you'll have figured out that we had a bit of a rough time through the pregnancy - I hope you don't ever think that I blamed you for my experience because I don't and I wouldn't go back and change it if I could because then I wouldn't have you.
It took me a while to find my feet but now I think I'm on the right path because everyday you both grow bigger and stronger and so I must be doing something right. Recently you have both become quite clingy and you don't like it when your dad or I leave the room even if your aunty or grandparents are around. It breaks my heart that either of you ever have to feel any fear about us leaving you, we never could and we never will. Even so, a part of me rejoices when you cry a little and then stop as soon as we return because it makes me feel like we're not doing to badly.
I wanted to do a monthly recap of all your milestones but I just didn't seem to find the time. I hope that my memories don't fade too much although I suspect there are many little things that my mind has allowed to slip away. Please know that every day since you two arrived has brought some experience that I never could have comprehended before you came along and even if I don't remember every detail, I still love you desperately and always will.
Your personalities have continued to develop so much over the past few months but you have both retained the same characteristics that you displayed all those months ago when you were in the hospital. It is fascinating watching you interact with one another and we are truly lucky to be spectators as you have already created a secret bond and I have no doubt that it will only get stronger.
Thomas, you're my first born and so you will sometimes feel the weight of responsibility for you brother. Wear it proudly because there will be times when he will need you to be strong for him. You are so like me that even strangers comment out loud. Like me, you are a little bit clumsy and you get frustrated easily. That's OK - it may mean that you spill a few glasses of juice and break a few things but it also means that you're passionate and capable and that this will make people love and rely on you. I suspect that you will be led into mischief by your baby brother and that people will assume your guilt before his just because you're bigger and a bit louder. Don't worry about it too much because it will build your character (and besides we'll always know to check the details first). This month has shown your impatience because you're not content with crawling, instead you're already practicing standing on your own and I swear you're about to break into a run. Slow down just a little bit though my little man, I never said that you could grow up that fast!
Nathan sweetheart, you were so tiny when you were born and so I felt that you needed more protection but you're far tougher than you seem. Right from the start you were quietly strong, you fought to catch up to your brother and he did all he could to help you (remember that when you're bigger and he makes you mad). The nurses worried about your body temperature all the time but as soon as you started sleeping next to Tommy, he began to help you to regulate it so that you could come home. You are a child prone to bouts of deep contemplation and you spend ages figuring out everything. Your daddy is like that so it seems that you're be taking after him in most ways. You have a million different laughs and you use them all the time to make us giggle. You love it when you get a reaction and you'll ham it up until someone interferes or you hurt yourself. You are also so neat and tidy and we're not sure who you get that from because your dad and I aren't very particular about clutter. When we feed the two of you Tommy always covers himself and his surroundings but you hardly mess a drop. We all find this very funny but I hope that sometimes you'll let yourself mess because that's what being a kid is about and besides we really don't mind :-). You are also the mischevious one but you have a smile that looks so innocent. Try not to use this ability on people too often, rather let them see how sweet you are and how much you love to cuddle.
My boys, you make me very proud and I get prouder all the time. Thank-you for 'choosing[1]' us as your parents, we hope to do you proud too.
Love
Mum
[1] One of my dads theories when I was growing up was that children choose their parents at conception and sometimes I like to believe that it could be true.
Friday, April 13, 2007
Friday madness
I can't believe that it is the week-end already. This week has flown by and thankfully each day has improved both in weather and number of hours slept.
After 2 nights of drama with young Thomas, we finally seemed to crack the cycle of over-tiredness. I relented and cradled him to sleep on Wednesday and Thursday night instead of trying to get him to settle on his own. I gather that this was the best thing to do because both nights he (and as a result Nathan) slept right through till morning. We even had to 'wake' them up for their 10:30pm bottle! I am so relieved, I mean I know that we have had more sleep this week than we did in the first few months after the came home but I've been spoilt and I like my sleep dammit :-).
