Double Delight

From me to you..

2009-06-16T15:49:00.005+01:00

Dear Nath and Tom,

Recently you turned 3 and it has been such a great experience that I am struggling to remember the dark moments when it wasn't all crazy stories and new adventures. It isn't that I want to hold onto the dark times but I want to remember the moments when it was tough because they make these ones so much sweeter.

It feels as though you have grown up overnight. Suddenly you are in big boy pants and you've given your dummies away. Your legs have grown and your chubby cheeks are disappearing before my eyes. Every photograph captures a different aspect to your personalities and offers glimpses of the little boys inside as you discover new things that you are capable of. You have lost much of your earlier anxieties about change and are becoming more independent but I love that you still prefer to be together, even if it means sharing what could have been yours alone. You both make us laugh so much and I constantly wish that I had a little tape recorder going to capture the differences in your sense of humour.

Tom, you have picked up so many of my traits and I now know why your grandad was as he was because the early morning questions are a killer ;-). This coupled with the tendency to tease means that you are destined for a life filled with equal amounts of laughter and reprimand but don't fret about it - those who get it will love every second of it. Your enthusiasm for music and singing is so adorable that your dad and I stop every night as you join in with the Tigger and Windy-Pooh song, slap your cap and recite your super sleuth oath. I honestly think that if we could bottle that cuteness we would bring about world peace in a second. Your fun loving personality is not without flaw, the stubborn resistance to coercion may bode well for the future but it makes it a little tough for us to get you to do some things and you can get really over excited which almost always ends in disaster but you're also so charming and affectionate that you're always forgiven quickly.

Nath, the last month has seen you blossom and grow into such a great little boy. You're absorbing things so quickly that we are constantly amazed by what you are aware of! I know you don't get it from me but like your dad you're going to be the brains in the outfit and this coupled with your good looks will take you a long way. I am so glad that you've suddenly started taking chances, I was a little worried that you would be a more anxious child but here you are jumping, running and tackling your brother with complete abandon. Although you're not as lyrical as your brother you certainly make up for it with enthusiasm and your giggles are so completely unique and infectious that we all crack up when you do. I think that you will have a more serious nature than Tom which is a good thing because I suspect he will need to lean on you from time to time.

It has been a long and sometimes difficult journey but I am so very glad that I have taken it because you have brought such joy into my life that I couldn't possibly wish for anything more.

Happy Birthday my twins,
Your mama

Wherein I admit some personal shortcomings...

2009-05-24T19:55:00.002+01:00

So I have suddenly noticed a weird pattern here at the homestead and I am not liking the picture that it paints.

It seems I have developed a strange and alarmingly annoying habit of being grumpy on a Saturday. I'm not sure when this started, or why but looking back over the last few weeks (as far back as my poor, challenged memory goes) Saturdays are the days when I am most likely to zip on the doberman suit and develop fish-wife like tendencies.

It seems that despite Saturdays being the very best day of the week when I was in my twenties, it is now the day when I want to get the most done and am most inclined to become irritable with those around me. Of course this general grumpiness carries over to the kids as well and I think that may be at least part of the reason why Saturdays are so much more tiring and fraught than Sundays.

Yesterday the boys and I kept bumping heads. We had several potty accidents (read: crappy pants *sigh*), complete selective hearing and some very confrontational 'moments'. This, added to my desire to get some shit done meant that even nap time was disrupted and we were all completed exhausted at the end of the day.

Today started out so much better with no potty accidents and we even left the house for 2 hours to go to a birthday party! Despite copious amounts of chocolate, sugar and other party specific junk food we still managed to get home, have a nap, play in the garden and go to sleep with no hitches at all. Not only that, I also managed to get a couple of the chairs repainted so it wasn't as if they had my undivided attention.

The childminder was at the party and we were chatting about it and she thinks that it may also be that they find Saturdays a bit weird because they're between routines but we'll see because the childminder is on leave this week so between us, the RO and I are SAHP's. Watch this space folks 'cause who knows what this week will bring!

VP

IComWeLeave May

2009-05-22T12:39:00.000+01:00

Hello and welcome to all the ICWLers, please remember to leave a link to your blog if you're not on blogger so that I can follow you around ;-)..

I had already composed a decent introduction post for a previous month but things have moved on since then and so I can't in good faith use it so I shall try again.

I am the Villagepig, so named because it is the English translation of the Welsh name for our house. I am not trying to be self deprecating although sometimes that does happen anyway. I am a mother to twin boys. I had a horrible and very difficult pregnancy, post natal depression and have only recently actually started to enjoy parenthood in the conventional manner.

For a large proportion of you the above paragraph will probably be a bit like chewing and swallowing glass because for you, pregnancy is the prize, the difficult and elusive culmination of years of failed conceptions. I really wish that it wasn't so and I wish that I could do more to try and help alleviate some of the pain. I tried to become an egg donor but it seems that it wasn't to be and I have recently been told that I have low ovarian reserve and am a candidate for early onset of menopause. Oh joy doesn't that sound like fun?

I have chosen not to dwell on the future because I am more of an 'in the moment' kind of gal but I needed to say all this because I had so hoped to be able to provide an example for other fertile's to follow and I didn't want anyone to feel that I had made claims that I wasn't ever going to fulfill.

Thank you for visiting and for (hopefully) commenting. I will do my very best to visit all of you as well and have no doubt that we will all find some new inspiration along the way.

Happy ICWL!
VP

Wordless Wednesday - Rare moments of calm...

2009-05-20T12:54:00.002+01:00

So beautiful that they make my heart hurt!

I told you so!

2009-05-18T20:50:00.002+01:00

See, just as I said - you think you have it all worked out and then you realise that you have absolutely no idea!

So my post on Saturday was pretty deep right? That's because Saturday was d.i.f.f.i.c.u.l.t! Mainly due to the potty training but not helped but crappy weather (rain!) and general crabbiness.

Sunday morning dawned bright and early because for some reason the boys always get up early on the week-end but they were both in the most delightful mood. Nath came prancing in and announced that his brother was really nice and could he have a cuddle. Tell me anyone who can be grouchy after that.

The morning started well and just got better. The boys went onto the potty immediately and didn't have a single accident all day long. We have introduced the reward scheme (thanks Penny!) and it does seem to have clicked. Even the childminder was impressed because they didn't have a nappy at all today and were perfectly dry, so much so that she is taking them to the library tomorrow wearing only underpants! Well possibly trousers, a shirt, socks and shoes as well but that's all honest ;-)

So what can I say? They can be truly delightful when they want to be and today.... I love them very much.

VP

p.s. have had a good day all round because I have last half a stone over the last 4 weeks, something I plan to continue doing especially if I can remember to take my damn thyroxine!

Humble Pie - The truth about parenting...

2009-05-16T20:23:00.003+01:00

The only constant truth about parenting is that it never works out the way you expect it to so just as you think you have it sussed, the next stage starts and the 'fumbling around in the dark' bit starts all over again. This for me is the one aspect of it which makes it equally the most rewarding and humbling experience of my life.

Nothing about being a parent is as I expected it to be. I guess that we all have an idea of the type of parent that we aspire to be but this image is so much clearer before the reality of being one clouds the view. I have discovered that there are fundamental parts of my personality which have changed and which have had a positive, if bewildering affect on me as an individual.

In my pre-children years I was very spontaneous and my idea of routine was to not have one and to reinvent myself over and over. I loved to move, to change my hair and my style as often as I wanted but when I think back to those days now they're alien to me and I can't figure out how (or if) I was ever fulfilled.

Perhaps the truth is that routine is the corner stone for the bewildered parent, it is the foundation that substitutes for the lost family circle because it brings familiarity and comfort. The problem is that with children, especially when they're young the routine has to grow and change to accommodate their development and for the bewildered parent this brings unfamiliar territory.

I love the routine that we have built for the boys. We're not hugely strict about most things but we're pretty vigilant about when they eat, nap and especially when they go to bed. Built into this daily routine is all the little things which have evolved either through desire or necessity but all of them at some point face the prospect of ending. We are going through one of those transitions at the moment and I am having to face my personal shortcomings through the process.

I appealed for some advice about potty training twins a while back and a very good friend sent me some excellent advice. We tried but ultimately it was our childminder who really instigated the change and we're following her lead. The problem is that I find frustration and impatience bubbling up and over far more than I am comfortable with as we struggle to balance fair consistency with the practical issues which inevitably come up.

I really wish that I was more patient and more consistent but honestly I am just doing whatever is necessary to get to through this stage to the brief island of calm before the next stage kicks in.

Eish! The toddler years are so tiring!

VP

What would you do?

2009-05-13T19:49:00.004+01:00

There are many things that I generally don't post about here for fear of repercussions. I don't post about work and I don't usually write about family because out of context things can be misinterpreted which leads to misunderstandings which leads to fights... But something happened over the last few days and I can't quite decide whether I am overreacting or reasonably pissed off.

See, I have siblings, younger ones who all live back home and who all live with my parents. They're not children, they are all in their twenties, capable, smart individuals with it seems zero ambition. I want more than anything to be confident that they are looking forward and aspiring towards something because above all else, I despise complacency.

As a South African living in another country it is difficult for me to express this opinion without those living back home becoming upset because they feel that I can't possibly know how hard it is for them and I imagine that they think that it was so much easier for me when I was starting out. The thing is that whether it is harder or not is entirely irrelevant because the situation back home is what it is and only hard work and perseverance will change the circumstances. I have tried to help in any way that I can. I am adept at finding solutions, it is what I do so when a problem presents its self I make it my mission to find as many potential answers as I can but it seems that either they're inappropriate answers or they're just not welcome and this is where my dilemma comes in.

I have some very successful and capable friends back home, many of whom have built careers in a difficult economy and I recently heard about a vacancy working with one of these friends. To say it was a fantastic opportunity would be to put it mildly. A small, fun, successful organisation with strong community ties and an excellent track record for employee satisfaction. Perhaps naively I thought of the my oldest, younger sister. She has the skills, the ability and the reliability to make the most of the position and to turn it into something great. I immediately informed her of the position and suggested that she e-mail her CV across because I know that all 3 of them are 'looking' for jobs and that she especially would like to get back into work.

That was Monday and when I hadn't heard anything from her this morning I sent her a text asking what was happening. Her response was that she had decided not to send it and that she was going to try another company instead. It was around this time that I got really, really angry. I was angry not only at the fact that she hadn't let me or my friend know that she wasn't sending her CV but also that she was throwing something away with such amazing potential. In a scarce job market it is a real miracle to find a position opening up which has all the makings of a career and I just cannot get my head around why someone would turn that opportunity down especially when they have no firm prospects to speak of.

Up until that point I think I had every right to be angry and to express that anger but unfortunately I did what I do, I took it too far. I was so frustrated, annoyed and embarrassed that I involved my parents and went so far as to say that I am done helping any of them (the kids). With hindsight perhaps this was unfair, they are after all adults now, fully capable of making their own decisions but I just don't see any evidence that they are and it really scares me because life is passing them by and they'll be 30 before they realise it has happened.

It is possible that they may read this, and they may get angry in return (if they aren't already, I think my parents were planning on 'talking' to them this evening) and I don't want there to be anger between us but I also don't want them to think that it is ok to continue as they are. Is it wrong to want to be proud of them? To be able to look at them and think that they have fought and cried and deserved everything that they have? The sad truth is that right now I am not proud of them and that really breaks my heart.

I am sure that there are those who will think that I am being to harsh and they may be right but the point is not that I want them to be rich or successful but rather that they are exposing themselves to risk, to life, to lessons rather than cruising along the path of least resistance.

VP

OMG You Rock 2009!!!!

2009-05-10T10:31:00.006+01:00

It has been a difficult week what with the house full of illness, grumpiness and general rubbishness BUT knowing full well that today would come has made it all the more manageable. Given that it isn't Mothers Day in the UK (ours was about a month ago) it is ALL about the rocking ;-)

My package arrived on Friday form the lovely and wonderful Ali of CysterAct fame. It has taken ALL of my willpower (what little exists) to wait until today to open it up. I LOVE my present and I am amazed that Ali was able to discern that it would be so appropriate?

At the top of the picture you can see my sorry excuse for recipe books. Basically an accumulation of recipes all they way from back at school through to now. Even more sad is the fact that I very rarely refer to them. At the bottom of the picture is my lovely present from Ali, it is a recipe organiser split into different areas (Starters, mains, desserts, baking etc)...

Above you can see that all the recipes I have are typed out so I may have to cut them out and glue them into the new book. Not as pretty as copying them out by hand but far more likely to be done and completed!

Above you can see the inside cover, what you can't see (very lazy me because I used my phone to take the pics instead of my proper camera) is the lovely inscription..... Above the book is the most fantastic card which given its unique nature must be yet another illustration of Ali's resourceful and creative nature and I will cherise the kind words contained within!

Now onto the aim of the day... The lovely Liv created the idea because she (and I agree) felt that we all needed to take a moment to recognise our own greatness as well as those of our fellow bloggers most especially though it is too honour all those wonderful men and woman who have experienced the most intense of heartache in their quest to expand their families. What a wonderful and remarkeable idea it was too because here we all are in our different little corners of the world with a little something to remind us that not only are we great individually but collectively we are a force to be reckond with.

I wish that the heartache could be iradicated and everyone could experience the trials of parenthood but I hope that just for one day at least you can all let the little glimmer of hope flare.

VP

An unexpected end...

2009-05-05T20:49:00.002+01:00

I know that I promised some further egg donation updates and I have several 'typed' up in my head ready to go but now, I'm not sure they will ever come to light because there has been a new and unexpected turn of events which has really changed everything.

I have alluded to the fact that the hospital that I have been 'allocated' to hasn't been very efficient in their approach to altruistic donation and had sent a long letter outlining all the issues to the head consultant, hoping to help them improve the process. I sent the letter several weeks ago and have been waiting for a response (and a date for my cycle to start). On Friday I received a call from the consultant's P.A. asking me to meet with her today which I agreed too thinking it would be predominantly about the administrative issues.

One of the issues that I have had with the hospital is the lack of communication. After every set of blood tests I dutifully waited for the letter/phonecall which I had been promised would follow and on all occasions I had to chase them myself. The last test that was done was the AMH and I have tried on several occasions to get an update on the results. A few weeks ago I finally managed to get them to give me a summation of the results and was told that my fertility was average. Not high, not low, just average and that the 'age' of my equipment appeared consistent with my real age (in fact the words slightly younger were uttered and not by me). Not being an expert in the lingo in this area I believed them, I mean who wouldn't?

Anyway so today I dutifully turned up for this meeting with the consultant. I was on time and prepared (she was late, although she said the admin office hadn't informed her that I had arrived) for a discussion pertaining to process. What actually happened took me completely by surprise because she pulled out the results of my AMH test and showed me that in fact I am in the 'low fertility' category and not viable as a donor. She went on to suggest that if the RO and I wanted any more children that we should try immediately and expect that we would need help!

Thankfully the RO and I are content with what we have but I am gutted that after 8 months of preparation I have gone from potential donor to potential recipient. I am not upset for me so much as for the women I had hoped to help and I can't help but feel cheated by the system for leading me to believe that things were different to what they are.

VP

IMHE*

2009-05-01T11:16:00.004+01:00

Thank you to everyone who commented on my Monday post, I am surprised by how many of you have been worried about coping after the birth of your babies. To be honest, I can't even remember that time, I was far too preoccupied with getting them out in a healthy state! Since you all took the time to comment I thought I would return the favour so here goes;

C Lo said, 'The biggest skill I've picked up as a parent is letting go of the small stuff and truly recognizing what the small stuff is. :)'

I really admire this skill and am working on acquiring it for myself. Generally in life I can do this but I struggle when it comes to the kids. I really hate when I get all worked up over something trivial and let it affect my mood. An excellent skill C Lo, you're right to be proud of it!

*****************

Cassandra said, 'I can't believe you iron the boys' clothes!

I used to have things somewhat under control but since being pregnant, lazy has taken on new meaning! You'll have to wait for the report on my skills until the babies arrive.'

I do iron the boys clothes, along with ours. It was soo difficult at first but once I got into the habit I realised that *I* love the feel of ironed clothing when I put them on and so I expect that my RO & the boys will to. Even if they don't care, I do like that they're all neat when I take them out in public ;-).

As for being lazy when you're pregnant, it is not only expected, it is mandatory! All bets are off during pregnancy so don't be too hard on yourself.

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Parenthood for Me said, 'It's amazing the things you can cram into a day when your time is precious. I also used to hate yard work but am now really looking forward to creating our gardens and planting veggies and fruit gardens to tend to with my son.'

It's true! And I don't think that this tendency to add things to the 'To Do' list ever diminishes. Instead I think that as the kids get older and some of the daily slog starts to taper off, we as parents fill that downtime with other things - probably the reason why most retired people have immaculate homes and gardens! :-)

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Mrs. Gamgee said, 'There are days when I wonder if I will be able to handle being a parent for that very reason, but I know that when it happens those impulses just sort of kick in. I'm looking forward to the day that I can look back and laugh at my laziness :)'

Not only will you laugh, you will be incredulous about it! The RO and I have come to believe that boredom and laziness are both luxuries of pre-parenthood. We never have time to be bored these days, too much to do ;-).

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Fat Chick said, 'I'm really banking on #1, because I'm always late for work....'

HaHaHa, I'm not making any promises, I suspect that having a very hands-on and willing husband plays a big part of it ;-).

*****************

Jill said, 'not a parent yet, but that first paragraph is TOTALLY me and my Hubs :) Thank you for giving me hope that I will be able to get all of that stuff done if/when we have kids :)'

Enjoy it! In fact I say that you should embrace your inner lazy, procrastinating self and give it FULL reign ;-).

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Serendipity said, 'I agree 100% with Mrs Gamgee, I worry a lot about how we're going to handle things once I had to go back to work, good to see that it seems to come naturally!'