The boys are doing marvellously (is that even a word?) well. Nathan is ahead of the game in terms of teeth having cut his first one weeks ago and now he has a second. Thomas on the other hand has only recently cut through his first tooth however he seems oh so anxious to start walking. Nathan has perfected his crawl (if ever a baby was needed to use for a demonstration it would be him) and so he doesn't seem at all eager to change his mode of movement but Tommy has always preferred the less efficient but significantly quicker shuffle as it makes the transition from moving to sitting happen much faster. He seems to already be frustrated with this though and has over the past few days started pulling himself up to a standing position and then letting go so that he can balance on his own.
It really is quite funny because as soon as he realises that he is standing unsupported he panics and falls over (he usually cries too but there haven't been any bad accidents yet) but within minutes he is trying again. Nathan finds this all tremendously hilarious and I am just waiting for the moment that he starts putting obstacles in his brothers way :-)
I plan to do a big post over the week-end because I want to write about how different the boys are from one another (I know a long post AND over the week-end) so watch this space.
A
p.s thanks for the kind words re: my situation. Things are much better now and I'm looking forward to spending a lot more time with the boys over the coming months.
After 2 nights of drama with young Thomas, we finally seemed to crack the cycle of over-tiredness. I relented and cradled him to sleep on Wednesday and Thursday night instead of trying to get him to settle on his own. I gather that this was the best thing to do because both nights he (and as a result Nathan) slept right through till morning. We even had to 'wake' them up for their 10:30pm bottle! I am so relieved, I mean I know that we have had more sleep this week than we did in the first few months after the came home but I've been spoilt and I like my sleep dammit :-).
The boys are doing marvellously (is that even a word?) well. Nathan is ahead of the game in terms of teeth having cut his first one weeks ago and now he has a second. Thomas on the other hand has only recently cut through his first tooth however he seems oh so anxious to start walking. Nathan has perfected his crawl (if ever a baby was needed to use for a demonstration it would be him) and so he doesn't seem at all eager to change his mode of movement but Tommy has always preferred the less efficient but significantly quicker shuffle as it makes the transition from moving to sitting happen much faster. He seems to already be frustrated with this though and has over the past few days started pulling himself up to a standing position and then letting go so that he can balance on his own.
It really is quite funny because as soon as he realises that he is standing unsupported he panics and falls over (he usually cries too but there haven't been any bad accidents yet) but within minutes he is trying again. Nathan finds this all tremendously hilarious and I am just waiting for the moment that he starts putting obstacles in his brothers way :-)
I plan to do a big post over the week-end because I want to write about how different the boys are from one another (I know a long post AND over the week-end) so watch this space.
A
p.s thanks for the kind words re: my situation. Things are much better now and I'm looking forward to spending a lot more time with the boys over the coming months.
Monday, April 09, 2007
Where is the end of your tether?
It has been a week-end full of contrasts. Gorgeous weather, sick children, chocolate goodies oh and did I mention the sick children?
Tommy developed a tight chest on Thursday night. He had to pick the night before a long week-end, I hear that is an unspoken rule amongst children, pick the most difficult time to fall ill - it ensures that you have the undivided attention of every adult at all times! Anyway, he developed a tight chest which sounded exactly like Crupe. Years ago my sister suffered from bouts of Crupe at the change of every season until the age of about 6 so I remember the sound all too well. Unfortunately I hadn't yet bought a humidifier because I am a bad mother and thus I don't deserve healthy children, so the poor tyke had to make do until Friday morning. I called out doctors emergency number on Friday morning and they had the on duty nurse call me back.
I explained the situation and mentioned that Nate was showing some signs of getting it as well. Her advice was to dose them up every 4 hours or so on paracetamol and if necessary alternate with Ibuprofen. Unfortunately it seems that not much more could be done over the long week-end - didn't we know that people (including doctors) are on holiday? So we muddled through and admittedly the days weren't too bad.
Last night the boys slept really well. They woke occasionally from the barking but seemed willing and able to go back to sleep without too much prompting. I took this to be a sign that we had reached a turning point and I made the silly mistake of lowering my guard.
Roll on this evening, by bath time both boys were winging and rubbing their eyes so we knew that they were exhausted from all the activities over the week-end. We followed the same routine that we have used for the last 7 months with nothing different. We bathed, dresses and fed them and took them off to bed as we always do except Tommy decided that he didn't want to sleep. None of the normal tricks worked and he alternated between crying and laughing. I tried ignoring him but he woke Nathan up so he had to be re-settled. I tried pacing, the RO tried his full repertoire of tricks too. Eventually in desperation I took Tommy into our room and put him on the bed. The poor chap was obviously exhausted as was evident in his inability to keep his head up for more than a few seconds at a time but every time I tried to get him to lie down and relax he would fight it. Nearly 2 hours later he finally gave in and allowed me to return him to his bed.
I thought I knew what patience was before, now I'm just thankful that I have Fluoxetine to help me through these moments.
So what does it take to press your buttons?
A
Tommy developed a tight chest on Thursday night. He had to pick the night before a long week-end, I hear that is an unspoken rule amongst children, pick the most difficult time to fall ill - it ensures that you have the undivided attention of every adult at all times! Anyway, he developed a tight chest which sounded exactly like Crupe. Years ago my sister suffered from bouts of Crupe at the change of every season until the age of about 6 so I remember the sound all too well. Unfortunately I hadn't yet bought a humidifier because I am a bad mother and thus I don't deserve healthy children, so the poor tyke had to make do until Friday morning. I called out doctors emergency number on Friday morning and they had the on duty nurse call me back.
I explained the situation and mentioned that Nate was showing some signs of getting it as well. Her advice was to dose them up every 4 hours or so on paracetamol and if necessary alternate with Ibuprofen. Unfortunately it seems that not much more could be done over the long week-end - didn't we know that people (including doctors) are on holiday? So we muddled through and admittedly the days weren't too bad.
Last night the boys slept really well. They woke occasionally from the barking but seemed willing and able to go back to sleep without too much prompting. I took this to be a sign that we had reached a turning point and I made the silly mistake of lowering my guard.
Roll on this evening, by bath time both boys were winging and rubbing their eyes so we knew that they were exhausted from all the activities over the week-end. We followed the same routine that we have used for the last 7 months with nothing different. We bathed, dresses and fed them and took them off to bed as we always do except Tommy decided that he didn't want to sleep. None of the normal tricks worked and he alternated between crying and laughing. I tried ignoring him but he woke Nathan up so he had to be re-settled. I tried pacing, the RO tried his full repertoire of tricks too. Eventually in desperation I took Tommy into our room and put him on the bed. The poor chap was obviously exhausted as was evident in his inability to keep his head up for more than a few seconds at a time but every time I tried to get him to lie down and relax he would fight it. Nearly 2 hours later he finally gave in and allowed me to return him to his bed.
I thought I knew what patience was before, now I'm just thankful that I have Fluoxetine to help me through these moments.
So what does it take to press your buttons?
A
Thursday, April 05, 2007
There is a god and boy is she funny!
Why else would this week be such a rollercoaster? Monday and Tuesday were awful - far harder than I have experienced for many months and I honestly couldn't see the light for the crap heap.
Yesterday we had our first meeting with our new director. Having been burned many times, I was reserving judgement until I had a clearer idea of what his intentions were. The meeting was pleasant, everyone contributed, plans were discussed, objectives set and I left feeling more upbeat than I thought possible. Until that is, today....
Today my boss called me in and essentially handed me all of my dreams on a plate. Flexible working so that I can spend an extra hour with my boys in the late afternoon, Wednesday afternoons off so that I can take them to the multiples club and swimming lessons AND the option to work from home should one of the rats for ill!
It's as if the sun has come out which it has, and it's Easter so 2 Fridays and 2 Saturdays! YAY for all of us.
Happy Easter everyone.
A
Yesterday we had our first meeting with our new director. Having been burned many times, I was reserving judgement until I had a clearer idea of what his intentions were. The meeting was pleasant, everyone contributed, plans were discussed, objectives set and I left feeling more upbeat than I thought possible. Until that is, today....
Today my boss called me in and essentially handed me all of my dreams on a plate. Flexible working so that I can spend an extra hour with my boys in the late afternoon, Wednesday afternoons off so that I can take them to the multiples club and swimming lessons AND the option to work from home should one of the rats for ill!