Well, the hard work comes first and the naturally part follows. The good news is that you won't realise that it is hardwork at the time because you'll be too sleep deprived to spare any thoughts for the tasks you're completing.

Seriously though, the main thing to realise is that you will never accomplish everything on your own so be aware of your limitations, ask for help all the time and be PROUD of all the things you do, even if at first you don't do them perfectly!

VP

*IMHE = In My Humble Experience

Teaching an old dog new tricks...

2009-04-27T20:35:00.005+01:00

It isn't easy to admit being lazy but I can honestly say that I have laaazy genes. The RO and I were discussing our pre-baby selves the other day and we are astounded at the degree of laziness that we were capable of. Somehow we never seemed to have enough time to do anything of substance and yet we were childless for goodness sake!

It got me to thinking about the many hidden skills which we acquire as parents which we take for granted because we're really so busy that stopping and thinking about what we're accomplishing just isn't on the to-do list. I think that we undervalue ourselves and each other and I especially think that the childless haven't yet discovered the true depth of their own abilities. In an attempt to enlighten myself I would like to ask all of you what skills you think you have acquired since having kids/growing older. The ones which I have definitely honed are:

1) Being able to make all the beds, pick up all the washing and tidy every morning and still get to work on time. Before kids just getting to work was a chore in itself.
2) Being able to wash, iron, fold and pack away all the washing for 2 adults and 2 children. Before the boys came along Chris and I seldom washed clothing (when we did we almost always forgot that it was in the washing machine and many a load was ruined that way) and never ironed. There was even a terribly wasteful period when we worked on practically disposable clothing!
3) Cleaning the kitchen everyday. I have become particularly fussy about having a clean kitchen and am instantly in a bad mood the morning after and occasional slip when it hasn't been done the night before.
4) Gardening. I have always felt that gardening was a real chore. Since having the boys I find the time in the summer to mow the lawn once a week and love the half hour to myself.
5) De-cluttering!! Being a magpie by nature, this has been the hardest lesson I have had to teach myself and I am still not completely there yet but I am working on it.
6) Re-using/Recycling - I am a champ in both these areas, especially the re-using part.

You know the best thing about it is that for the first time I am proud of my accomplishments even though they're not what I expected to be proud of. I enjoy working on my home and garden and I love coming up with new tasks. It drives my hubby mad but it keeps me out of mischief ;-)

Go on, share your skills (and don't forget to link back or leave a comment when you do).

VP

Give and Take

2009-04-23T19:22:00.004+01:00

Isn't it strange how the universe* seems to intervene just when you think that you're in for a bit of a settled time? Recently we found out that at the end of next month (May) we will find ourselves in the rare position of having a bit of spare cash. This is such a rare occasion in fact that we immediately began to speculate about the many possibilities which would suddenly be a viable prospect for the summer. In true murphy's fashion however, the universe* had other plans.

We had arranged previously for our caravan to be serviced by a friend who specialises in this area (it is a very specific role don't you think?) and he came around on Tuesday to do the service while the RO and I were at work. I guess I should have realised that things weren't altogether fine because I didn't hear from him all day but I figured he may have moved onto another job. I sent him a text(sms) asking how the caravan was to which he replied 'unloved'. It appears that our well loved (and also well used) caravan is really on its last legs as damp has set in, the wheel bearings are shot and a multitude of other little problems came to light.

As things stand we are waiting for a full and proper quote on how much it would cost to repair said caravan but I'm thinking that we may need to consider an alternative solution (thinking maybe folding camper?) so all the other things we were planning are now on hold while we try and figure out what to do. It is an issue because we have booked to go camping with the grandparents at the beginning of August, which is our main holiday for the year and we really don't want to miss it. Things like this really stress the RO out because there are so many potential pitfalls (especially as whatever we do we would NOT be able to buy something new) so hopefully we find a decent solution really soon.

In other news, a dear friend lost his mum last night and neither the RO nor I know what to say. It was an unexpected death brought on by a perforated appendix and so there is the added shock to deal with as well. The RO and I have been painfully aware of how limiting the electronic communication can be.

I hope that things are well with all of you, we're going to enjoy a couple of days of peace because the boys are with gran and grandad until tomorrow afternoon.

Take care of you and yours!

VP

* I say universe, not because I am particularly new-age or anything but because it nicely encompasses whatever weird karma/fate/law governs this type of thing.

IComWeLeave Week commencing.... NOW!

2009-04-21T11:34:00.002+01:00

Welcome all you lovely ICWL'ers....

I am feeling a bit lazy right at this moment so if you are totally new go to my previous intro post which can be found here.

On the off chance that you are on a return visit, latest updates are below and there will be more to come as soon as I can find my inspiration which is currently winning at hide & seek ;-)

VP

Regular updates commencing ;-) (although outdoor competition is fierce!

2009-04-20T13:03:00.003+01:00

For those who pay notice, you'll realise that I should be on my way to London so that I can leave for the Bahamas in the morning. The trip however has been postponed until late summer so I unexpectedly have some 'unallocated' time. Yay me :-)..

This week-end, the weather was lovely so we took the boys to an RSPB venue which is about 40minutes away from us. I was really impressed by the organisation, we were met by a volunteer as we arrived (I think that they always approach families with children) and she explained the route and discussed membership options. As it was we decided to just pay the normal entrance fee as we wanted to get an idea of what the place was like before committing to an annual membership and I was really impressed that they didn't try and push the membership. The boys each got given a pack of stickers and a laminated card to hang around their necks so that they could play 'Birdy Bingo'. Each card had 10 blocks with pictures and instructions about what they were to look for. At nearly 3 years old I didn't think they would get it but they loved the idea and really engaged with the concept. Unfortunately poor planning meant that we didn't have time to do the whole 2 mile walk so we went about halfway before we needed to leave but we'll definitely we going back.

The boys are really growing up fast now, everyday they're creating more complex ideas and communicating them with such ease. I like to eavesdrop on their conversations when they're playing and I am always rewarded by little gems. Nath loves to impersonate me and has mastered the nagging mother intonation and he orders Tom around in that tone all the time. Tom still has the edge in terms of size and strength but they're pretty evenly matched which means we rarely have to intervene when they fight (although sometimes we'll do so for our own sanity!).

We did start potty training this week-end (Thanks Pen!) and it went fairly well but I think that we'll need to commit properly this coming week-end and make sure that we don't have anywhere that we need to be (we had a Christening and the RSPB yesterday which seriously interfered with potty plans). I think that they get the idea but they're pretty uninterested, but I guess this is an improvements on the earlier attempt because at least they no longer fear the potty.

I am going to finish off this rather bland post now with a promise that I will come up with something a bit more entertaining for tomorrow!

Love
VP

I haven't disappeared...

2009-04-14T13:41:00.003+01:00

But I AM very busy :-)

In exactly one week I leave for the Bahamas where I will spend some time providing training and consultancy (along with a colleague) to a new client. It sounds lovely doesn't it - unfortunately it is very unlikely that I will get much time to do anything but work and when I do have some down time, most of it will be taken up by the heartache of not being able to share it with all the men in my life.

I have managed to arrange it so that I am there over a week-end and am going to try and go diving (I haven't been for years and was really annoyed that I didn't get the chance when I was there in January) and do some decent sight seeing. Last time I spent all my time on Nassau but I would like to see something of the other islands so please let me know if you have any recommendations?

Other stuff will follow (an update on potty training, bunnygate and the glorious nature of outdoor cooking) but for now, work beckons and there is a LOT of it!

VP

Noteworthy events (like erm, Easter)

2009-04-09T20:18:00.004+01:00

Wow, I can't believe that this year is flying past so quickly, I mean Easter Week-end?? Seriously? What happened to March?

We're off to visit the in-laws this week-end which is always an exciting event, not only for the boys who obviously love visiting their grandparents (and Holly the dog, oh and Lucy the cat too) but we quite enjoy the break as well. I am lucky really because I get on really well with both my in-laws and so it is an easy time for all involved.

Thankfully visiting the in-laws over what is ostensibly a religious holiday doesn't come with any expectation that we'll partake in any religious festivities (as it would if we were back home in SA) so we can all just relax, eat chocolate and hope for some sun.

In other news, my younger sister has ended her engagement after dating the boy for about 7 years. It is a long story story involving rival families, 2 continents and much adolescent angst but it appears to be what is best for both of them and both the RO and I hope that they'll both come through this stronger, wiser and maybe even friends. On the upside it does simplify both of their lives and I see that as a good thing because unless you're really sure, your twenties should really be about self exploration if you want to live contentedly later in life (woh! that is like sooo deep man).

Also in the news is that we have finally! managed to scrape together the time (someone elses), money (ours) and inclination (we're good at procrastination) to get our deck terrace added to the end of the house. This is an especially good thing because it means that for the first time in 4 years we can open our french doors without risking death from the 6 foot drop which was the distance between door and ground. A costly but necessary addition but again, enjoying it is dependant on it not raining. Unfortunately it is raining right now and looks like it will continue to do so all week-end *sigh*. I wouldn't care but it has been glorious sunshine for the last 4 days - I guess Murphy has had a hand in again.

Oh yes, if you're wondering what has become of my egg donation posts, I am trying to get some things straightened out with the clinic. Nothing major but it appears that there has been some kind of administrative oversight, like they're NOT TELLING ME ANYTHING! Anyway, as soon as I have news, you will have news but in the meantime....

Happy Easter y'all!
VP

Wordless Wednesday (sub-title CUTE!)

2009-04-08T18:36:00.003+01:00

Come on t'internets, I need your help! (WARNING: Toilet talk follows)

2009-04-06T19:28:00.003+01:00

So here's the thing.... those of you with some idea of the past couple of years will know that the boys have had a bit of a poop problem, or more accurately, a lack of poop problem, accompanied by much screaming and tearfulness. Well about 6 weeks ago we decided to try potty training (read: the childminder decided and we followed instructions ;-)) but the problem was that both boys starting holding everything in which made the pooping issue worse so we decided to give it a break for a while.

With spring more or less here, we're hoping to start it up again but we really need some advice/anecdotal evidence of what worked or didn't work for you. How on earth do you go from nappies all the time to nappies some of the time? Our childminder is amazing and we know that she has successfully potty trained several of the older children and steered their parents through the murky waters but I really want to get some opinions so that we can compare notes.

My biggest worry is that they will start holding it in again. Tommy went an entire day without weeing and Nate started holding his poop in so it would 'back-up'. We seem to have that all under control now (Movicol daily sachets rock!) and they're regular as clockwork and I don't want to return to the pain of previous weeks.

This leads me to another problem I have, how on earth do you get from nappy stage to toilet stage and still retain your sanity (and your sweet smelling home, clean(ish) carpets and poop free floors)? And OMG will I have to hand wash pants or can they be done in the washing machine? Oooh the head hurts....

As you can see I really need your help, your superior knowledge, your unfailing advice so please drop me a mail, leave me a comment or link to a post because I know that YOU know the right thing to do ;-)

Love
VP

Spring at last?

2009-04-02T19:52:00.002+01:00

It never ceases to amaze me how different my adopted country is when the sun starts to shine. A week ago we will still layering up in the morning, bracing for the wind when we left and just generally hoping that the good weather would hurry up. Then the clocks changed and suddenly the birds are singing, the sun is shining and people are starting to emerge from their little rabbit holes and greeting each other with delight. Clearly the Vitamin S is having a profound effect on our moods (thank god for that!).

Unfortunately I haven't been able to enjoy it as much as I would like to because this week has me off work due to illness for the first time in aaages. It seems I have picked up some kind of ear/gland infection and it is so unpleasant that even the sun hasn't managed to entice me out into the garden. It is such a pity and makes me all the more aware of how wasted sick leave is on the the sick! :-)

Now I realise that this is turning into a truly boring post and you'll have to forgive me for that (blame it on the painkillers), I promise to return to deep contemplation and navel gazing as soon as the ear heals, in the meantime rest assured that you are entertaining me and that I appreciate it deeply albeit it quietly from the corner.

VP

Rounding up March

2009-03-29T19:48:00.004+01:00

Ola happy people, happy clock changing day :-). For those of us in the UK this that this morning we had 1 less hour to sleep in this morning, but a little more light to enjoy at the end of the day. If, like us, you have small children, this can be a bit tricky (one of the boys has been lying moaning in his bed for about 30 minutes because he doesn't want to sleep). Anyway, roll on spring and summer, let's hope that this year it is a decent one!

March has been a fairly satisfying month all round. I revived my blog, raised some money for charity, moved a couple of steps closer to finishing the egg donation cycle, attending a conference on behalf of a charity, discovered loads of new and exciting bloggers through ICLW and rekindled a friendship after nearly 2 decades!

A few of you may remember that I posted a few years ago about making a new friend (if you're that interested you can go here) because I have found it quite difficult to make close friends with people in the UK so when I do feel a connection with someone I feel quietly hopeful. So a few weeks ago when, through the joy of Facebook, I got in touch with an old school friend it was wonderful to find out that she lives in London with her family. I knew that I was attended the Vitality Show this week-end and she very kindly offered to put me up for the night so that we could catch up.

I won't go into the details of her life (I don't want her thinking I will reveal all to the lovely blogosphere) but what I will say is that she has become everything that I expected her to be, poised, beautiful, funny and an incredible mother. We had such a great evening and I could not have felt more comfortable if I was in my own home surrounded by my own stuff. Much wine and champagne was consumed so forgive me the rambling post, recovery isn't as swift as it was in my earlier years.

The conference was very tiring but I think that we raised the profile of the Give Hope, Give Life campaign and we had around 30 woman give us contact details as they would like to know more about whether it is something that they could do. If you want to read a bit more about it please do, the website is here) but also my next personal post about the process will follow shortly.

All being said, March has been a great one and if today's weather is an indicator (it probably isn't but a gal can hope) them April will be smashing too.

VP

p.s. thank you to ALL the lovely ICLW commenters, I hope that I have returned the favour for all of you, if I haven't got to you yet I will! For the record, Incy Wincy was real and I took that photo when we were on holiday in the US. Although freaky looking and quite big, they're actually harmless.

Wordless Wednesday - I found Incy Wincy!

2009-03-25T09:50:00.002Z

So you think you want to be an Egg Donor (part 2)

2009-03-24T08:38:00.004Z

Part 2 begins with a referral letter and appointment at a local hospital which specialises in infertility. I am lucky in that I live fairly close to one of the leading institutes for reproductive medicine but most major cities and large towns should be able to cater to all the requirements. Before reaching this stage though, you will be required to attend at least 1 session with a counsellor and in some instances a psychologist this is for your own good so please make the most of it. Below I will describe my session as best I can recall it so that you know what to expect.

I arrived at my hospital and was met by a lovely and warm lady and I was made to feel very welcome. The aim of the session was for both parties to cover any questions/issues and to discuss the general aspects of being an egg donor. Many of the questions centred around the logistics of the process and as these may differ from place to place, I am not going to describe them in detail but suffice to say that it is almost exactly the same as the first half of IVF. The remaining questions were far more personal and I hope that by sharing my views and answers I may be able to allay some of the fears which some of you may have.

(Please note that these are not the exact questions and aren't in any particular order :-))

Question 1:
What does Egg Donation mean to you and what has drawn you to it?
For me, it is an opportunity to do something tangible that I can be proud of and which may help someone else achieve parenthood. I have always wanted to do something and have always felt that I should do something for those less fortunate for me. Unfortunately, when I had the chance to I spent my time being frivolous which was fun but left me with a lingering feeling that I had somehow failed to fulfil an ambition. This feeling, coupled with the overwhelming sadness I felt towards woman who had been less fortunate than I was and who couldn't fall pregnant easily and without help led me to investigate what, if anything, I could do. I was initially going to fly back to South Africa as I knew people and places which specialised in this process back home but when I discovered that the UK was desperate for donors I decided to get involved here instead.

Question 2:
How do you feel about the idea that your eggs may result in a child?
The honest answer is that I can't imagine a feeling about this because pregnancy was such a horrible experience for me that I do not associate my eggs or pregnancy with being maternal. I wish I had the glowing stories that so many woman do about how they bonded with their babies in the womb and so were instantly in love with the newborns because that is the fairy tale. The reality for me was so different and it took me a while to realise that the 2 infants in NICU were more than just my responsibility. As an extension of this, I feel no connection to my eggs and I don't mourn when they pass, unused from my body every month. Much like donating blood, I would prefer to give what I don't need away in the hope that someone else finds a better use for it.

Question 3: (the BIGGIE)
How do you feel about the removal of anonymity from the process?
Obviously the change in the act means that I need to consider the possibility that in 16 years time one or more children may knock on my door wanting to know more about their genetic identity. Although potentially an issue for others, my husband and I have come to the conclusion that this possibility is not in itself that scary a prospect as long as we ensure that we are always honest with our children and our family about it. We feel that the very worst thing that could happen would be to keep it from everyone, only to have them faced with a genetic sibling somewhere down the line. Instead we will include this in the discussion (in a basic sort of way) when our children start asking about where babies come from. Both the RO and I are adamant that our children need to understand from an early age that babies are made in a number of ways and that all of them are equally important.

The above question is the one which I have been asked the most whenever I have discussed this outside of my family. I am often surprised by the number of misconceptions that seemingly educated people have about the changes in the act and how often their emotions cloud their judgement. The biggest misconception is that children born from my eggs would have a financial claim to my estate and this is completely untrue. If you're struggling with the lack of anonymity, try and think about how similar changes have positively affected children who were adopted because ultimately it is their right to know their genetic connections if that will help them to form a complete identity.

The counsellor and I spent well over 2 hours talking through these areas and she was really amazing at illustrating all the small things which I hadn't even considered. For me there never was any doubt that I would do it but there were some things which she touched on which helped me to formulate how I felt about the process and the impact it could have on the people who I love.