It's as if the sun has come out
Happy Easter everyone.
A
Monday, April 02, 2007
You'd never say that my dose has recently been doubled up..
Blogging is such a popular hobby these days and with it comes all sorts of complications, not the least of which has landed many a blogger in some hot water (see the definition of Dooce and you'll know exactly what I mean). Because of this, I suspect many bloggers censor this part of their lives in an attempt to preserve the security that a job provides. Unfortunately this also means that where the blog is a confident and a saviour for many other stresses, it provides no relief for the most stressful influence of all. And so I'm taking the plunge and using my crutch, I'm lifting the lid and I'm hoping to purge my soul....
I used to enjoy working where I do. It has never been an easy place to work but the job has in the past been quite fulfilling and relatively well paid so I was willing to overlook the odd mishap because it suited me to do so. Unfortunately those days have come and gone and all that is left is the husk of a person whose sense of self and confidence has been drained seemingly beyond repair.
I have tried speaking to the boss, to the HR Director, to the CEO, to the new boss but it seems that I have lost my ability to make people listen, to speak succinctly and with conviction because it all falls on deaf ears.
The government says that we as parents have a right to ask our employers to consider some form of flexible working. Unfortunately the specifics are vague and the employer is only required to consider the request and provide a business reason if they turn the request down. When my request was turned down, there was no explanation, I was simply told that it was a business decision and that my only alternative was to move to part-time hours. For financial reasons, this wasn't viable so I backed down.
These last 10 days at home have only reminded me of everything that I am missing. I know that many of you working mums (and dads) deal with your own measure of guilt all the time and it saddens me that we have to! Being a parent is a full time job. It is an important job and one that is too quickly dismissed by those who are too stupid/ignorant/jealous/selfish to accept that parents have a biological right to special treatment - society depends on it, the economy depends on it, hell, even survival of the species depends on it.
I guess it is safe to say that I am going through a bit of a bitter phase. I am trying to figure a way out of this mess. A way that I can experience at least part of my children's lives during the week instead of just settling for being a week-end mum. And I am actively trying and hoping that something bares fruit - preferably before I lose my mind.
A
I used to enjoy working where I do. It has never been an easy place to work but the job has in the past been quite fulfilling and relatively well paid so I was willing to overlook the odd mishap because it suited me to do so. Unfortunately those days have come and gone and all that is left is the husk of a person whose sense of self and confidence has been drained seemingly beyond repair.
I have tried speaking to the boss, to the HR Director, to the CEO, to the new boss but it seems that I have lost my ability to make people listen, to speak succinctly and with conviction because it all falls on deaf ears.
The government says that we as parents have a right to ask our employers to consider some form of flexible working. Unfortunately the specifics are vague and the employer is only required to consider the request and provide a business reason if they turn the request down. When my request was turned down, there was no explanation, I was simply told that it was a business decision and that my only alternative was to move to part-time hours. For financial reasons, this wasn't viable so I backed down.
These last 10 days at home have only reminded me of everything that I am missing. I know that many of you working mums (and dads) deal with your own measure of guilt all the time and it saddens me that we have to! Being a parent is a full time job. It is an important job and one that is too quickly dismissed by those who are too stupid/ignorant/jealous/selfish to accept that parents have a biological right to special treatment - society depends on it, the economy depends on it, hell, even survival of the species depends on it.
I guess it is safe to say that I am going through a bit of a bitter phase. I am trying to figure a way out of this mess. A way that I can experience at least part of my children's lives during the week instead of just settling for being a week-end mum. And I am actively trying and hoping that something bares fruit - preferably before I lose my mind.
A
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
A quick update....
Just so that you don't think that I've gone and deserted y'all, I'm going to give a quick update....
The boys are crawling (and Tommy is actually trying to stand already!)
My sister has extended her holiday in SA
My hubby is booked off until Monday
I have had my best friend visit for a few days
Over the last week we have:
Looked after the boys all on our own (and thoroughly enjoyed it)
Travelled around 500 miles visiting extended family
Celebrated an 80th birthday
Done a huge pile of laundry (without really making a dent)
Vacuumed!!