Before I left, she gave me a large pack of documentation to take away with me so that I could refer back if there was anything which I later became unsure of. I was also given the forms to complete to enter into the program. Right at the back of the form was a special section which was by far, the hardest part to complete and also one of the most important but I'll get into that in part 3 of this riveting saga ;-)

VP

Jade Cerisa Lorraine Goody (1981-2009)

2009-03-22T08:59:00.002Z

There are many amongst you who will not know who I am referring to and for others the name will invoke reactions more extreme than should be possible about a person that you have never known personally.

At just after 3am this morning Jade succumbed to the cervical cancer having only been diagnosed last year. At 27 years old Jade had lived a very colourful and public life for which she received a great deal of criticism, most visible from the snobbish middle class who despised her loud mouthed garish ways. For me it is the last months of her life which have illustrated the true nature of this remarkeable woman as she chose to use the terrible disease and her fame to ensure that her boys have the best possible opportunities in their future. Her reality show which followed her as she fought to overcome the cancer has raised the profile of this socially under acknowledged killer will save thousands of young woman from a similar fate and for this alone she should be admired.

I cannot begin to imagine how difficult this time has been and will be for her family but I hope that they know that she is a modern heroine of the most admirable kind.

Happy Mothers Day Jade.

VP

Welcome ICLW commentors, please make yourself at home...

2009-03-20T08:34:00.006Z

I am ICLW No. 104 - Double Delight

I am so proud of myself, I did it, I managed to get myself included despite having some weird mental block when it comes to anything related to this blog (I am usually quite tech savvy honest, I dunno why I struggle here???)

Anyway, enough punctuation abuse, let me introduce myself for those of you kind enough to stop by for the first time.

I am the Villagepig (VP) and just so that you don't think I am being harsh on myself, it is the English translation of our house name. I live in a little village in North Wales, England with my husband (the RO or Respective Other) and twin boys who turn 3 this year.

I am South African born and bred but moved to the UK nearly 6 years ago for a change. Little did I know at the time that the change would arrive in the form of bearded geek from the North East of England. We met 3 months after I arrived and were living together 10 months later. We married after 18 months and the twins arrived (early) 7 months later. I have gone through the details leading up the birth of my boys in an earlier blog which you can find here if you have the time and inclination.

Pregnancy was an awful experience for me which wasn't helped by a particularly complicated twin pregnancy. Full details are in the other blog but the short of it is that anything that could go wrong did and we developed twin to twin transfer syndrome. Tom & Nate were born by c-section on 06 June 2006 (that's 06-06-06 for the observant among you) and we were proud to have reached 31 weeks gestation. They spent 3 weeks in NICU and we were really lucky that we had no complications other than jaundice. I wish someone had told me how physically easy that part was because what followed seriously kicked my 'normally pretty in control' ass!

9 months of weight issues complicated by terrible reflux and shocking sleep deprivation resulted in a diagnosis of post natal depression. Happily the right medication sorted that all out and I am now happily pill free (well except for the ones I take for all those other ailments).

Good crap, this is proving to be a loooong post, I hope that you're following, especially those of you in the back because we're nearly done ;-)...

I disappeared from here for a while last year while I gathered up the reins of my new identity as a full-time mother/wife/employee and have returned because I missed my outlet and because I feel that the time is right because I have at least 7 free minutes a day to spare so why shouldn't I fill them with something? :-)

I have a new passion, one bourne out of the courage and drive that so many of my blogging friends have shown as they struggled with infertility. Before joining the blogging community, my experience of infertility was fairly pedestrian in that I knew people who had experienced it but the realities were hidden behing the social graces. The first story that I read which brought home the true scale of the impact infertility has on lives was from another South African blogger, Tertia and her story literally made me cry for days. There are so many more which have touched me over the years, not the least of which being Trish who has also been my BFOL (best friend on-line) that I realised that it was within my power to do something proactive to support the cause. This step is egg donation and I am about halfway through my first cycle and I have decided to make it my mission to get people talking about what they can do too. I have written about it here and more posts will follow.

I hope that I haven't alienated any of you by now, please come back, I don't usually go on for so long and I will make up for it by being suitably cheeky by back reading all your archives (which I do even if it means I give up precious sleep hours). I shall leave you with a photograph of my lovely boys and please tell me a little about yourself when you leave a comment ;-)

Love
VP

Good old sickness...

2009-03-18T11:34:00.002Z

I am all set to write the next step in the path to donation but reality is being a little bit, well.... real :-)

On Friday we had a very successful day of fundraising, accumulating a total of £211 which is pretty good considering that I work with a bunch of cynics :-). Unfortunately, somewhere during the course of the day, I strained a muscle or pinched a nerve in my back. The doc thinks that it may be sciatica but will only know for certain if it doesn't improve so that in itself has made me grumpy.

On Monday, I fetched the boys from their CM and dear old Tommy had an explosive episode seconds after announcing that his tummy was sore. Later in the evening he threw up again but then it seemed to settle down. My RO then started throwing up in the middle of the night and has been down with gastro ever since.

I am now hoping that Nate and I manage to avoid it because I am sick of the sickness ;-)

So stick it out, new post is pending and will be up very soon. In the meantime, Trish you're a hunny and Caro, you're a star - just by being on the other end you're giving me a reason to commit!

VP

Red Nose Day 2009

2009-03-12T19:13:00.003Z

Tomorrow is Comic Relief in the UK which is basically a national fundraising day and I take it very seriously. Every year I take it upon myself to beg, cajole, entice and generally annoy all my colleagues at work in an attempt to raise as much as I can.

This year is no different and since 1pm this afternoon (6 hours ago) I have:
* Baked a Victoria Sponge cake
* Baked a HUGE carrot cake with marscapone icing
* Baked 12 butterfly cakes
* Cooked 2 large pots of Chilli
* Made up several bags of sweets
* Made several bags of popcorn (some sweet and some salty)

Tomorrow I am selling all of this to the people at work for crazy prices so that I can feel good about doing something charitable. My hubby says it is all about the Catholic guilt (which seems to linger despite ditching the religion itself).

Also, my lovely hubby has drummed up sponsorship and so this evening he is shaving off his beard, in weird stages and we're photographing each stage. I will post the pictures if they're funny. Hopefully the boys don't freak out too much tomorrow when they come back from the grandparents but I guess we'll only know that tomorrow :-).

VP

So you think that you might want to be an Egg Donor?

2009-03-11T14:07:00.002Z

I guess that for most people this thought doesn't even enter their minds, I mean it isn't exactly dinner party conversation and it isn't something that crosses our paths all that often.

We all know about surrogacy and adoption as both get a fair amount of publicity and most of us know at least 1 person who has been through IVF in their journey to motherhood. For some woman, the problem starts earlier than that and for them IVF is a pipe dream because without the egg, the sperm is redundant and no amount of stimulation will provide the building blocks to create the baby which they dream of. This is where egg donation comes in and so I am going to try and describe the process, give some information and encourage as many people as I can to consider whether this is something that they can imagine themselves doing.

I guess the first step would be to ask why you even consider doing this and the answer to this question will be completely unique and personal. I want to do this because I have come to realise that giving makes me happy. Sure there are many other things which make me just as (and sometimes more) happy but giving is the one little thing that I can do which makes me feel that I am helping to make the world outside my own a little bit better for someone. It started small through donations, charities and recycling kids stuff to those less fortunate and now I am ready to move onto something more personal. The truth is, I hated being pregnant, it was long and difficult and not something that I want to do again. Thankfully I had my boys and so our family is complete so I'm thinking that if someone else can make use of the remaining eggs then that's what I want to do with them.

Step two should be about educating yourself and there are loads of places to look including:
United Kingdom: National Gamete Donation Trust
United States: Having Babies
Australia: MIVF
South Africa: Nurture

The American and Australian ones I have taken from a Google search so I would suggest that you research the options there carefully but no doubt these sites would be a good starting point. Nurture in South Africa is run by the lovely Tertia who will take very good care of you and the National Gamete Donation trust in the UK is run by the lovely Pippa who is fabulous in every possible way given that she almost single handedly runs such a fantastic operation.

In the first instance you should read, read and then read some more. Get a feel for the experiences and try and come to grips with the process. Although many people deal with this differently, I have found that being well read on a subject means that speaking to my GP is a much for fulfilling process.

Which leads me to step three which is speak to your family doctor. Admittedly I am lucky in that I have a wonderful doctor who takes the time to talk things through with me and when I brought this up with her she was compeltely supportive. In the UK you will need to get a referral letter from your GP and they will know who to send it to. It was around this time that I broached the subject with my husband because I wanted to understand all the ramifications upfront. Luckily my RO is fantastic and he supports me completely.

It is a lot to take on, and it will probably take you a fair amount of time to get through steps 1 - 3, but I really hope that you'll consider it and take the time to research the process because even if you decide it isn't for you, if the topic comes up you can be a great ambassador which is just as important really.

VP

p.s. If you're in the UK, I will be working on a stand at the The Vitality Show on Saturday the 28th March at Earls Court in London. Tickets are £14.50 and there will be loads of things going on so if you decide to visit (it is on from the 26th-29th) please come and say hello!!

OK so the story goes....

2009-03-06T13:20:00.002Z

Just after the boys were born I had a moment wherein I felt an immense amount of grief for all the wonderful, fantastic and awesome woman whose stories I followed but who had yet to fullfil the dream of motherhood. In the months that followed their birth when I struggled with the reality that I wasn't the mother I had always expected I would be (cool, calm, competant) but rather frazzled and surviving from one moment to the next I sometimes felt that maybe those were the lucky ones but as the PND passed and the boys grew, I realised that it really is the thing which makes us complete even if it isn't in the way that we expected.

All this thinking (a rarity for me I can assure you) coupled with the information that it was possible for me to try and do something about it led to a conversation with my hubby about the possibility of egg donation. As always he was (and is) tremendously supportive and with his blessing I began to investigate the options. Initially I was going to return to my home nation of South Africa where a blogging friend was in the midst of setting up an egg donation charity but it was then brought to my attention that the UK is has a serious shortage of egg donors and that the average woman can wait up to 10 years so it seemed that there was just as pressing a need close to home.

In November last year I started the process and attended an appointment with a psychologist to discuss the many aspects which can affect a person. Thankfully, through reading all the amazing stories that all of you write daily I had already thought about many of the supposed pitfalls and potential issues and so this session was actually more of a chat ;-).

In December I met with the embrologist at St Mary's Hospital in Manchester and had several blood tests done to ensure that I was free of HIV, Hepatitis and other incurable diseases (I was). Last week I had my follow up meeting and so the leg work is almost done. All going according to plan, I will start the medical side toward the end of March and by the end of April it will all be done.

I have resurrected my blog because I want to document the steps (I will dedicate a post to each stage, including the early ones) in the hope that more woman will be encouraged to follow suit.

I hope that you will find it interesting and informative and that you will encourage your sisters and friends to at least consider the possibility because I can't imagine what my life would be like without the boys and I really want every woman to have the choice, even if it means sharing a little part of myself.

I know that this is a brief post and that it doesn't begin to address the true depth of all the elements to thhis proces but rest assured that I will get there and I hope that you'll join me in creating wider discussion.

All the best :-)

VP

The Resurrection

2009-03-04T11:07:00.002Z

It has been a while and I make no promises that I will be better at maintaining the commitment required but here I am, with the very best of intentions.

The year has been eventfull, the boys are older (I am older), the world has changed and the winter has been COLD but I am still standing and intend to keep it that way.

I guess the main reason for resurrecting the blog is that I have something coming up which I would like to keep a record of and since I have written about my issues here before I figured it was as good a place as any to record the new happenings.

In the meantime, I hope that you're all well (actually I have still been following all of you so I am up to date) and pop back later for the details.

Love
VP

Photo Madness

2008-04-11T12:00:00.002+01:00

Years ago when the hubby and I went on a safari for our honeymoon we managed to take some lovely pictures with our (then) new camera, the Fuji FinePix S5000. This one picture has been singled out by a Brand Awareness company to be used in an Ad Campaign. Naturally we're really excited and it just goes to show that online content can be useful if you allow the general public access.

Have you ever found luck online?

A

A meme is a meme is a meme, or is it?

2008-04-04T19:37:00.003+01:00

I believe that I can only truly call myself a blogger once I receive a critical comment (as opposed to any comment at all). So I have the lovely[1] Locke to thank for leading me to the edge and here I go jumping in with both feet, if you'll excuse the mixed metaphors.

So without further ado, please refer the criticism below:

'I feel the need to disseminate this horrible abuse of the word meme, and what I posted at Hallqs page sufficiently gets across my point, so I'll paste:
Sorry, but you are entirely misdirected about what a 'meme' is. A survey or chain letter or pass-me-on or whatever this is has no relation to the word. In order to not look silly or foolish, you should research terms before using them. You can't make something a meme just by declaring it so, and if this was one, it would be instantly recognized and occur regularly in the social consciousness in various forms. All your base are belong to us and LOLcats are memes, 'list 7 weird things about yourself' is a survey at best, and a piece of unsolicited spam chainmail at worst. Also, a meme can't be 'invented,' a meme just happens. In addition, as this is about the 20th blog I've posted this comment to, it really makes me sad to know that people are such blindly-following, unthinking automatons that they readily repeat things as fact without so much as an inkling of skepticism. '

I would imagine that the fact that this particular 'meme' has traversed the blogosphere thus resulting in the need to comment on more than 20 blogs kind of confirms that it is actually conforming to the requirement of a meme and disproving the belief that a meme cannot be invented.

Also, I'll forgive the darling girl for being a pedant, god knows the world only turns through the sheer will of a few but I'm a little surprised that someone who clearly has their finger firmly pressed on the pulse of technology (I mean her blog name is 'Lockedotnet' and it is both interesting AND informative) hasn't yet heard of the Urban Dictionary[2].

I'm not sure how I came to be aware of such a modern concept, but I suspect that there are one or two of you who haven't yet experienced the joy that is urbandictionary.com I feel it only fair that I provide their definition of a meme:

'1. meme
837 up, 67 down
(noun)

1 : an idea, belief or belief system, or pattern of behavior that spreads throughout a culture either vertically by cultural inheritance (as by parents to children) or horizontally by cultural acquisition (as by peers, information media, and entertainment media)

2 : a pervasive thought or thought pattern that replicates itself via cultural means; a parasitic code, a virus of the mind especially contagious to children and the impressionable

3 : the fundamental unit of information, analogous to the gene in emerging evolutionary theory of culture
- meme pool (n.) : all memes of a culture or individual
- memetic (adj.) : relating to memes
- memetics (n.) : the study of memes

4 : in blogspeak, an idea that is spread from blog to blog

5 : an internet information generator, especially of random or contentless information

(Etymology : meme : derived from the Greek mimëma, 'something imitated', by Richard Dawkins in 1976)'

Additionally I feel it only fair to say that English (and indeed any language) is all about evolution and a blog is about artistic license so really it doesn't matter who's definition you follow (if any!) but rather that you do so with conviction, that way you can dedicate a whole 15 minutes cultivating a reply to a person who disagrees.

A

[1] I have made an assumption that Locke is indeed lovely because that is the way I picture all bloggers, as lovely - kind of my own little Utopia.
[2] This is by no means the only online source which includes the meme idea as it is perpetrated in the blogosphere, see American Heritage Dictionary and Dictionary.com for further confirmation.

A mama's confession

2008-03-31T13:48:00.002+01:00

Motherhood has turned me into a cryer.

Before having children I was what my partner terms, and emotional savant i.e. I lived my emotional state through the medium of film rather than in real-life. I think that this is indicative of a generation which grew up with a television on the background all the time. Obviously generations before that (and now after) either didn't have one or recognised the danger in allowing it to be a main component in our children's lives. Any program or film which contained material pertaining to small children, animals or old people would prompt me to dissolve into a pile of sniffling, snotty tears. I remember a particular Hallmark advert wherein an old blind chap is sitting on a bus with his white cane at his side. As a bunch of school kids got on, one of them handed him a card. The viewer is obviously marvelling at the innocence of the youth in that the man was unable to read his card. He opens the envelope and opens the card and it suddenly plays the happy birthday tune. Every time I saw that ad I would have to leave the room or divert my attention before the end to save myself (and everyone else) from the embarrassment.

Having children hasn't removed this irrational reaction to cheesy tv but what it has done is given me a whole bunch of new instances where the waterworks get the better of me. I have suddenly realised that I am going to be that embarrassing mum who cries every time their kids do something new or well. You know, the one who stands at the gate and gushes over their childs latest accomplishment and can't help but brag over the newest achievement. It is the parent who used to annoy me the most, I wonder if karma has something to do with it?

I find myself marvelling at the most inane little things and although I know this is normal (and quite endearing in itself) it makes me cringe when I think of all the dehydration which awaits me :-).

I guess I should be thankful that I finally have a real live reason to be sentimental - after all, they're all mine (although I suspect hubby had something to do with it to) and they are the best (and cutest) kids ever!

*sniff*

So what is YOUR confession?

A

New gadgets rule.

2008-03-21T20:28:00.002Z

It is that time of the year again where we get to choose the one new gadget which will have to last us for the next 18 months (getting something lets us con ourselves into feeling like we're still hip and cool - of course just by using that term I have publicly humiliated my younger siblings but hey ho, another glass of rose will sort that out). Anyway onto the new gadget, I am posting this from my new phone. Yay I am part of the new generation of geeks. Proper posts resume shortly - after I finish reading my n95 manual.

A

P.s. happy Easter everyone!

My little Trooper!

2008-03-17T12:53:00.002Z

We had a lovely week-end with the rats who were both on top form for making us laugh and ensuring we were both completely exhausted at the end of each day. This morning however, Nate crawled over to wake me up and through my bleary view I noticed something odd about him... I switched the light on to find that his right eyed was completely gunged shut and swollen.

The doctor has made the following diagnosis, it could be;
- All part of the cold,
- Something in his eye or
- Conjunctivitis

What ever it is is quite intense because even by her reckoning the level of gunge is alarming so we're at home having some mum/son time and brother dearest has gone to the childminder where he is lapping up some one on one attention too.

I can't feel put out by it because he is such a lovely patient and he continues to amaze me in his ability to remain cheerful no matter how gross his ailment becomes. Granted, he doesn't have to look at his own eye AND he doesn't have to clean it, such is the luxury of being a kid.

A

Another week, another week-end...

2008-03-14T19:18:00.002Z

So tonight marks the end of our lovely party and I must say it has been a smashing one! I have met so many lovely ladies that I am gonna have to negotiate a few extra hours in the day just to keep up :-). Not too much to say so I thought I'd do an overview of my week - feel free to do the same, especially if you're suffering from all the festivities!

The boys have been lovely this week, if very tiring. This toddler phase is a complete conundrum and I suspect that it is a phase created solely to test our patience as parents ;-). Earlier in the week someone posted a link to an article in which it claimed that extensive studies had found that parenting classes, books and techniques all had absolutely no affect on the behaviour which toddlers exhibit. Sadly the source has now disappeared from my memory and my web history so you'll have to just take my word for it and accept that tantrums are normal :-).

In a typically British turn of events, the abnormal weather held pride of place in the topics of conversation and on Tuesday morning I was astonished when I walked outside to complete carnage. The night had brought gale force winds and the slide had been blown right over. Not sure how we'll recover but trauma counselling is being considered for the whole family.

A colleague had an unfortunate run in with a pot handle and flame and was out of commission for the week which meant an unscheduled trip down South for me. My lovely hubby stepped up to the plate as usual and proved yet again that I am the luckiest mama alive cause my man, he be a keeper!

8 hours, 9 podcasts and a tank of diesel later I am home and ready for the week-end.

Tomorrow I am meeting up with another mama (she was born in the UK but spent 25 years in South Africa so we have a fair bit in common). We're taking the children to the local play zone (god bless those people, where would we be without organised play?) and grabbing a cup of coffee sometime in between.

Sorry folks, a senseless and pretty boring post all in all but at least there is one - have a lovely Friday and here's hoping spring arrives wherever you are (sorry Southern Hemisphere, I don't even want to think about Autumn right now).

Ciao
Mama Big

Tackle it Tuesday - Preparing for a night away

2008-03-11T12:59:00.002Z

Tomorrow night I have to be away on business, which means that my darling hubby has the fun task of being mum and dad while I am away. We are a 50/50 split kind of family so we would normally both tackle every night routine. As I won't be there (and will have to deal with my own guilty conscience) I always try to have as much prepared as possible[1].

So the Tackle it Tuesday plan is as follows:

4:50pm Fetch the boys from the child minder and go home
5:45pm Hubby baths the boys while I get their bottles and pj's ready. We each dress one and settle them for the night.
7:00pm(ish) Start dinner and cook enough to last 2 nights - fill 2 containers for dinnertime at the child minder.
7:30pm Look for outfits for both boys to span both days - hubby is perfectly capable of doing this but I try and make it as easy as I can

The rest of the night will be dedicated to eating, reading, tv and sleep :-)

Not very adventurous I know but it is how this Tuesday should pan out. Wednesday on the other hand will bring a 5 hour drive, a night in a hotel followed by an hour and a half worth of meeting on Thursday and another 5 hour drive back home Joy!.

A

[1] I was SO tempted to use the word pre-prepared but surely that is unnecessary? Isn't one pre enough?

A brief moment in time

2008-03-10T21:32:00.001Z

My lovely sister-in-law took these back in November and my lovely new friends have shown me a great way to show them off..

For your viewing pleasure!

Late as ever but here after all!

2008-03-10T14:11:00.003Z

As is becoming a bit of a pattern, I am late to the party and thus likely to have some serious catching up to do. I am surrounded by beautiful woman on their 10th glasses of champagne who have already kicked off their shoes and hitched up their skirts to dance on tables. If you have NO idea what I am talking about, look to the right of this post and you'll see a HUGE pink button. It is that time you see, the Ultimate Blog Party 2008!

My understanding of it is that we get to make some friends, act a little crazy and just generally shake the winter cobwebs from our little corners of the blogging world. Brought to you by two marvellous woman - Janice and Susan of 5minutesformum fame, if you haven't done so already please check them out cause they're the type of woman everyone should have in their lives, bubbly, vivacious and oh so inspiring.

In line with the rules of the party I have to produce a kind of intro post so here goes and maybe one of you will decide to come to the party even later and make me look good :-)

I am Amy, mother to identical twin boys and wife to a wonderful (if slightly geeky) husband. Equally I am a fairly competent employee and a good friend - although to be fair I am a little thin on the IRL friend front these days which is as much to do with a busy life as it is to do with a little bit of commitment phobia.

I moved from sunny South Africa to the shores of the UK almost 5 years ago for what was supposed to be an extended working holiday, 6 months into the journey I met my lovely husband and the rest as they say is history.

We endured an exhausting pregnancy, twin to twin transfer syndrome, premature births, c-sections, post-natal depression and clinical depression but we have come out the other side smelling like roses (although to be fair sometimes those roses smell like poo-poo as the Black Eyed Peas will testify).

I love my life, tolerate my job and am convinced that one day soon I'll win the lottery which will mean that I, along with all my extended family (well certain invited family members only) can settle down to a life of simple luxuries like gardening and carpentry. Preferably from a big farm, with multiple houses, horses and great views.

I don't blog often enough but I try to do it when I can and I am always on the look out for lovely friends in the computer so those of you who do pop in occasionally, please come to the party and let me know when you have.

Love & stuff always,
Your blog host.

The meme gods... 7 Random Facts....

2008-02-27T19:39:00.005Z

This old man tagged me with the 7 random facts meme. As it so subtly suggests in the name I guess it means that we have to reveal 7 facts about ourselves before passing the fun onto someone else... so here goes...

The rules are:

Link to the person who tagged you
Post the rules here
Share 7 random or weird facts about yourself
Tag 7 random people at the end of the post, linking to them
Leave a comment on their blog so that they know they've been tagged (not anonymously!!)

7 random facts few people know about me:

I can fit my fist in my mouth
I have 4 tattoo's, the first of which I got when I turned 16 and I am likely to get more in the near future
I can still recite the first English and Afrikaans poems I was taught in school
In primary school I played a lead role in Greece and the Sound of Music despite a disturbing inability to hold a note
In my first year in the UK I played the lead in a pantomime despite having no idea what a pantomime was at the time
I am very good at keeping deep dark secrets (which is a good thing since everyone tells me their dark secrets very quickly)
I will be donating my eggs to a fertility clinic at the end of the year before seriously considering tying knots in my tubes or something :-)

So that means that it is up to you guys to take over now... Queenie ; Red ; Tertia ; Wendy ; Twinkies ; Wasted and finally, my friend down-under Baby Amore

Sorry everyone :-) I have so few friends so it has to be you! :-)

A

Flying with toddlers

2008-02-14T14:55:00.002Z

So I know you guys have been waiting with baited breathe for an update on how it went huh? Well here it is - may it provide insight and clarity to aid you in your frolicking adventures.

The first thing you need to do is find yourself and airline which caters to small children. If they openly acknowledge that they do, chances are they are also used to dealing with frazzled parents. In a pinch this is a godsend, especially if there aren't any hands free when you need them to be. There don't seem to be that many around who do, so don't be afraid to ask - I believe there are some who won't insure their crew to handle children at all so they're not a good bet for long haul. Qatar, Emirates and Qantas score very highly on the family friendly front so they're always a good option if they're within your price bracket.

Secondly, the rules state that children 2 years and under have to either be strapped into their own car seat/infant seat or stay on a parents lap. In flight I would say that the infant seat is a very good option as it is familiar and a handy (and comfortable) spot for baby to be set down. Unfortunately carrying them around the airport and between flights can be problematic - this makes it an unlikely option for parents of multiples unless there are several other adults on hand to help. Some of the airlines (see the above listed ones) offer Bassinet's or flight cots. We chose this option only to discover that the boys were too long for them. I have since been shown a handy way of propping a pillow in one end so that the baby can sleep raised up and I really wish I'd know about it before I flew. If your children are likely to be too tall or if you're not going to make use of the cot facility then I suggest that you avoid the bulk head. It does offer more legroom but as there are no seats in front of you to stow your bag away, you'll have to pack them overhead and it gets very impractical.

Thirdly, pack your handluggage as light as you possibly can. You don't need to take many things to entertain - the plane, people and in flight magazines took care of that and the less you have to carry the better. Also, dress them in baby grows or something similar and take spares because it means you don't have to keep track of all the pieces.

DO pack snacks and buy water, milk and juice before boarding the plane, take a small cooler bag along and keep your milk in there. Although the crew were great, there were times when they were very busy and we needed juice or similar in the way that only parents to young children recognise. Raisins, crackers, fruit and any other finger food works very well.

If you have twins and you and your partner are flying together - pack 2 smaller bags with exactly the same items, this way if you're seperated at all (we were on the second leg of one of our flights) you don't have to run back and forth looking for things.

If you're like me and you're BIG on sticking to the daily routine, try not to get too stressed out. The routine will get messed up but on a long haul flight there is also a lot of time to sleep and catch up if necessary.

If there are 2 adults, have one set their watch to local time and the other keep 'home' time - it makes it easier to figure out what schedule the kids clock is on.

Finally I would say this, when it gets fraught (as it is likely to do at some point), look around for the sympathetic eyes, there are lots of them and most of them will offer to help out if you let them. Be that holding/watching your child while you go for a pee or fetching/carrying things for you because you have child fast asleep on your lap. Ultimately they're on a flight with you but you're unlikely to see them again so don't bother yourself thinking of their needs, be selfish and think about yours and your family's!

All the best and happy flying :-)

A

2008-02-06T12:39:00.000Z

In Loving Memory
Of

'Bones' Lombardi
Feb 1966 - Feb 2008

You will be sorely missed but never f*ing forgotten

The big What IF scenario!!

2008-02-05T13:37:00.000Z

This is a biggie for me (and I suspect my husband, children and family) so I'm putting it out there in the hope that some of you can give me your opinions/experiences.

For a long time I have been harbouring a desire to donate my eggs. It sounds mad and the few people who I have broached the subject with (other than my very understanding hubby) have seriously poo-poo'd the idea.

A couple of weeks ago I was listening to talk radio (ugh! how middle aged of me huh?) and the topic came up and there were a few doctors from various clinics around the UK. They were saying that they're in crisis at present because there are so few donations taking place. There is some thought that the introduction of the 'Right to Know' campaign has had some affect as donors can no longer remain anonymous and so they're desperate for people to come forward.

I have sent off for the documentation and I have discussed it with my hubby and so it's just a matter of making a final decision. I suspect it isn't a pleasant experience and that it could be downright painful, but is that just a short term thing? I think it must be otherwise it wouldn't be requested in the manner that it is.

I think that the fact that I already have a family is a good thing as there is no chance that I can regret the decision later on the basis of my not being able to fall pregnant. Also, I can absolutely guarantee that we will not be trying for more - if anything we would try and adopt later once the boys are older.

So here is where you guys come in. What are your thoughts on egg donation? If you are all for it, what are your motivations? Would you benefit yourself and if so how long have you been waiting? If you are against or you have had a negative experience, please share it because I want to be entering into this with a clear idea of the pro's and cons if at all.

I look forward to hearing the opinions of my friends in the 'puter. You guys are the authority on these types of subjects so I bow to your experiences.

Cheers
A

Hello I'm back ;-)

2008-02-01T19:50:00.000Z

Well rested, excited about the new year and ecstatic that we have finally conquered the constipation (secrets to follow).

Next post will cover flying with twins and what I have learnt - but only after I have caught up on all your blogs!

So much reading and so little time.

Happy New Year everyone.

A

Rant of the week

2007-12-16T20:32:00.000Z

One of the joys of parenting more than 1 child (I'm assuming that this doesn't only apply to children of the same age) is that just as you get over a hurdle for one, the other presents itself often with the same problems only much magnified.

T finally managed to get on top of his constipation last week and despite a small number of attention getting sessions (he has quickly learnt that crying in a particular way brings the adults running) he has obviously softened stools. Unfortunately as his has improved, N's ongoing problems with constipation have worsened to the point that we nearly took him A&E. His temp shot up, he became listless and sweaty and despite valiant attempts to pass a stool spent the whole day doubled up in pain. Fortunately through some hard core perseverance on his part and much tearful support on ours, he finally pushed out at least enough to stop the cramping - for now anyway.

The rant however is more to do with the way that this kind of problem is brushed off by the medical fraternity. I know that even if I had taken him to A&E today or if I take him to the doctors tomorrow, the standard response will be that this is normal for toddlers and so there is very little that they will do to help. I guess in their eyes it would be perseeved as normal but I am sure that there are many parents out there who have to coach their children through similar 'normal' episodes on a daily basis who would disagree. There is nothing normal about the daily onslaught of pain and discomfort. It may be a common problem, it may be something that is expected and thus deemed normal but to my mind it is anything but.

This general attitude towards normalities like these means that little or no attempts are made to find solutions and parents are left fending for themselves, trying to discover which of the millions of 'remedies' suggested by Dr Google and every single person you speak to, actually work.

I know that we should consider ourselves lucky, that there are so many children and parents out their struggling to cope with much bigger and more complex problems. In all honesty I have no idea how they do it because it breaks my heart to see my boys in pain when there is absolutely nothing I an do to stop it as I'm sure it must theirs. I guess we as parents have to carry that burden until they're old enough to carry it themselves (although I suspect that never happens because parents never see their children as grown up anyway ;-))

Despite my little rant, I would be very interested to hear if any of you have suggestions about overcoming constipation of this kind - I have a few ideas and if they work I will share them.

Love
A

p.s. Hello!! New readers, you're all very welcome, please leave a comment so that I know who you are :-)

Going all techie and stuff

2007-12-13T12:41:00.000Z

So, another cool thing that Baby A'more taught me today was to go here and make myself more visible. Not sure if that's a good thing but hell, its Christmas - a time for taking risks... um or is that what New Year is for? I dunno, but anyway part of the deal is that in return for these lovely people making me popular with their many, many friends, I would post a wee little mention of them in the hope that I may have some influence over the 3 of you which frequent these parts.

So here's my post, if you know what rss feeds are then you probably know who they are already and you're bored silly and frantically looking for the 'next random blog' button right now as boredom overcomes you. If you have no idea what I am talking about then may I suggest that you mosey on over to rsshugger where you can get yourself some techie loving?

A

Thursday Thirteen

2007-12-13T12:15:00.000Z

Thirteen Things about parenting twins

1. It will make you envious of parents to single babies
2. It will make others think they should give you unsolicited advice
3. It will drain your savings and eat into your finances
4. It will challenge your sanity and test your resilience
5. It will make you impatient and irritable during teething season
6. It will make you appreciate the finer things in life, like sleep and privacy whilst peeing
7. It will take over your life and make you long for time off BUT
8. It will make so you proud of all the things you can achieve
9. It will also show that you have a much larger capacity for love than you ever imagined.
10. It will prove that material things really aren't that important
11. It will teach you about creativity and imagination
12. It will teach you tolerance for others and strengthen the bond you have with your partner

But most importantly....

13. It will be the single most incredible, amazing, wonderful and overwhelming journey you're ever going to take and I HIGHLY recommend it....

Thanks to Trish for linking to me (one day I will fix my blogroll and add you sweetheart - right now I am faaar too lazy!) and please join in the fun and leave a comment when you have!!

**** Editted to add that I have done it.... you're linked ---> See? :-)

Only 10 days to go!!!

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others' comments. It’s easy, and fun! Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

548 days, 12 hours, 0 minutes and 34 seconds

2007-12-06T20:56:00.000Z

That's the amount of time that has passed since our lives changed forever. 1 year, 6 months and 12 hours ago Thomas entered the world and 5 minutes later Nathan followed suit. At the time I remember feeling overwhelmed by the lack of emotion. I was scared, worried, tired and sore but more than anything I was astonished to find that I had felt closer to my babies when they were inside me than I did once they were out.

18 months later and things couldn't have changed more. Now when I look at them I am overcome with love and pride and I truly wouldn't exchange the sleepless nights, dirty nappies, constipation or endless washing and housework for anything else.

There is no adequate description for the depth of emotion. I have no prose or turn of phrase to describe the absolute joy that they bring to my life at least none that truly does it any justice.

There are moments of desperation and I am thankful that these moments still occur if only to allow me to gain some perspective because this mommyness is heady stuff, easily addictive and altogether moreish.

Happy 1.5 birthday my babies, we've made it this far so we must be doing something right.

Love
Mama

The Truth about Birds and Bees

2007-11-30T12:00:00.001Z

In a time honoured tradition, the subject of Designer Babies has yet again begun to raise its contentious head. As with every other element of being a parent, the idea of creating another living being for the sake of saving a sibling (whether through ‘natural’ or ‘artificial’ means) invites criticism from every corner. As you would expect, the obvious factions (Church, Pro-Lifers etc) are quick to add their weight against but the thing that fascinates me is the number of people, ordinary people, with average lives and medium intelligence that are hopping up on the soapbox to judge and criticise. Are we so far gone as a society that we can’t even allow a sick child every opportunity to get well? Can we honestly say that put in the same position, we as parents (or even carers) wouldn’t grasp at every opportunity made available if it meant relief from suffering?

When is that we become parents anyway? Is it at conception, adoption or even implantation? Is it not possible that a person could love one child enough to want to help them by providing the best possible genetic match, but then still love that match as a person in their own right? And shouldn’t every single situation be judged and evaluated in its own right without the knee jerk reaction which seems to be inevitable these days.

There was a time when we would reserve judgement for behind closed doors or bite our tongues except in private but with the internet comes certain anonymity, a divorcing of emotion with devastating effect.