Packed and sorted toys
And I have...
Sorted out the baby clothes which don't fit the boys
Packed several boxes of baby clothes to send to charity
Sewn new cot bumpers for the cots to try and stop the mid-night head bumping
Bought the materials to build a new desk
Bought a web cam!!
Accomplished a whole bunch of niggly things that I've been intending to do but never seem to find the time
Still to do....
Loads, but on the top of the list is FIND A NEW JOB! (but you didn't hear that from me).
See ya later peeps,
A
The boys are crawling (and Tommy is actually trying to stand already!)
My sister has extended her holiday in SA
My hubby is booked off until Monday
I have had my best friend visit for a few days
Over the last week we have:
Looked after the boys all on our own (and thoroughly enjoyed it)
Travelled around 500 miles visiting extended family
Celebrated an 80th birthday
Done a huge pile of laundry (without really making a dent)
Vacuumed!!
Packed and sorted toys
And I have...
Sorted out the baby clothes which don't fit the boys
Packed several boxes of baby clothes to send to charity
Sewn new cot bumpers for the cots to try and stop the mid-night head bumping
Bought the materials to build a new desk
Bought a web cam!!
Accomplished a whole bunch of niggly things that I've been intending to do but never seem to find the time
Still to do....
Loads, but on the top of the list is FIND A NEW JOB! (but you didn't hear that from me).
See ya later peeps,
A
Monday, March 19, 2007
Timewarp blogging
Yeh, I know that I said that I would post around Tuesday-ish but it seems that time just passed me by and here it is the following Monday and I'm only updating now. To say that life is hectic right now would be a HUGE understatement. This is what things look like in the village at the mo'...
* Hubby is booked off and at home and may be for some time yet. As we work together, this means that life at work is a little strange as everyone expects me to keep them up to date and I don't see it as my place to do so.
* On the work front the optimism has faded. Being turned down for flexible working, told that they won't pay towards my degree because it isn't beneficial to my current role (it is, but even if it wasn't, surely furthering my education is beneficial to my company?) and having to accept that I'll never get to explore any other opportunities due to my rather unique position (that nobody else wants) means that I'm having to try and figure out some other plan.
* This 'some other plan' is taking up far more of my time and attention than I anticipated.
* Preparing for the next 2 weeks - starting Wednesday - when my sisters return to South Africa and I get to be primary carer to the boys (I'm sure I'm going to love it, but that doesn't stop me from being very nervous).
* We all have colds - a minor ailment but trying nonetheless.
I have so many posts running around in my head, I just need to get a handle on things so that I can make head or tail of them.
I promise to be more consistent from Thursday as then I'll have some me time.
A
* Hubby is booked off and at home and may be for some time yet. As we work together, this means that life at work is a little strange as everyone expects me to keep them up to date and I don't see it as my place to do so.
* On the work front the optimism has faded. Being turned down for flexible working, told that they won't pay towards my degree because it isn't beneficial to my current role (it is, but even if it wasn't, surely furthering my education is beneficial to my company?) and having to accept that I'll never get to explore any other opportunities due to my rather unique position (that nobody else wants) means that I'm having to try and figure out some other plan.
* This 'some other plan' is taking up far more of my time and attention than I anticipated.
* Preparing for the next 2 weeks - starting Wednesday - when my sisters return to South Africa and I get to be primary carer to the boys (I'm sure I'm going to love it, but that doesn't stop me from being very nervous).
* We all have colds - a minor ailment but trying nonetheless.
I have so many posts running around in my head, I just need to get a handle on things so that I can make head or tail of them.
I promise to be more consistent from Thursday as then I'll have some me time.
A
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
I haven't forgotten..
I am just so very busy right now.
Fortunately broadband is fixed at home so I will post something fresh and exciting this evening.
That is all.
A
p.s Congratulations to HER - I'm holding thumbs :-)
Fortunately broadband is fixed at home so I will post something fresh and exciting this evening.
That is all.
A
p.s Congratulations to HER - I'm holding thumbs :-)
Friday, March 09, 2007
A roundup..