I look at my boys and there isn’t a single thing that I wouldn’t do to relieve their pain and I’m in the fortunate position where I am not faced with life threatening illnesses or long term suffering. I worry that they are growing up in a world where a parent is assumed to be incapable of making decisions for the benefit of their children. Where even through pregnancy, insemination or adoption the route taken is questioned and analysed and inevitably ridiculed somewhere and by someone. When did parents stop being the protectors first and foremost? As children we automatically assumed that our parents would always put our interests first. Even when the outcome wasn’t what we wanted or expected, deep down we assumed that they had our best interests at heart. I want my children to have that same security, growing up believing that their interests are always in the forefront of our minds. Only question is, how do you ensure that in a society overridden by doubt and suspicion?

A

One month and counting

2007-11-23T15:21:00.000Z

When you choose to live in another country, you accept that a fair amount of travelling will be necessary around the holidays if you're to remain in with a chance for an inheritance. When you choose to marry a foreigner, have children and live in another country you realise that what was once a fairly simple (if tiring) process has at once become a nightmare of paperwork, planning and anxiety.

I have known that we would be flying back to my home country with the boys for Christmas since May but have managed to avoid all thought of the actual flights until now. With the leaving date now a month away however I have to face the inevitable and start working on the plan which will[hopefully] ensure that some semblance of sanity remains after the fact. So far I have....

* Pack sparingly but plan for every eventuality
* Self medicating is a life saver (for those around me more than for me :-))

I've done my research, this site does an incredibly good job of listing all the practicalities and pitfalls but my problem is I seem to only be able to focus on the solutions which I haven't used because I've read the advice too late! Hell, I keep getting stuck on the fact that we're not only flying to a country which is 12 hours away, we're taking a connecting flight first which means the entire journey takes around 24 hours. What was I thinking and why didn't anybody question my sanity at the time?

All joking aside, I am nervous about taking the boys on their first flight even though both dad and I will be there so we should be able to control them even if they slip into their demon suits (which they thankfully seldom do at the same time).

Baring all this in mind, please let me know if you have any useful tips for flying long distances with 18 month old twins. All advice is welcome, no advice is to good or bad for consideration[1].

Yours in anxious anticipation,
A

[1] seriously, somebody suggested giving the babies something to knock them out but I recon the best option would be for the RO and I to take something to knock us out and leave our fellow passengers to fend for themselves!

Parental Question, advice please!

2007-11-13T19:35:00.000Z

For once doctor Google hasn't answered my question properly so I'm throwing it out there...

My boys have taken to slapping themselves in the face. The internet can't seem to agree whether this is normal or whether it is some kind of acting out. More importantly if it is normal, how do you deal with it? How do you react? The boys laugh whenever we try to intervene and I don't want to scare them but I also don't want them to think that it is ideal behaviour when they are frustrated. Keen to hear your ideas and thoughts on the matter.

Other than that, the boys are going through such a lovely phase. I dread jinxing it but I find that I moan and complain so often and it isn't fair when they make us laugh so much. Sleeping is ok, not perfect but ok. More often than not they end up sleeping with us from about 4am onwards but as long as they sleep when they get there, we are learning not to mind too much.

We're looking forward to our holiday over Christmas if a little anxious about the long plane trip - will be tapping the collective for advice on travelling with toddlers closer to the time so you can't say you haven't been warned ;-)!!!

In the meantime, have some funny pictures - after all that is what this blog is all about....

Meet Darth Vader and Yoda .... in all their glory :-)

A

Wordless Wednesday

2007-11-07T11:02:00.000Z

the worse nightmare

2007-11-05T13:05:00.000Z

I used to read current news. I used to love curling up on a Sunday afternoon and drifting off after paging lazily through the black & white print. Perhaps I was naive and kept my rose coloured spectacles on, or maybe I was just capable of turning a blind eye to the horrors but no more.

Every week I help out at our village corner shop and one of my chores involves packing up all the unsold newspapers to be returned to the mill. Despite a concerted effort to look elsewhere I am continuously drawn to headline after sensationalist headline about the horrors that us humans willingly inflict on each other. Most prevalent being the Madeleine McCann case which seems to divide the nation into those who believe that the McCann are involved and those who don't. Unfortunately the press seem to have placed themselves squarely into the done it camp and are doing all they can to fan the rampant rumours.

Perhaps my distress over this story stems from being a parent but I'm not convinced that is the csae because as a parent I should be horrified that their daughter went missing from beneath their noses. Instead I get angry at the blatant attempt to implicate the parents as if it is simply a formality. God! When did we all become so selfish?

People complain that the parents aren't warm enough/emotional enough/distressed enough and that Kate in particular seems to lack maternal skills. The internet is rife with rumours that they sedate their children - don't all parents at one point or another sedate their children? What about the cough medicine that makes them drowsy?

Show me a parent who hasn'tmade any mistakes and I will show you a liar. None of us can say that we have been with our children 100% of the time and all of us must admit that if wanted, the opportunity has always been there.

Too often we let the press control the emotional rollercoaster. In this though the stakes are too high, the horror too unspeakable to contemplate and so we wait for an outcome, any outcome to find closure. I only hope that the outcome is one that we can all live with.

A

To the next level...

2007-10-19T21:16:00.000+01:00

Ok so I have been MIA, I know and I have no excuse. Mostly I have been evaluating what to do with this blog. There are so many of you out there who are entertaining, funny, poignant and altogether gripping that I have been suffering from a bit of performance anxiety and so I have made a decision...

I'm gonna take the plunge and risk offending/annoying or just generally alienating what few readers I have by actually opening up and expressing my real opinions on a variety of issues. I warn you, I like being on a soapbox and I like having my say so I may come to regret this decision when I notice the tumble weed blowing by and the silence becomes deafening :-)

First topic? Parenting under scrutiny. I have recently been involved in a mailing list discussion which has only served to solidify my belief that the discrimination we show each other as parents is criminal. The list comprises of several intelligent, well educated and well rounded individuals. I may not always agree with them but I am usually impressed by their ability to form well researched opinions however the following conversation (edited version) only managed to highlight how objective the whole parenting topic is:

The original topic began with a poll relating to our childhood and whether we had been spanked as children. One of the responses contained the following;

'We've never believed in smacking and they do tend to
behave and are well adjusted. Simply raising our
voices and showing disapproval tends to be enough.

But then again, my wife is a non-working stay-at-home
mum, and gives a lot of time and attention to our kids.
They don't need to misbehave to get our attention.'

I of course immediately got my back up and prepared to fight in my own corner (I am of course a working mother so guilt always forms part of my make-up) and what followed can only be described as messy. The content itself is unimportant, we have all been privy to these kinds of flaming wars and the opinions are widely published but it did make me start thinking about the way we as parents treat one another when our opinions on child rearing vary.

I wrote the following as a response to the conversations and I'd like to know where you'all stand.

'I guess part of the issue for me is that generalisations have a far reaching effect. For example many of you aren't parents[yet] and so most of your opinions/attitudes towards families and family values will come from outside influences. Unfortunately though, unlike most things research will only serve to confuse you further because there are SO many generalisations. It is a minefield of SAHP (Stay at home parent) vs WP (Working parents) but then here are a few more:

Nappies, disposable vs toweling
Feeding, Bottle vs breast
Sleeping, CIO (cry it out) vs Attachment

and many, many more. And for each of these, there are variations in between AND for every variation there is a multitude of people telling you that you are wrong. So when a fellow parents who's opinion I generally respect (if not always agree with) does the very thing that infuriates me about other parents, it gets my back up. I know Chris feels strongly as well and I suspect part of that is that I am very pedantic on this particular issue.

In all honesty, I think that the parenting world has gone mad! Gone are the days when parents compared/competed on the simple things, 'Mary is walking already and she isn't even 1' or 'Joe already knows all his colours and hasn't peed in the bed for months', instead there are charts and rules and objectives and milestones. What I want to know is, who the hell is benefiting from it all? Do you really think that ALL SAHP's provide a stable, welcoming, warm and affectionate upbringing? What about the ones who stifle their children out of fear of the unknown? What about the parents who stay home and drink or get high? What kind of example is that? Equally, there are parents who choose to work 18 hours a day and have a nanny bring their kids up and there are those who do this because they have no choice.

I find it moronic and annoying that we can't just accept that 'we' as parents may be doing something right/wrong and take the credit for having great kids or admit that somewhere something has gone amiss and our kids are a bit loopy instead of relying on the generalisations as an excuse for what we do.

(Edited for anonymity) you and your wife are clearly doing something fantastic in the way you bring your kids up and I salute you for that but I don't for one second think that if you smacked one on the hand just as they were about to grab the serrated knife and cut themselves (after you'd repeatedly told them not to) that it would undermine your good parenting in any way. Equally I don't think that smacking your child for every single thing that they do/don't do will make them disciplined or well behaved.

An excellent point raised was about what kind of values it instills in a child that grows up in a house where getting a hiding is part of the process. In some instances excess does affect you as you become an adult. As does emotional and verbal abuse of any kind. Having said that, children do need to understand anger and that people will sometimes say things which may hurt you. Assuming that removing all forms of physical discipline would somehow protect them from becoming victims of abuse later makes no sense unless you're never going to shout at them or let them leave the house for fear of someone saying something mean to them.

Abuse is a completely separate issue, one that really deserves a whole new thread of its own, but this poll wasn't asking about abuse. It was referring to an article which was about defining the right of a parent and of a child when it comes to smacking so that cases where abuse is an issue would be given priority and dealt with swiftly.

So here is my first BIG opinion post, expect a few more and some funny ones too I hope. At the very least they'll be more frequent.

A

p.s I am fine, we are fine and surprisingly the past few weeks have been the best thing that could have happened.

Touching base, I am alive if a little hoarse

2007-10-07T20:15:00.000+01:00

Ok, so the wheels came off a bit there. They're back on, if a little wobbly and all going to plan we should be back on the road in no time. Not liking the motoring analogy? Sorry, I know it can be a bit tire-ing (ouch!)

Boys are fine (a little snotty and a little coughy but fine), hubby is fine (back from a week long jaunt in the big smoke), house is fine. I on the other hand have a lovely dose of the old laryngitis or something similar and have had a series of mini melt downs over the last 2 weeks leaving everyone thinking that I'm losing the plot!

I am feeling better and details will follow once all the solutions are in play, until then please don't disappear permanently, I will be back I promise.

A

September Round Robin - My question to all moms..

2007-09-24T08:26:00.000+01:00

I'm sorry the question is so late this month, things are a little dishelved in my world and I'm trying to make some sense of it all. As part of this I'd like to ask how some of you have coped with the change that parenthood has had on your identity?

Please don't get my wrong - I'm not depressed or down as such but I am struggling to retain any of my old self in this new world and it is very disconcerting (and I find myself wondering whether I should even try?).

There is something to be said for the me that is the wife and the mother because I am a far nicer person since meeting my husband and I like to think a great deal more loving and patient since becoming a parent. Both of these things convince me that the choices which I have made have been the right ones and I'm glad that is the case because I dearly love my life as it is.

I'm sure though you can sense that there is a bt in here? It is only a small but and usually it is nonexistent or so insignificant that I don't even notice it is there but whenever there is big change afoot or something comes along to upset the routine I find myself wondering how my 'old self' would've handled it.

I am sure that most of us go through this process and that for some people it is easier than it is for others and maybe it is just about completing the transformation. As a family we have been through so much over the last 2 years that I don't think my hubby or I have had a moment to sit back and reflect on how much we have achieved. Instead we're mostly focussing on the day to day stuff or dealing with issues as they crop up. As the RO so rightly pointed out, we don't get any time to enjoy each others company like we used to and although I don't think this is adversely affecting us, I do think that it means we have to be super aware of the things we say or do around one another because we're not putting ourselves first in everything as we used to.

Ugh, sounds so dreary doesn't it? And it shouldn't! I am lucky enough to be popping to London for the night tomorrow, I have a meeting with a client on Wednesday and some friends are in London this week so we're meeting up. I'm looking forward to seeing them and catching up but I am no longer completely comfortable in their company because so many things have changed and I no longer desire the same things they do. On the other hand, the minute I leave home I will start missing everyone and I know that each moment will be spent looking forward to coming back home :-)

Let me know your thoughts if you can, link back or leave a comment because I am intrigued as to whether the rest of you have/do fell this way.

xxx
A

Wordless Wednesday - The last of the summer ice-cream...

2007-09-19T11:32:00.000+01:00

Fickle Francis

2007-09-14T19:49:00.000+01:00

My hubby says I'm fickle. Despite myself I think that he may be right. Fortunately my ficklety (fickleness??) doesn't seem to extend to people or he'd probably have left me by now :-)

My biggest problem is phones. I am a phone person and always have been. Back when phones were analog and I was a young teenager I would lust after the press button lips and the talking bears. When I visited my more wealthy friends I'd buckle at the knees at the site of the see through, l.e.d lit cordless beauties which adorned their bedside tables.

Sadly the addiction has not improved with age either. Back home in South Africa I lived alone and owned 3 different types of home phone despite not having a telephone line into my house! So far our home phone has changed 3 times in 2 years and it is only that infrequent because Chris isn't as easily won over by pretty packaging additional features on something that we use with such irregularity.

The more up to date desires run to mobile phones and this is where my flaw most often lets me down. I LOVE new, shiny mobiles and am forever lusting after someone else's. I manage to convince myself that their phone is the best/nicest/shiniest and as a result I am continuously sulking because mine is sooo old fashioned!

I guess I should be grateful that I have managed to restrict the magpie tendencies to items that don't break the bank but it is unhealthy and one day I may have to find a support group - in the meantime though, I want an iPhone its yummy and it's practical too!

A

Wordless Wednesday

2007-09-12T20:04:00.002+01:00

We're halfway there

2007-09-05T20:17:00.000+01:00

Nate has returned to his normal self, producing smelly, sloppy poo's as appropriate to his diet and his age. Tommy on the other hand is now struggling in much the same way that his brother did last week which makes me wonder if this could be viral? I have never heard of a virus which causes constipation but I'm a bit suspicious about the cycle. We shall see but the next few days bring and hope that all will return to normal.

On another note, today was my half day and since it is the first Wednesday afternoon since my sister returned from South Africa, we decided to make a special occasion of it and went to the Blue Planet (a large aquarium near to us). I didn't really expect it to have much impact on the boys at this age but they were mesmerised. The tropical fish were an obvious treat as their tank was floor level so the boys could get right up to the glass and the fish didn't disappoint, they seem to be as interested in the kids looking at them. The big surprise was that both boys absolutely adored the terapins and it was very sweet to see their looks of delight as the little turtles 'frolicked' under the false sun.

By far the best part however was the ray pond. The blue planet offers an opportunity to 'stroke' the rays. You strum the top of the water and the rays come up to the surface and present themselves for a stroke. I'm not sure whether it was the opportunity to play with water or the appearance of weird creatures but they were overjoyed when we dangled them over the edge.

It is quite a pricey outing but we made the most of it and choosing a mid week afternoon meant that it was practically empty so we could get up close and take our time. It is a great idea for a rainy or wintry afternoon and we'll definitely do it again.

A

p.s thanks for all the kind words re: the boys, it helps to remember that it really is normal even if it is unpleasant.

Things that [don't] go poop in the night..

2007-08-30T20:12:00.000+01:00

Hello? Heelllooo? Anyone still around? I hope so 'cause you're all my buddy, my pal, my mate ya'know?

Anyway onto matters of a pressing nature. My boys are having a pooping strike. Now it is no secret that I am no fan of the whole poop thing and if I am honest I would prefer a world that was poop-free (or more specifically poop-smell-free) BUT I realise that this is wishful thinking and so I find myself worrying a great deal about the lack of poop in my life right now. My poor babes have only just returned to good humour only to be interrupted (twice daily) by what can only be described as 'adult sized beer poops'. Now in an adult that is scary enough, in a small child it causes all manner of blood (yip!) sweat and tears.

So I'm putting this out there, I need some advice because I've been to the doctor with them (getting them to even see them was a story all of its own) and I still don't feel like there will be much relief in the near future (I believe the stuff we've been told to give them twice a day is Lactulose and so far it hasn't had any effect). As for other things we've tried;

* Prunes
* Canned peaches (in syrup)
* Apples
* More prunes
* Cutting back on some of the milk
* Increasing the water
* Massage
* Warm baths (seem to help given that Nate has pooped twice in the bath which he had never done before now but still the problem remains)
* Hugging and
* Stressing out

They eat plenty of fruit, veggies and wholegrain pasta/breads, consuming between 16 and 20 ounces of full cream milk and at least 8 ounces of water/diluted juice. Admittedly they are allowed a biscuit every day but we limit their sugar intact and they almost never have sweets or chocolate. So come on internet, gimme a game plan so that I can help my little monsters get back to terrorising the neighborhood.

A

(b.t.w I know that this is all written in a joking manner but I really am at a loss and there are few things as heartbreaking as watching a small child desperately hold things in because they expect it to be painful so any advice is welcome.)

The not-so-blue Monday

2007-08-20T15:42:00.000+01:00

This was going to be a loooooooong post about how hard it has been to have sick children (again!) and how tiiiiiiiiiired we all are but then I got to thinking... things aren't that bad. Sure the kids have been sick but they seem to be ok today and hopefully will continue to improve all week. We might have had a tough week-end but my in-laws made us sooo comfortable and always offer such support that it really was a nice change to see them (hello daddyK :-)).
So instead of moaning up a storm, here are a few things that I am ever thankful for:
* Having a supportive and caring husband who loves me back
* Two wonderful little boys who are endlessly entertaining if sometimes exhausting
* Having a warm house with lots of windows and space for clutter to accumulate
* Having a warm and caring family-in-law who always make us feel comfortable even when the pooch/child is pooping on the carpet
* Having a sister who loves her nephews enough to stay at home and look after them even if she doesn't get paid to do it
* Living in a country where my children have every opportunity to become great without it being a prerequisite to a better life
* Knowing that at the end of each month I will have earned some money to buy the things we need and sometimes even the things that we want

Gosh I find that I could go on but that would use up all my inspiration. What about you - what are you thankful for?

A

Multiple Round Robin - August Question

2007-08-14T21:18:00.000+01:00

If your babes are identical - how similar do you think they are vs what other people think? If they are fraternal - are they very different or do you find it difficult to differentiate?

This question is made up of a mix of comments that I'm sure all parents to multiples fend off on a daily basis. My favourite is when a complete stranger walks up to my 2 beautiful and obviously same aged children and asks if they are twins. I always want to reply with, 'No, I just have an unusually short gestation' but of course I don't having learnt the stiff upper lip thing from the locals :-)

Anyway onto the answer... Firstly, my boys are identical twins but though there definately is a strong resemblance to one another, we don't notice as much. Nate has a heart shaped face with a bum chin and Tom has a round face with much chubbier cheeks and no bum chin. BUT we do foten get caught out when we look back at pictures and have to do some serious looking to figure out who is who :-)

The big differences are in the personalities. There couldn't be 2 more different boys and my hubby has pointed out that out of the twins that we know the younger always seems to be the more outgoing/adventurous one.

Nate is very introspective and in many ways takes after his dad. The only real trait he gets from me is that we're both restless sleepers and we don't like being cuddled while we sleep. In contrast, when awake, he will mull things over and sit and watch his brother before methodically taking over the mischief making. As part of this Nate also gets more frustrated when things don't work the way he thinks that they should. Stacking toys cause all manner of drama when he can't get them to stack the way he wants them to and he has been known to throw the odd object out of sheer frustration. He is also far more physical, as if he has to compensate for being the smaller of the two and when he is ill he retreats into himself making his ailments much easier to notice. As a rule Nathan looks the most mischevious and I suspect that he will be the heartbreaker in the family.

Tom is the gentle 'giant'. Like me, he is enthusiastic and will almost always leap before he looks. As a result he is forever getting into scrapes and bumping his head/shoulder/knee and is guaranteed to be the boy responsible for knocking a drink over or tipping the bin out. So far he has been the first to reach each milestone even though his brother follows with a more perfected version. Tom is extremely loveable and adores physical attention. He likes to hug and will cuddled up with anyone or anything (he has an assortment of teddies but books and cars are also elligible). He is also the more sensitive child so sometimes it is hard to tell if he is crying for crying sake or if there is something else causing it. Out of the two boys, Tom is the bigger and the stronger but he isn't as tenacious as Nate so he often finds himself at the bottom of the wrestle, much to his dismay. All being told, Tommy is the lover and in my head I see him growing up picking up the pieces of the broken hearts that his brother has unknowingly discarded.

There has recently been one small role switch that makes me wonder how much of these things we project onto them (maybe they're exact copies of each other taking turns and we choose to only see certain traits?). The boys adopted their very own puppy recently, a little border collie named Bella. She is very sweet and quite gentle for a puppy and yet Nate is quite scared of her (she is about a third of his size). Tom on the other hand has no problem playing with her and showing her who is boss. So maybe I've got it all wrong, I don't know :-) but it is fun to think about what the future may hold!

As per usual feel free (PLEASE!) to answer the question on your blog anytime during August and please link back here or leave a comment so that I can share in the love.

A

Corrected age 1 year, 6 days

2007-08-05T21:09:00.000+01:00

I missed the real date (surprise!), 31 July would have been the boys first birthday had I carried full term. I was looking at some of the early pictures of them and it is hard to believe that they were so small and that they seemed so fragile. Here we are 14 months on and not only are they fit and healthy, they're both developing into such funny characters if a little trying at times.

It got me thinking about the people who are starting out on the journey and whether I had any advice to give them so I've come up with a list. I may add to it from time to time and you should feel free to do the same by leaving yours in the comments so that I can add it on.

Kewd, this one is for you (and if you have a blog, let me know the link so that I can follow your progress);

How to survive the first year (and eek out some enjoyment too!)

1. Ignore the books or rather, read them, process them and then put them aside. Some of them will serve you well but most of them will add to your anxiety and make you feel less capable.
2. Listening to your instincts you'd be surprised how often you're right. There is a reason why doctors take a parents opinion as part of the assessment - you spend the most time with them and therefor know them best.
3. Ask for help everybody wants to help out but most people are afraid that they'll be overstepping the mark so don't be afraid to ask. If someone comes to visit, let them put the kettle on and make the tea and if you can make a list of all the things that you'd like to get done but can't find the time to do - stick it on the fridge and let people decide for themselves how they can help.
4. Don't worry if you haven't documented every moment there will be loads more firsts and even more seconds and thirds :-)
5. Sleep! - coming from me, I know how difficult it is to fit sleep in but I also know how devastating lack of it can be. So my advice is to try and balance out the chores so that you get to nap a couple of times a day when the babies are asleep. You will be surprised how much quicker and easier it is to fold some washing or wash some bottles if you've managed to grab an hours rest.
6. Learn to share :-) share the work with your friends and family, share the burden of responsibility with you partner (at the very least it will help them to feel part of the process). And lastly...
7. Don't beat yourself up over the little things there will be moments of anxious terror when you may feel like you're the worst mother and that you're failing them. In these moments try and reassure yourself that things will happen and when they do it will be your reaction to them that counts. Babies will fall, they will cry, they will get sick and they will be unpredictable it is their job and it is ours to remain sane long enough to remind them of this fact!

So that is it for now. It has taken me this long to realise all the above and I'm sure most new parents will also have to get through the experience before they become aware of their own strengths. Until then, take comfort in knowing that you're not alone and that before you know it yours too will be toddling around and creating a whole new set of anxieties for mum and dad!

A

Baby got mama

2007-07-29T19:06:00.000+01:00

Having a tooth taken out in the dentist's chair is a bitch but it is nothing compared to dealing with an overtired toddler*! Okay, now that I have that out of the way, here is the positive post that I have been compiling in my head all day.

This week-end I had an epiphany. Or rather, I didn't have one which is what made it so special. You see I hate to admit it (as I'm sure you're aware) but I haven't found motherhood to be the easiest of things to master despite being told that I am very good at it. Instead I have found it to be demanding and rewarding but also very, very tiring. I am starting to realise that a big part of the tiredness stems from the intellectual participation that I have been relying on to get through the first months. I research and listen and read and ask questions. I try and make sure that I am as prepared for everything as I can be, in the hope that I don't get shown up as a fraud. Mostly it worked and the boys seemed to thrive in spite of my inabilities but I have found it rough going and both physically and mentally exhausting.

I have spent a fair amount of time trying to figure out why I have found motherhood so difficult. It isn't as if I am inexperienced when it comes to babies - in fact I would go as far as saying that I have had far more hands on experience than most new mothers have and yet the last year I have felt as though I am completely new to it. It has slowly dawned on me that most of this is tied to having twins because there have been moments when I have felt cheated of the opportunities that mothers to singles have. Going out has been a big deal (far bigger a deal than it needs to be) and I have avoided taking the boys out on my own as much as possible because I have found it so stressful.

This week-end saw that turn around though. I took the boys to visit a close friend and her daughter (the frenchies) and for the first time it just felt normal. I didn't plan obsessively first - in fact it was a really last minute decision to do it. They had both woken up very early so I packed them up, took them grocery shopping and then popped in to said friend for some tea.

When I write it down it sounds like such a non event but when I was driving away from my friends house it occurred to me that up until very recently I have been tinkering at the edges of motherhood but now I finally feel ready to accept this role and let what comes naturally happen**.

A

* An otherwise perfect week-end ended with Nathan fighting sleep for all he is worth. He screamed, scratched and flung his way through an hours worth of attempted convincing. Eventually it took his aunty's finer touch to get him off to sleep - not sure how this post would have turned out had she not been around.

** Please note that by naturally, I don't necessarily mean instinctual as I'm fairly certain that I will still be reading a whole bunch of stuff before making any huge decisions :-)

Revenge of the molars...

2007-07-21T20:09:00.000+01:00

*sigh* this teething milarcki(sp?) is becoming a serious drag. I believe that we are now dealing with the first molars. Holy mother of all that is [insert relevant religious deity here]! When does it stop. I know that we had it easy in the beginning but since their first birthday we have been forced to eat our good fortune many times over. Sleep is a thing of the past and the grumpy germ lurks around very corner.

We now share our bed from around 1am onwards. On a good night we only share it with 1 flailing, wild, obnoxious toddler. Most nights we are visited by 2. In reality this means that I'm sleeping at the bottom, the RO is sleeping at the top and the boys have 90% of the bed consisting of the middle and 2 out of 4 sides.

As if that wasn't enough, I have to swallow my fear of tooth extraction because on Monday afternoon I am having a wisdom tooth extracted - in the dentist chair!! Whilst awake!

Excuse the exclamations and the mixed metaphors, its been a long week.

A

Virtual congratulations...

2007-07-16T10:51:00.000+01:00

I've been terribly remiss in my reading and have only just realised that 2 new lovelies have entered the world while I have been hiding under a rock!

Go on over and welcome Isabella and Zachary (and of course mum and dad too), may they be good sleepers, great eaters and mischevious to boot!

:-)

And I'm back ;-)

2007-07-15T18:42:00.000+01:00

Thank you for all the lovely comments. My friend is okay (although now recovering from a nasty womb infection) and I'm taking all your advice and being extra gentle with her. Unfortunately she will soon have to face the prospect of getting on with the practical aspects of life and I suspect that means that the worst is still to come. Having said that, she has been remarkable in her strength and her grief and I am so proud to have such a great friend to support.

Onto other subjects, the last week has in equal parts been pretty cool but also decidedly frustrating. For every great thing that has happened, some annoying hoops have had to be jumped in order to get it.

My dad arrived last Saturday and stayed for a week. This is the same father who has had a completely irrational phobia of anything younger than 9 for as long as I can remember (including I believe me). The boys manage to win him over in about 3 minutes flat and they proceeded to charm the socks off of him at every opportunity. Needless to say he has now joined the ranks of besotted (if not completely hands on) grandparents. It was lovely to see him and it was interesting that the dynamic between us has moved to yet another level and we seem to finally be comfortable in each others company without feeling the need to compete. Lucky for him, he left for Turkey this morning where he is going to spend 2 weeks on a yacht with some clients of his, we on the other hand have teething children to contend with and so the next few weeks will be anything but restful for us.

I know that I have missed a whole bunch of news on the blogosphere and for that I am dreadfully sorry. Please don't think that you've been forgotten cause you couldn't be farther from the truth :-)

Hugs to all!
A

The nature of grief...

2007-07-06T11:25:00.000+01:00

I have spent a fair amount of time with my friend who lost her baby and although I know that I cannot begin to know the intensity of her grief, I have come to realise that as human beings we're generally pretty awful at supporting others. over the last week I have heard several people asking her how she's feeling and saying things like, 'it'll get better with time', and 'you have to deal with these things head on'.

Now I appreciate that the intention behind these sentiments is a good one but I can't help but feel that saying things like this only serves to make the person saying them feel better about the situation. At a time when things are so fresh and raw, the last thing my friend needs is to be told that she needs to deal with her grief. It is all that she can do at the moment to maintain her sanity. All she can do is try and stop herself from thinking about it for a few moments a day and I doubt anyone could attempt to make any sense of their emotions if they were in the same position.

I am especially astonished by the way the health visitors and midwives seem completely unprepared, even when they know the circumstances before they even arrive at her house. Surely these are the people who should know that nothing can be said to ease the pain? Sometimes it is better if nothing is said at all if the only words land up being trite cliché's.

I know that some of you have suffered similar losses and I'd like to ask, am I on the right track here? Am I correct in thinking that you can only start dealing with the grief of losing a baby far into your term once the sheer enormity of the grief subsides a little? I need to know because all I can offer my friend right now is someone to run to when she wants somewhere to hide, everything else just isn't enough.

A

Multiple Round Robin - July Question

2007-07-01T20:57:00.000+01:00

How do you deal with the challenges of sleep training multiples? How successful do you think that your strategy has been?

I have to admit that I'm being really selfish starting with this question because I desperately need to hear how the rest of you are doing this as my two are seriously testing our patience at the moment.

The first year was a breeze when compared to things right now especially once we introduced the following routine;

6:00pm Bath
6:20pm Dress and Bottle
6:40pm Bedtime story
7:00pm Settle them down to sleep

Generally this worked really well and we even managed to have a few nights where they slept through, for any new twin mums I strongly suggest that you try and introduce some kind of regular routine as soon as possible (even though they don't seem to take much notice of it in the first few months).

This last month has seen everything change though. Thomas is now being really headstrong and both boys seem to have decided that being in the cot = fun time! It is getting increasingly frustrating to try and get them to settle. The latest trick is for them to screech at each other just as they're about to fall asleep which starts off a whole new spate of awakeness. The last few nights it has taken us around 2 hours to settle the boys and I hate to admit it but I am fast losing all patience with it!

The only big difference is that both boys have had a bit of a cold and I'm wondering if part of the problem is that they may have an ear infection? I'd appreciate any advice in this area because neither of them have ever had one before so I don't know what the symptoms are.

Anyway, enough about me and mine, feel free (PLEASE!) to answer the question on your blog anytime during July and please link back here or leave a comment so that I can share in the love.

A

For my dear friend,

2007-06-28T21:37:00.000+01:00

Today was hard for me but I know that doesn't even come close to what it was like for you. Your strength amazes me and will see you through the hard path that you and your hubby now face.
Life can be so cruel and so many things are unfair. Nothing I say can ease the pain and so all I can offer is my support and a shoulder whenever you need it.
In time you will need more than this though and hopefully I will be able to point you in the direction of some wonderful woman who understand on a more personal level so that you don't have to feel like you're alone. I wish that I could do more. I wish that I could share your pain so that it isn't so raw. I wish that I could take some of the weight off your shoulders so that the future wouldn't seems so scary.

I just hope that you know that you aren't alone and that I know that you won't want to ask for help so when I pitch up on your doorstep you don't need to say anything, you can just be and I will understand.

Comme avec toutes choses, ceci passera aussi

A

Thanks and other stuff...

2007-06-24T20:32:00.000+01:00

It's been a long month but soon it will be over and hopefully July will bring with it some sunshine because this rain is really starting to piss me off. Cabin fever is not a pretty thing and my twins have it bad!

Today we had a welcome break from the monotony of the weather, the friend whom I mentioned in the previous post brought her hubby and daughter around and we all had a lovely time eating lunch and chatting. The kids get on wonderfully and her husband is an absolute dear. I know things are tough for both of them right now (and seeing the boys playing together can't have helped) but they're handling it as well as the can and were the perfect guests.

It has been such a long time since we've had the opportunity to socialise in such a relaxed manner and I hope that there will be many more opportunities to do so.

********************************************************

On another note I am finally compiling the list of questions and will send them to everyone who has expressed an interest but I could do with a few more. So if you have any questions, either ones that you get asked all the time or ones that you think up for yourself because you want to see what other people are doing then please pop them in the comments or drop me an e-mail.

********************************************************

Things return to normal this week as I am back in the office and so (hopefully) I'll get a chance to post more often.... here's hoping anyway.

A

When there are no words....

2007-06-21T22:42:00.000+01:00

A very dear friend of mine got some bad news about her pregnancy yesterday and I have no words to comfort her. I know that she is tough and that she can hold it together if she needs too but I know that she is also hurting and I wish that I could help to share the weight.

I know that many of you have experienced great sorrow in your lives and that often it has resulted in a terrible loss so I'm asking for some guidance. So, what if anything have you found helpful? Who has given you the support when you needed it most and what has only served to make things worse?

I don't know what the exact problem is but I do know that the prognosis is bad and final. She's 18 weeks along now and has to face the end is around the corner.

*sigh*

Spare a thought for my dear friend she could use all the internet wishes that you can send.

A

Twin questions - not answered but asked...

2007-06-15T20:27:00.000+01:00

I am supposed to do an entry today just so that I am a bit more up to date but I can't, my brain is tired and my body is weary. Why? I hear all you interested parties ask, well you see my friends, my boys have decided to play tag team at night and we made the mistake of giving in a couple of times so now they think that sleeping with mum & dad is the norm.

The last 2 nights I have tried to take child duty as I am on leave for the next few days and Chris is back at work. The plan has been as follows....

Baby cries, mum reacts by finding dummy, laying baby down and returning to bed.... rinse and repeat until mum grows to weary. Pick up spare duvet and pillows and lie down in the nursery next to the cots so that my reaction time is quicker..... get some sleep.

As the boys had their boosters yesterday I expected some restlessness but they really had planned it well. Thomas was restless for the first half of the night (around 11pm until about 2am) and Nathan picked up where he left off at around 3am.

I guess we'll see how things go over the week-end but I'm a little confused about how to deal with this because we can't even take the cry-it-out option as they wake each other up. Leaving them both awake means that they never go to sleep because they try and out do each others crying.

I'm sure many of you have been in this position before, what did you do? What worked for you and what made things much worse?

Interested to know!

A

I am a bad, bad blogger... (and other random things)

2007-06-12T08:30:00.000+01:00

and even apologising is getting tired so, I hereby commit to making a better contribution PLUS there is the whole Round Robin thing that I suggested and have handled miserably...

New rules for the Round Robin: we will do it on the last Friday of every month and I will send out all the questions in e-mail but will also try and figure out a way to keep them here so that any new questions which you would like to add can be. (something about the structure of the sentence is completely off but I can't figure out what it is). Hopefully this will mean that we all have far more preparation time and I will be able to keep up :-)

I'd also like to say thanks to all of you for wishing my boys happy birthday - one day they will be amazed by the wonderful messages from all over the globe!

Amy

p.s. I am horribly behind on reading all of you so PLEASE forgive me if I've missed something important!