It has been a loooong week. I'm convinced that someone slipped an extra day in somewhere and it's not funny!
Here's a round-up of the week (because I'm tired and lacking in inspiration);
Monday - Truly horrible news that Sheldean Human's body had been found. A horrible story and my heart goes out to her parents. The day didn't improve and Nathan developed a really bad case of chicken pox.
Tuesday - No sleep. Nathan's chicken pox developed much faster and was far more serious than his brothers was. The poor child (and mum) slept not one bit.
Wednesday - The chicken pox doesn't let up. After a grueling days work, I returned home to a child with a raging temperature. Whilst feeding him an ice cube to bring his temp down I discovered that he has cut a tooth! Through the chicken pox my brave baby boy cut a tooth *bless*
Thursday - I was convinced it was Friday, all-day and nobody could convince me otherwise. Until that is, I woke up today and discovered that everyone was right and yesterday wasn't Friday but...
Friday - dawned and here I am with 2 hours left of the day. YAY! And Nathan returned to daycare this morning so everything is going back to normal. In as much as it can :-)
Roll on spring!
A
Here's a round-up of the week (because I'm tired and lacking in inspiration);
Monday - Truly horrible news that Sheldean Human's body had been found. A horrible story and my heart goes out to her parents. The day didn't improve and Nathan developed a really bad case of chicken pox.
Tuesday - No sleep. Nathan's chicken pox developed much faster and was far more serious than his brothers was. The poor child (and mum) slept not one bit.
Wednesday - The chicken pox doesn't let up. After a grueling days work, I returned home to a child with a raging temperature. Whilst feeding him an ice cube to bring his temp down I discovered that he has cut a tooth! Through the chicken pox my brave baby boy cut a tooth *bless*
Thursday - I was convinced it was Friday, all-day and nobody could convince me otherwise. Until that is, I woke up today and discovered that everyone was right and yesterday wasn't Friday but...
Friday - dawned and here I am with 2 hours left of the day. YAY! And Nathan returned to daycare this morning so everything is going back to normal. In as much as it can :-)
Roll on spring!
A
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
Mommy Bloggers T.O.T.W - Favourite tv show as a kid
Growing up in South Africa meant that we really had strange tv shows. Television only found its way to our fine land in 1976 (the year I was born) and we only got half an hours worth of news for the first few years.
My first memory of a favourite show was an Afrikaans classic called Trompie. Essentially a story about a naughty little farm boy who used to get into mischief all the time.
Once American and British tv found its way to us all sorts of things caught my attention. Those that stand out (in no particular order) are, Transformers; Robotech; He-Man and the A-Team. I may be a girl but it seems the boyish shows appealed the most.
As a young teenager I watched Beverly Hills 90210, Melrose Place and pretty much any other trashy angsty teenage drama and to be honest, they'd still be my guilty pleasure :-)
A
When words just simply aren't enough... RIP Sheldean
My hope is that she didn't suffer and that her family will be able to wake up one day and see that the sun is shining.
Alley
Alley
Thought provoking stuff..
I have somehow found my way to this lovely lady and I am so impressed with her that I am currently reading all her archives. Amazingly almost every post makes me exclaim loudly that I agree! Absolutely! You fracken said it susta!
Anyway, Andrea has got me to thinking about our lots as mothers in Western society and it is true that we are heading for a meltdown if we don't all start being more honest about how difficult parenthood is. I look at the society of teenagers who are the children of teenagers and how little concept of structure they have and I worry that in years to come we will look back and discover that all the 'helpful' books and advice and guidance has only resulted in our children being obsessive about image and perception rather than about the reality.
I thought that I was prepared. I thought that I had been exposed to the concepts of parenting and children often enough to know that it would be hard. I didn't know. I still haven't been able to intellectualise the process that we are going through. I never thought that there would be moments when I felt physically ill with fear. Fear that I would fail myself and in so doing that I would fail my children. I knew about dirty nappies and sleepless nights but I hadn't experienced the constant demands that these things have on your life. I didn't have any idea about the financial burden that children bring - even though I thought that I had researched it, the true expense is far more than I could imagine.