What a difference a year makes!

2007-06-06T20:54:00.000+01:00

Exactly 1 year ago today we took our first step on the road that is parenthood. I have so few memories of that day (morphine) but I know that in the days that followed, the true magnitude of the change began to sink in and I was terrified.

A year later and things have continued to evolve and dare I say it, have even become enjoyable :-). There are tough days, and moments when the exhaustion and all the pressures and expectations become overwhelming but for the most part, life is good.

We've had such a lovely day - albeit tiring but it has been exhausting so all my big intentions for the first year post have been shelved temporarily so that I can get an early night.

Until I get a moment to do my sons life justice, here is a visual reminder of where they came from and where they are now....

Friday Round Robin - Question 2 (bltn*)

2007-06-01T10:10:00.000+01:00

I know - I must seem like the MOST disorganised person around, I'm not usually this scatty I promise and I will distribute a list of questions to anyone who is interested, just leave a comment (Cass and Stacie, I will send the list to you as well if you're still interested?)

Question 2:
How do you cope with the logistics of having multiple babies and is the pressure always so relentless?

This is question is asked in various ways and it is usually after someone has visited/been visited for a few hours during the 'awake' time. The answer is rather surprising, or it was to me when I first thought it through. The thing is that you do cope most of the time. Having more than 1 baby at a time means that you have to plan more but you also have to accept that your planning will be useless more often. In many ways, my time management has improved drastically to accommodate the feeding/dressing/playing necessities that arise.We get up earlier, and we start getting ready for outings far in advance to allow for any hiccups and we work to a fairly constant routine.

Parenting multiples is about recognising when there is a need to compromise (with your ideals and your partner) and when you need to remain steadfast. I also think that once you've had more than 1 kid depend on you for everything, we get a little 'hooked' on the busy factor. Sure I complain about it all the time and I am in the very fortunate position of having a husband and sister who are always involved and supportive so doing it single would be a completely different story, but it has given me a lot of confidence in my abilities. I have taken on the challenge of doing a degree (something I always intended to do but never got around to it) and I am far more capable than I was before I had kids.

I guess it comes down to having a realistic outlook and fairly low expectations. :-)
A

* Better Late Than Never

Oh the pain!

2007-05-29T11:45:00.000+01:00

So I know that it has been a while since the last post (11 days to be precise) and for those of you who noticed, I am sorry. For those of you who didn't, you don't know what you're missing, or perhaps you do which is why you never noticed???

Anyway, here's whats been going on. Last week was a wash as I had a Sales conference to attend and had a meeting with our most valued person. Add to this the driving in between, the bank holiday traffic and the exhaustion associated and you'll see why turning the laptop on became near on impossible.

It was a constructive week (which proves that the t'internet really is addictive) in that I managed to get my assignment completed on time and submitted it early. Made it through a conference of big headed, hot aired sales types without too many scars AND proved my worth to my new boss by impressing the socks off of him during an important meeting.

As it was also the first time that I was away from home and away from the boys I hoped to make the most of it by sleeping as much as possible. In reality I tossed and turned both nights and can only fathom that it was far to quiet! Maybe hotels can offer some kind of background noise option which features crying, moaning babies through the night so that us mums can sleep well!

By the third day I was getting all teary eyed whenever I saw a baby and felt desperately ready to return home. Those of you who are veterans at the 'leaving home for a few days thing' will be laughing right now because you'll know that about 5 minutes after returning home I was redy to leave again :-) - how is it possible for such small creatures to make that much noise and mess?

Anyway, it is good to be back and I know I owe a round rabin e-mail and post - getting to it on the list I promise.

A

p.s. terribly behind on blog reading too so if something wonderful/terrible has happened, please don't think that I have stopped caring because I haven't!

Multiple Round Robin Carnival

2007-05-18T21:39:00.000+01:00

I know that I am behind in posts but Stacey has been kind enough to share her unanswered questions to get us into the swing of things. She has also suggested that we do it carnival style so if you're interested go here.

Mine to follow shortly ;-)

Let me know if it breaks.....
A

Like a bloody murder

2007-05-15T08:21:00.000+01:00

(Thank-you for all the lovely comments and e-mails about the previous post. I hope that y'all had a lovely week-end.)

So I have a question to pose to all you mums out there. Is your evening routine as hectic as ours? I sometimes feel like the boys are expecting some kind of beating or something with the way that they carry on and I'm wondering if it's something that we're doing. Let me give you an idea of the routine (which worked perfectly until they got chicken pox, since then, they've become really difficult);

4:30pm
Dinner (usually consists of veggies, chicken/pasta and fruit
5:00pm - 5:45pm
Mum and Aunty K go through reportoire of entertainment as the boredom of the day begins to set in.
5:45pm
Dad gets home and the boys show their delight by frantically demanding his attention.
6:00pm
Dad runs the bath and entertains boys. Mum collects pj's, growbags, dummies, bottles, nappies*, cream, wipes, miscellaneous items used for distraction.
6:15pm
Boys get into the bath and dad pretends to wash them (really it's just an exercise in teaching the boys to splash water all over the place :-))
6:30pm
The boys get out of the bath and this is where the fun begins. They don't mind being taken out of the bath, in fact for some reason they find it quite funny. Until that is, we reach the bedroom and they realise that it is time for them to enter the tomb of death wherein they will be subjected to forceful drying, excessive creaming and mummified in clothing and other sleep gear. I swear that my parents can hear the screams in South Africa. And the twisting and turning seriously tests my patience.
6:50ishpm
Bottle time. They love this part and are so content that they almost fall asleep on our laps. Unfortunately no matter how carefully we carry them to their cots, by the time we reach the threshold of their room, they're already getting their second wind.
7:00pm
Mum reads a chapter from the Magic Faraway Tree accompanied by the sweet soundtrack of shrieking, sqwauking and chuckling. I think that this may be their favourite time of the day (and to be honest I love their antics too).
7:10pm
Mum & Dad attempt to settle them down for bed. All lights are switched off, dummies are given, muslins are clutched and what follows is anything between 10 minutes and an hour of.... lay down, soothe, calm, attend. Up the stairs, down the stairs until eventually they both give in.

Now I know that it doesn't sound that bad (I realise that now that I'm typing it) but I just don't get what the fuss is about when it comes to dressing them and putting them down? Do all kids do this? Should we change something in the routine? Resign ourselves to our fate?

Let me know how your evening routine pans out, I am so not above poaching all your ideas.

A

* For some reason I always forget to put nappies out for this change and the RO has to double check me so that we don't find ourselves in an awquard position.

For mothers

2007-05-11T15:49:00.000+01:00

So Sunday is Mothers Day in some parts of the world (including South Africa) and my mum sent me an e-mail to commemorate it. Now I have to admit that I don't usually read these e-mails because they are always chain letter type things and they're usually very religious (no offense mean to the religious out there but I prefer to choose to be involved/exposed) but for once I was pleasantly surprised, I even managed to shed a tear.

Unfortunately the author hasn't signed this so I can't give credit where it is due, but if you know who it was or want to claim it as your own then please let me know so that I can amend the details.

For all of you...

This is for the mothers who have sat up all night with sick toddlers in
Their arms, wiping up barf laced with Oscar Mayer wieners and cherry
Kool-Aid saying, "It's okay honey, Mommy's here." Who have sat in
Rocking chairs for hours on end soothing crying babies who can' t be
Comforted.

This is for all the mothers who show up at work with spit-up in their
Hair and milk stains on their blouses and diapers in their purse.

For all the mothers who run carpools and make cookies and sew Halloween
Costumes. And all the mothers who DON'T.

This is for the mothers who gave birth to babies they'll never see. And
The mothers who took those babies and gave them homes.

This is for the mothers whose priceless art collections are hanging on
Their refrigerator doors. And for all the mothers who froze their buns
On metal bleachers at football or soccer games instead of watching from
The warmth of their cars, so that when their kids asked, "Did you see
Me, Mom ?" they could say, "Of course, I wouldn't have missed it for the
World," and mean it.

This is for all the mothers who yell at their kids in the grocery store
And swat them in despair when they stomp their feet and scream for ice
Cream before dinner. And for all the mothers who count to ten instead,
But realize how child abuse happens.

This is for all the mothers who sat down with their children and
Explained all about making babies. And for all the (grand) mothers who
Wanted to, but just couldn't find the words.

This is for all the mothers who go hungry, so their children can eat.
For all the mothers who read "Goodnight, Moon" twice a night for a
Year. And then read it again. "Just one more time."

This is for all the mothers who taught their children to tie their
Shoelaces before they started school. And for all the mothers who opted
For Velcro instead.

This is for all the mothers who teach their sons to cook and their
Daughters to sink a jump shot.

This is for every mother whose head turns automatically when a little
Voice calls "Mom?" in a crowd, even though they know their own offspring
Are at home -- or even away at college.

This is for all the mothers who sent their kids to school with stomach
Aches assuring them they'd be just FINE once they got there, only to get
Calls from the school nurse an hour later asking them to please pick
Them up. Right away. This is for mothers whose children have gone
Astray, who can't find the words to reach them.

This is for all the step-mothers who raised another woman's child or
Children, and gave their time, attention, and love... Sometimes totally
Unappreciated!

For all the mothers who bite their lips until they bleed when their
14-year-olds dye their hair green.

For all the mothers of the victims of recent school shootings, and the
Mothers of those who did the shooting.

For the mothers of the survivors, and the mothers who sat in front of
Their TVs in horror, hugging their child who just came home from
School, safely .

This is for all the mothers who taught their children to be peaceful,
And now pray they come home safely from a war.

What makes a good Mother anyway? Is it patience? Compassion? Broad
Hips? The ability to nurse a baby, cook dinner, and sew a button on a
Shirt, all at the same time? Or is it in her heart? Is it the ache you
Feel when you watch your son or daughter disappear down the street,
Walking to school alone for the very first time ? The jolt that takes
You from sleep to dread, from bed to crib at 2 A.M. To put your hand on
The back of a sleeping baby? The panic, years later, that comes again
At 2 A.M. When you just wan t to hear their key in the door and know
They are safe again in your home? Or the need to flee from wherever you
Are and hug your child when you hear news of a fire, a car accident, a
Child dying? The emotions of motherhood are universal and so our thoughts are for young mothers stumbling through diaper changes and sleep
deprivation...

And mature mothers learning to let go.

For working mothers and stay-at-home mothers.

For mothers-in-waiting and infertility mothers.

Single mothers and married mothers.

Mothers with money, mothers without.

And to those for whom motherhood is still a dream and a wish.

This is for you all.

For all of us.

Hang in there. In the end we can only do the best we can.

Tell them every day that we love them.

I am in awe of you mum, now that I know how hard motherhood is, I cannot begin to imagine how you managed to bring up all 4 of us. I love you and am proud to call you my mum.

Happy Mothers Day y'all!

A

p.s. I know that this was supposed to be a round robin post it being Friday and all but we'll return to that next week and hopefully I will have distributed the questions to the participating mums by Monday so that they have ample time to prepare :-).

I'm alive, barely.

2007-05-09T20:27:00.000+01:00

Turns out that the tooth cannot be pulled under a local anesthetic (although they certainly tried) because the tooth is brittle - most likely due to the pregnancy *sigh*. The dentist tried to pull it but it immediately broke up. Instead I have to book into the dental hospital and have them removed surgically. On the one hand I'm glad that I won't be awake through it but on the other I may have to wait up to 8 weeks before it can happen.

I have been given a course of antibiotics to try and control the infection - I am even avoiding alcohol in an attempt to get the better of it.

Now onto more important matters, I have a question to pose to those of you who have had experiences with anti depressant. I have been on fluoxetine for about 10 months now and had my dose increased in January (2 x 20mg capsules daily). Since the dose was increased I have put on an excessive amount of weight and I now find that this is becoming the biggest issue for me. In terms of emotions I am feeling much better and I think that it is a good sign that I am even considering going off the meds because it is a step in the right direction.

Those of you who have been down this road, what do you think? The weight is an issue but I'll put up with it if I need too. More importantly I'll be glad to have the weird dreams stop!

Any advice/assvice is welcome - I could do with some new perspective.

A

*************************

p.s. Thanks to Cass and Stacie for taking part in the round robin. I will try and get my stuff together and get a list of the questions sent out so that everyone has advanced notice - I'll get around to it as soon as possible because I think it was a great idea and I thoroughly enjoyed reading the different perspectives.

Emergency Intervention..

2007-05-08T12:47:00.000+01:00

I haven't forgotten about any of you I promise!

We've just had a long week-end and I have had an enlarged lymph node in my neck for most of it. I've just come back from the doctor and now I'm off to the dentist to have a back tooth pulled!

I have many problems with this:
1) I have good teeth and I look after them
2) I hate dentists!
3) I have better things to do...

Anyway so I'll be back later and I'll update all of you properly. Until then, send me happy, painfree thoughts please!

Amy

Friday Round Robin - Question 1

2007-05-04T09:13:00.000+01:00

(Thanks to Stacie because I have totally poached this question from her list to start us off)

How good are your babies at self-entertainment? Do you ever get any moments to yourself? What do you do with those moments?

The first 6 months were awful because they needed constant attention with little interactions. They did sleep a lot more though so getting the laundry done and preparing meals was far more successful.

Once they started sitting I found that they were best entertained by having only a few toys around them as too many distractions just meant that there was a great deal of extra falling over.

Now that they are crawling/standing/climbing life has become more hectic. For some reason they never seem content to just cuddle with me (although they will readily do this with their dad), instead they want to try and throw themselves off the end of the bed or launch themselves at the window whenever I'm around. I am constantly amazed that my sister hasn't had a complete breakdown by now because she spends every afternoon chasing them around.

The boys do play pretty well together and it can get quite funny when they wrestle over a particular object. We have found that although they like their toys they prefer things that they aren't allowed so we have filled all the shelves on their level with odds and ends that are both safe for them to play with and that won't immediately make daddy's hair stand on end (a great example of this is the tv/satellite/radio/xbox remote because every time they go near them we say, 'daddy's gonna shout' so I swear they will think that is what they are called). Their current favourite is an old discarded keyboard, cellphone and replica remote control.

Unfortunately having twins means that there isn't much 'free time'. Over week-ends my hubby looks after the boys quite a lot so that I can get practical things done (laundry, groceries, diy etc) and we haven't quite reached the point where he is comfortable to be left with them or take them out for extended periods of time. Having said that though, I have managed to squeeze in some time for myself as I have just started a part-time degree but I have to admit that all my old favourites like reading have taken a bit of a back seat.

Hopefully now that summer is here (and they LOVE being outdoors) it will mean that a little more time is free to just relax and enjoy them - without sacrificing the many tasks that make any household run.

So that's me done for today, please feel free to take the question to your blog and give us an idea of how things work with you, then leave a comment so that I know that you have!

That's all :-)
A

Mums Round Robin - Open invitation!

2007-05-03T20:54:00.000+01:00

Stacie has a lovely section on her blog where she answers questions about being a mum. She has kindly allowed me to poach the idea and expand it a little.

On a Friday morning I will post one of the questions and my answer here. Anyone who wants to participate then takes the question away to their blog and gives their own solution.

Hopefully Stacie will help me with the logistics (she mentioned a Mr. Linky??) so that we all know who has taken part. The idea is for us to compare notes and see if anyone else has a solution that we can use. It isn't restricted to twin or multiple mums, anyone can join in and please feel free to spread the word.

So you and you and you and you, watch this space and I'll watch yours.

If you think of a better way of doing this, drop me an e-mail or leave me a comment - I am open to suggestions especially as I am fairly new to this :-)

A

For always and forever

2007-05-03T15:14:00.000+01:00

If you have stuck around through some of the more mundane posts (and I thank-you if you have!) you will know that not to long ago I was pretty disgruntled with the whole work situation. I found it much harder to return to work than I thought possible and I was devistated by the lack of support that I received from my [then] manager. Fortunately, he has since moved on to terrorise err I mean manage some other poor bugger and has been replaced by a far more stable and personable chap.

Anyway, long story short my new boss has granted my request for flexible working in that I have been able to drop my weekly hours slightly so that I can spend an afternoon a week with my boys. Yesterday was the first such afternoon.

I don't quite know what I expected. I guess I had somehow convinced myself that this selfless(hah!) act would be hugely appreciated by my pre-ones and in return they would shower me with love and kittens and maybe even a blissful afternoon to be envied by all. Sadly this isn't quite how it worked out. In general it was a nice afternoon, I picked my sister up from wor, picked the boys up from their childminder and took them ..... wait for it.....

....

grocery shopping! (I'll bet that you're so glad that you waited huh?)

And somewhere between the aisles froxen chicken and tinned lentils, it occurred to me that this was it, for always and forever, Wednesday afternoons were no longer someone else's domain.

A

p.s. before you get too jealous, I kept the boys out too long so they became overtired and wouldn't nap. They also woke up about a gazillion times last night and I'm sure that they are getting another cold. Oh well, you can't have it all.

A friend IRL!

2007-05-01T11:54:00.000+01:00

If I compare my life in the UK to my life in South Africa there are many differences. Some are obvious (marriage, children, weather) and some of them are only obvious to me like the lack of close, tangible friendships. If I am honest, it is one of the few things that I miss about South Africa (obviously I miss my family to but that is different) and I wish that I knew how to go about changing this sad state of affairs.

As a result I think that maybe I come across as being a bit desperate when I meet someone who I see as potential friend material. More than anything it is because I would like to fast forward through the awkward beginning phase and go straight to teasing, laughing, supporting, bonding stuff and I guess there aren't many people who agree.

A couple of days ago however, a new person started with our company and as she is one of my team members, I have been given the task of making sure that she is settled, introduced to everyone and just generally well inducted (is that a word??) and I have been very pleasently surprised by her. You see the thing is that she is French.... there I said it, will I feel the full fury of god now or later?) and we all know how most of the English feel about the French! I like her though. She is witty, sarcastic and best of all a new mum who doesn't feel strongly about any particular parenting technique, instead resorting to bribery wherever necessary.