There was something else that I thought I knew but I didn't and that was just how much love I have to give my boys. How often my breath catches in my throat when they smile. How horrible I feel when they're feeling sick or tired and I can't comfort them. I never thought for a second that loving my children could be so BIG! Or that expressing that love would feel so right.
So if anyone stumbles across this, let me say this. It is far harder than you can imagine. It is more tiring, more expensive, more difficult, more time consuming and most importantly parenthood is far more fulfilling than you can fathom right now. My advice is to try and live each moment and when the moments are too hard and you think that you can't do it, know that the moment will pass and another one will replace it - usually a better one, sometimes a greater one.
I am so grateful and happy to all of these woman for making me feel normal.
A
Anyway, Andrea has got me to thinking about our lots as mothers in Western society and it is true that we are heading for a meltdown if we don't all start being more honest about how difficult parenthood is. I look at the society of teenagers who are the children of teenagers and how little concept of structure they have and I worry that in years to come we will look back and discover that all the 'helpful' books and advice and guidance has only resulted in our children being obsessive about image and perception rather than about the reality.
I thought that I was prepared. I thought that I had been exposed to the concepts of parenting and children often enough to know that it would be hard. I didn't know. I still haven't been able to intellectualise the process that we are going through. I never thought that there would be moments when I felt physically ill with fear. Fear that I would fail myself and in so doing that I would fail my children. I knew about dirty nappies and sleepless nights but I hadn't experienced the constant demands that these things have on your life. I didn't have any idea about the financial burden that children bring - even though I thought that I had researched it, the true expense is far more than I could imagine.
There was something else that I thought I knew but I didn't and that was just how much love I have to give my boys. How often my breath catches in my throat when they smile. How horrible I feel when they're feeling sick or tired and I can't comfort them. I never thought for a second that loving my children could be so BIG! Or that expressing that love would feel so right.
So if anyone stumbles across this, let me say this. It is far harder than you can imagine. It is more tiring, more expensive, more difficult, more time consuming and most importantly parenthood is far more fulfilling than you can fathom right now. My advice is to try and live each moment and when the moments are too hard and you think that you can't do it, know that the moment will pass and another one will replace it - usually a better one, sometimes a greater one.
I am so grateful and happy to all of these woman for making me feel normal.
A
Monday, March 05, 2007
oohh ooohhh I remembered another funny moment!
(not sure if it is against the rules to post a second funny moment but it is so much funnier)
This morning the SO and I had both boys sitting on our bed with us. Nathan (the younger twin) is of course covered in chickenpox spots and he had been coughing on and off through the night. As the SO was spending the day at home with him, I asked him to keep and eye on the cough and that if it got any worse he was to call me and I would come home. At this point my 9 month old (eldest) son look up at me and gave me a deadpan *cough* *cough*!
Is it possible to have created an hypochondriac already?
A
This morning the SO and I had both boys sitting on our bed with us. Nathan (the younger twin) is of course covered in chickenpox spots and he had been coughing on and off through the night. As the SO was spending the day at home with him, I asked him to keep and eye on the cough and that if it got any worse he was to call me and I would come home. At this point my 9 month old (eldest) son look up at me and gave me a deadpan *cough* *cough*!
Is it possible to have created an hypochondriac already?
A
Carnival Post - Funniest Moment as a Parent
I'm new to this whole thing (both being a parent and being a member of a blog ring) so you'll forgive me if I get something wrong - feel free to point it out so that I can learn from my mistakes.
Being new to parenthood means that I don't have as many of these funny moments as everyone else does and perhaps my benchmark for what is funny will change in the coming months and years, but thats not to say that there haven't been any funny moments and yesterday comes to mind.
Picture the scene: my eldest Tommy is recovering from chickenpox. He is covered in scabs in varying states of healing and he is suffering from a serious case of momma attachment. Yesterday, his brother (my youngest) woke up covered in spots, seriously grumpy and desperate to be the center of my attention. The day was HARD - one of those days that test the limits of my medication and make me want to seriously re-think my new position in the world. My nerves had just reached the point where every sound feels like a dagger and even the most thoughtful suggestion or pitying look invoked a murderous thought.
The turning point for days like this is at 6pm when I can strip them off - bath, dress and feed them and then put them down in their cots (and by I, I of course mean my hubby as well). At around 5:50 last night, I had had enough and began stripping Nathan down but as I was standing waiting for the sink to fill up (yeh we're hippies, we bath them in the sink) I felt this warm dribble down my leg - the warm dribble of a baby having a wee onto my beautiful wooden floors and cheap patent leather shoes.
I guess it was seriously situational (it doesn't seem half as funny as it warranted at the time) but it was one of the moments where the balance can be tipped either way - fortunately for him I don't begrudge him his toilet humour, in fact I embrace it!
A
Being new to parenthood means that I don't have as many of these funny moments as everyone else does and perhaps my benchmark for what is funny will change in the coming months and years, but thats not to say that there haven't been any funny moments and yesterday comes to mind.
Picture the scene: my eldest Tommy is recovering from chickenpox. He is covered in scabs in varying states of healing and he is suffering from a serious case of momma attachment. Yesterday, his brother (my youngest) woke up covered in spots, seriously grumpy and desperate to be the center of my attention. The day was HARD - one of those days that test the limits of my medication and make me want to seriously re-think my new position in the world. My nerves had just reached the point where every sound feels like a dagger and even the most thoughtful suggestion or pitying look invoked a murderous thought.
The turning point for days like this is at 6pm when I can strip them off - bath, dress and feed them and then put them down in their cots (and by I, I of course mean my hubby as well). At around 5:50 last night, I had had enough and began stripping Nathan down but as I was standing waiting for the sink to fill up (yeh we're hippies, we bath them in the sink) I felt this warm dribble down my leg - the warm dribble of a baby having a wee onto my beautiful wooden floors and cheap patent leather shoes.
I guess it was seriously situational (it doesn't seem half as funny as it warranted at the time) but it was one of the moments where the balance can be tipped either way - fortunately for him I don't begrudge him his toilet humour, in fact I embrace it!
A
The ups and downs
The week-end proved to be both good and bad in equal amounts...
Tommy is feeling much better and Friday night both boys remained in good spirits. I guess I should have known that it wouldn't last but clearly motherhood still hasn't quite beaten the spirit out of me :-)
Saturday morning, Nate woke up with a couple of spots. I tried to be optimistic and as he was in an excellent mood I thought that they may just be random spots. Unfortunately murphy strikes and so has the chicken pox. Poor little Nate has it far worse than Tommy did so he is at home with his dad being pampered.
On a happier note, my sister and I managed to get some of the outside walls painted. Give us a few more week-ends and we'll finally have before and after pictures :-)
Role on the week-end I say (and yes, I know that it is Monday *sigh*)
A
Tommy is feeling much better and Friday night both boys remained in good spirits. I guess I should have known that it wouldn't last but clearly motherhood still hasn't quite beaten the spirit out of me :-)
Saturday morning, Nate woke up with a couple of spots. I tried to be optimistic and as he was in an excellent mood I thought that they may just be random spots. Unfortunately murphy strikes and so has the chicken pox. Poor little Nate has it far worse than Tommy did so he is at home with his dad being pampered.
On a happier note, my sister and I managed to get some of the outside walls painted. Give us a few more week-ends and we'll finally have before and after pictures :-)
Role on the week-end I say (and yes, I know that it is Monday *sigh*)
A
Friday, March 02, 2007
Missing Child - Sheldean Human
God knows that I'm not usually one for hysterics, but I have been following a story back home in South Africa about a little girl that has been missing for almost 2 weeks now.
In a bid to lend some support, I'm posting the details here - if you feel like its something you'd like to help with, feel free to pass the information along. Please don't change the details on the poster, that way we can make sure that it stays accurate.
Thanks in advance!
A
In a bid to lend some support, I'm posting the details here - if you feel like its something you'd like to help with, feel free to pass the information along. Please don't change the details on the poster, that way we can make sure that it stays accurate.
Thanks in advance!
A
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