I am hoping that this has the potential to become a real friendship because I really am late in the application process and I could definitely due with a friend in real life too!

A

In the meantime...

2007-04-29T21:36:00.000+01:00

I promise to post something of substance soon (it has been a great week-end and I would love to get the twinny round robin going) but in the meantime, here is a little video of Thomas and Nathan teasing each other in the garden :-)

It's a little long but I haven't had a chance to edit it yet. Let me know what you think :-)

A

The proper post...

2007-04-27T22:52:00.000+01:00

Yesterday I took a day off work so that I could take the boys through to the hospital for their follow up audiology appointment. I was blissfully unaware that there was a fairly high chance that one or both of the boys would have some trouble hearing high or low frequencies but our luck is holding and they both passed with flying colours.

After the appointment I popped in to see the sonography department and bumped into a couple of the senior staff members that had taken care of me through the last month. It was so lovely to see them and I was quite choked up that they remembered all of us by name (especially as it is a very busy department). When then continued onto the NICU unit in the hope that we would find some of our favourites on duty but sadly none of them were.

I find the NICU quite strange now because we're no longer 'family'. In the weeks following the birth of the boys when I was there 17 hours a day I knew everyone and was made to feel so welcome that I honestly believed that these people would always play a part in the boys lives. Seeing the staff yesterday though brought home how scary the NICU is. Perhaps it was that I didn't want to see (or maybe it was the morphine/adrenalin after the section) but I found it a much more unnerving place than when the boys were actually patients.

Please don't get me wrong I am forever grateful for the fantastic treatment that we had. The fact that we felt like family is all down to the incredible level of care that the NICU nurses gave it's just that I find it hard to think back at how frail they were and that ward is full of reminders.

It felt good to walk away from the hospital having had the last appointment relating to the boys premature arrival and believe me I know how lucky I am that this is the case.

A

My first one...

2007-04-27T11:58:00.000+01:00

This isn't the main post for today, but it is so cute that I couldn't resist. Especially after this appeared which is just to adorable....

I hope that it works!

A

***edited to add that this will be entered into Stacey's fab movie idea.... not sure if I'm allowed to enter more than once but if I can then I will.

I know that it's cheating but...

2007-04-27T10:24:00.000+01:00

I can't resist the opportunity for a prize (I'm a marketers dream!)

Mom-101 also presents a lovely site called 'Cool Mom Picks' and she is running a competition at the moment.

Now I know my chances are slim, plus there is the whole living on another continent thing but maybe I'll be lucky and she'll take pity on my poor unamerican soul :-)

If you want to take part (although if you do doesn't that lesson my chances of WINNING?) please pop on over to Mom-101 for instructions.

A

p.s. a real post will be here today I promise

Another fab idea stolen from another....

2007-04-25T15:27:00.000+01:00

Kelly has listed a song that she dearly loves. Hopefully she won't mind if I do the same. This song never fails to lift my spirits even on the darkest, pms saturated, kid overloaded days;

Re: Willie Mason Oxygen

I wanna be better than oxygen
So you can breathe when you're drowning and weak in the knees
I wanna speak louder than Ritalin
For all the children who think that they've got a disease
I wanna be cooler than t.v.
For all the kids that are wondering what they are going to be
We can be stronger than bombs
If you're singing along and you know that you really believe
We can be richer than industry
As long as we know that there's things that we don't really need
We can speak louder than ignorance
Cause we speak in silence every time our eyes meet.

On and on, and on, and on it goes
The world it just keeps spinning
Until i'm dizzy, time to breathe
So close my eyes and start again anew.

I wanna see through all the lies of society
To the reality, happiness is at stake
I wanna hold up my head with dignity
Proud of a life where to give means more than to take
I wan't to live beyond the modern mentality
Where paper is all that you're really taught to create
Do you remember the forgotten America?
Justice, equality, freedom to every race?
Just need to get past all the lies and hypocrisy
Make up and hair to the truth behind every face
That look around to all the people you see,
How many of them are happy and free?
I know it sounds like a dream
But it's the only thing that can get me to sleep at night
I know it's hard to believe
But it's easy to see that something here isn't right
I know the future looks dark
But it's there that the kids of today must carry the light.

On and on, and on, and on it goes
The world it just keeps spinning
Until i'm dizzy, time to breathe
So close my eyes and start again anew.

If i'm afraid to catch a dream
I weave your baskets and i'll float them down the river stream
Each one i weave with words i speak to carry love to your relief.

I wanna be better than oxygen
So you can breathe when you're drowning and weak in the knees
I wanna speak louder than Ritalin
For all the children who think that they've got a disease
I wanna be cooler than t.v.
For all the kids that are wondering what they are going to be
We can be stronger than bombs
If you're singing along and you know that you really believe
We can be richer than industry
As long as we know that there's things that we don't really need
We can speak louder than ignorance
Cause we speak in silence every time our eyes meet.

On and on, and on, and on it goes
The world it just keeps spinning
Until i'm dizzy, time to breathe
So close my eyes and start again anew

*****************

aaahhh isn't that better? It just sounds like summer :-)

A

The mysterious fairy..

2007-04-24T11:40:00.000+01:00

Our postman decided to bring the post early yesterday so we missed him and in true style there was a package, which was too big to fit through our post box. This is rather annoying because he usually comes 30 minutes later and there is always someone at home in the afternoon. Instead he then takes the package all the way back to the main post depot which is miles away from home and work (this despite there being a post office about a block up the road from my house).

When I dropped the kids off with my sister she hands me the package card so that I can go and collect it. I am so excited by the prospect of a new package because I wasn't expecting anything which could only be good news right?

So off I toddle, negotiating the extremely tight country lanes so that I can avoid the peak hour traffic (N.Wales is very pretty in the spring and summer so the beauty is not wasted) and eventually I make it to the post office and collect my mysterious gift. It's in a box! Wrapped in brown paper! Addressed to me! (and yes the exclamation is necessary how else will you measure the level of my excitement?) I get in the car and rip the paper off to reveal a Fly London shoe box (mmmmmm shoes...) and lo' and behold but aren't there the cutest pair of wedge sandals in the box? In my size! I wipe the drool on my sleeve and search further for some inkling of the sender but find nothing!

I take my mysterious present home and proudly display them for my sister (she thinks they're ok but not her style) and the boys (clearly they are my children because they definitely approve as is evident by the gleeful hugs and kisses that each shoe received[1]) and finally for the RO when he gets home.

He eyed the package suspiciously and asked who they were from, then raised both eyebrows when I explained that I didn't know who had sent them[2]. We ran through our rather small list of friends and close acquaintances slowly whittling them down to a select few who would know:
a) Our address
b) My shoe size
c) Most importantly, my taste in shoes

Fortunately it turns out that my best friend had seen them, liked them, knew I would like them and so he packaged them up and sent them to me because thats what best friends do and it's only one of the many reasons that we love them. The RO is ever thankful that we found the mysterious sender as he was halfway to convincing himself that I had some bizarre stalker who was feeding my shoe fetish[3].

So behold... the shoes ain't they sweet :-)

[1] Yes, I am a terrible mother. My children LOVE shoes and so I let them eat shoes all the time. So far they haven't fallen ill or anything horrid so I guess we're walking in clean-ish places.
[2] This isn't the first time something weird like this has happened. Over Christmas the boys received a present from someone who we all thought was our cousin (same name) but it turns out it wasn't from her and we don't know any other Kim. Very weird!
[3] If I had to have a stalker (cause lets face it they're generally a little creepy) it would be pretty cool if they continued sending really fab shoes without ever expecting anything else in return.

Mission Monday: A challenge

2007-04-23T15:49:00.000+01:00

This mum regularly challenges her readers on a Monday. Today she has come up with a real challenge, one that most of us are probably pretty rubbish at. The idea is to list 5-10 things that I like about myself so here goes......

I have a very good sense of humour
I am loyal and dedicated to my friends and family
I am brutally honest but have learned tact as well
I am pretty competent at most things even if I'm not great at any one thing
I am a far better mother and wife than I ever thought possible

Now it's your turn, please play along and update the comments once you have so that I can come and agree with you :-)

Love
A

For Heather

2007-04-23T11:26:00.000+01:00

I know that most of you (all 3!) have already heard about this and you've probably already taken part but in case you haven't please go here (or click on the picture) and read about this wonderful woman, Heather.

If you can, spare her a thought and a £/$.

Thanks in advance.
A

Yeh baby :-)

2007-04-21T21:27:00.000+01:00

The luck worked, I passed. In fact I got all of the questions right (it was FAR easier than I thought it would be). I really spent far too much time worrying about this test.

You get 45 minutes to answer 24 questions. All multiple choice and really quite simple. From start to finish it took me 4 minutes. This meant that I spent minutes 5-7 stressing that I had missed something out and frantically going over my answers. The invigilator just laughed, gave me my results and sent me on my way.

I guess this means that I'll have to start preparing my application.

Thanks for all the luck - 'tis greatly appreciated.

A

Wish me luck

2007-04-20T12:07:00.000+01:00

I am off to write my British Citizenship test. Hopefully I will pass it without any problems, however in true style I have left the preparation for the test to the last minute.

Will let you know how it pans out (as if you care :-))

Happy bloody Friday!
A

Yet another example of the madness..

2007-04-19T12:41:00.000+01:00

What can be said about this?

When did woman stop having rights? Who can imagine having to lose not only a child but the mother as well, all because some fuck wit 2 stroke thinks that he can make a name for himself through the supreme court.

Late-term abortion is NEVER a lifestyle choice. Nobody decides late in a pregnancy that they 'just don't want the child'. If it wasn't for medical intervention, wonderful woman like this one
and many others would have been lost to us and would never have gone on to give life to other beautiful children.

I am so incensed that anyone would even consider this, let alone make it a law that it makes me feel sick to the stomach. it is clear that none of the people behind this little piece of history have ever been in the position where they have had to make a decision to save a life.

My only hope is that the rest of the world sees this for the madness it is and doesn't follow the US lead, because who knows where this will end?

*sigh*

A

Has the world gone mad?

2007-04-18T15:51:00.000+01:00

Ever since I became a mom, watching the news has become HARD work. When I left work on Monday afternoon I was horrified to hear that 2 students had been shot at a university in Virginia. Imagine my horror when I had finished bathing the boys and had put them down for the night, to switch on the tv and find out that the story hadn't yet ended and that so many people had been involved.

My heart goes out to all those families for whom this long and harrowing journey has only just begun.

As I was watching the highlights on Sky News, I noticed that one of the journalists giving his opinion (a British journalist) was saying that although he felt terrible about what had happened, he felt that the UK and other similar countries should follow the US example and allow the individual to own a gun. His argument was that gun crime in the South West of the UK is on the increase and as a result people should be allowed to defend themselves.

There were a few things that bugged me about his statements, namely;

1) The UK has very low gun crime, that is not to say that it doesn't exist but strict gun controls mean that just the act of owning an unlicensed gun is a chargeable offence.
2) His insensitivity towards the surviving families (not to mention the shooters poor parents)
3) His assumption that he has ANY idea what it is like to live in a country where people believe that they have a right to kill someone else if in self defense.

I suspect that if anyone stumbles across this little post who is pro-gun ownership that I will be flamed for daring to question their human rights. Here's the thing though, what about the right to safety and to an education that has been taken from the victims? What about the Human Rights of every person who has ever been caught in the crossfire? Who on earth needs a semi automatic weapon if not to kill someone?

I grew up in Johannesburg, South Africa. Gun crime is massive and if you have a gun the rule is that if you're going to use it, you shoot to kill because if you only injure or maim, that same gun will be turned on you and your loved ones. I am so glad that my children don't live in that society and that they won't grow up believing that owning a gun is their right.

I know that outlawing guns really won't solve the problem because we all know that when something is made illegal it is pushed underground where the authorities have no control whatsoever - just look at the flourishing drug trade around the world if you want an example. I don't know what the overall solution is but I would say that making the act of buying a gun EXTREMELY difficult and making the penalty for owning/handling an unlicensed gun as steep as using it to cause harm would go some way towards readdressing the [in]balance.

I don't know, I guess this post is all over the place, but so is my heart because I look at my children and I can't begin to imagine my life without them.

*sigh*

A

10 months, 1 week and 2 days...

2007-04-15T19:25:00.000+01:00

Dear Nathan and Thomas,

Today isn't particularly special. It isn't the anniversary of your births or even close to your birthday, in fact you're 10months, 1 week and 2 days old so we're right in the middle of the marked dates. Even so, today has been yet another one of those days where I have to pinch myself to make sure that I am awake and not dreaming.

I really wanted to become a parent. When I met your daddy I knew that my fate was sealed. Oh there were a few fireworks sure but mostly it just felt right, as if we were a perfect fit for one another. Marriage and starting a family became the natural progression for us and we were so excited about it when we saw the little lines that proved you were on your way. By now though, you'll have figured out that we had a bit of a rough time through the pregnancy - I hope you don't ever think that I blamed you for my experience because I don't and I wouldn't go back and change it if I could because then I wouldn't have you.

It took me a while to find my feet but now I think I'm on the right path because everyday you both grow bigger and stronger and so I must be doing something right. Recently you have both become quite clingy and you don't like it when your dad or I leave the room even if your aunty or grandparents are around. It breaks my heart that either of you ever have to feel any fear about us leaving you, we never could and we never will. Even so, a part of me rejoices when you cry a little and then stop as soon as we return because it makes me feel like we're not doing to badly.

I wanted to do a monthly recap of all your milestones but I just didn't seem to find the time. I hope that my memories don't fade too much although I suspect there are many little things that my mind has allowed to slip away. Please know that every day since you two arrived has brought some experience that I never could have comprehended before you came along and even if I don't remember every detail, I still love you desperately and always will.

Your personalities have continued to develop so much over the past few months but you have both retained the same characteristics that you displayed all those months ago when you were in the hospital. It is fascinating watching you interact with one another and we are truly lucky to be spectators as you have already created a secret bond and I have no doubt that it will only get stronger.

Thomas, you're my first born and so you will sometimes feel the weight of responsibility for you brother. Wear it proudly because there will be times when he will need you to be strong for him. You are so like me that even strangers comment out loud. Like me, you are a little bit clumsy and you get frustrated easily. That's OK - it may mean that you spill a few glasses of juice and break a few things but it also means that you're passionate and capable and that this will make people love and rely on you. I suspect that you will be led into mischief by your baby brother and that people will assume your guilt before his just because you're bigger and a bit louder. Don't worry about it too much because it will build your character (and besides we'll always know to check the details first). This month has shown your impatience because you're not content with crawling, instead you're already practicing standing on your own and I swear you're about to break into a run. Slow down just a little bit though my little man, I never said that you could grow up that fast!

Nathan sweetheart, you were so tiny when you were born and so I felt that you needed more protection but you're far tougher than you seem. Right from the start you were quietly strong, you fought to catch up to your brother and he did all he could to help you (remember that when you're bigger and he makes you mad). The nurses worried about your body temperature all the time but as soon as you started sleeping next to Tommy, he began to help you to regulate it so that you could come home. You are a child prone to bouts of deep contemplation and you spend ages figuring out everything. Your daddy is like that so it seems that you're be taking after him in most ways. You have a million different laughs and you use them all the time to make us giggle. You love it when you get a reaction and you'll ham it up until someone interferes or you hurt yourself. You are also so neat and tidy and we're not sure who you get that from because your dad and I aren't very particular about clutter. When we feed the two of you Tommy always covers himself and his surroundings but you hardly mess a drop. We all find this very funny but I hope that sometimes you'll let yourself mess because that's what being a kid is about and besides we really don't mind :-). You are also the mischevious one but you have a smile that looks so innocent. Try not to use this ability on people too often, rather let them see how sweet you are and how much you love to cuddle.

My boys, you make me very proud and I get prouder all the time. Thank-you for 'choosing[1]' us as your parents, we hope to do you proud too.

Love
Mum

[1] One of my dads theories when I was growing up was that children choose their parents at conception and sometimes I like to believe that it could be true.

Friday madness

2007-04-13T12:41:00.000+01:00

I can't believe that it is the week-end already. This week has flown by and thankfully each day has improved both in weather and number of hours slept.

After 2 nights of drama with young Thomas, we finally seemed to crack the cycle of over-tiredness. I relented and cradled him to sleep on Wednesday and Thursday night instead of trying to get him to settle on his own. I gather that this was the best thing to do because both nights he (and as a result Nathan) slept right through till morning. We even had to 'wake' them up for their 10:30pm bottle! I am so relieved, I mean I know that we have had more sleep this week than we did in the first few months after the came home but I've been spoilt and I like my sleep dammit :-).

The boys are doing marvellously (is that even a word?) well. Nathan is ahead of the game in terms of teeth having cut his first one weeks ago and now he has a second. Thomas on the other hand has only recently cut through his first tooth however he seems oh so anxious to start walking. Nathan has perfected his crawl (if ever a baby was needed to use for a demonstration it would be him) and so he doesn't seem at all eager to change his mode of movement but Tommy has always preferred the less efficient but significantly quicker shuffle as it makes the transition from moving to sitting happen much faster. He seems to already be frustrated with this though and has over the past few days started pulling himself up to a standing position and then letting go so that he can balance on his own.

It really is quite funny because as soon as he realises that he is standing unsupported he panics and falls over (he usually cries too but there haven't been any bad accidents yet) but within minutes he is trying again. Nathan finds this all tremendously hilarious and I am just waiting for the moment that he starts putting obstacles in his brothers way :-)

I plan to do a big post over the week-end because I want to write about how different the boys are from one another (I know a long post AND over the week-end) so watch this space.

A

p.s thanks for the kind words re: my situation. Things are much better now and I'm looking forward to spending a lot more time with the boys over the coming months.